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You can be given plenty of examples about both men and women that changed their feelings about children after having one BUT, you cannot be sure you would be one of them.
I guess all you can do is go by how you feel now.
If only being scared that you wont be a great parent is the only thing, though, you might want to investigate the why of that more thoroughly.
Lots of people are afraid they wont be perfect parents and, in fact, none of us ever are.
If you just don't like kids or being around them, that's a whole different story and you don't have much choice, although, even the, I don't care much for other peoples kids or dogs and adored my own. Not much help there, is there?
There is nothing wrong with her wanting a child. I suppose what hurts me the most is that she is choosing a child that does not exist yet, over me who is here, a living and breathing life partner.
This right here is EXACTLY what hurt me the most when the love of my life and I broke up. She chose a non-existent being over me.
You or I could try to see the other side of this argument, and logically understand it, but it's extremely difficult to not dwell on this fact.
But what happens if she doesn't meet anyone now, in time, to get pregnant? She needs time to date someone new, get to know them, move in etc. She is 38 now, all of this could take around 2 years so she will be trying to conceive at 40.
Didn't she say she'd be willing to use your sperm? So if she wants a baby that badly, she can do Artificial Insemination. Not as ideal as having the full family with a mother + father, but it can work and be just as good. Especially when she's older and probably has better means to support a child than a single mother at 18 or 24, or something.
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And what if she cannot have children at all? She could end up with no child and lose me as well. I know she has to try though and go for what she wants
She could always adopt, unless she's mentioned that it HAS to be blood-related. Adoption she can still have a baby and the joys of parenthood to a child who needed a family, and a woman who wanted to be a mother.
So it still ends up with her raising a child, which you didn't want the pressure of doing.
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Originally Posted by wolf39us
This right here is EXACTLY what hurt me the most when the love of my life and I broke up. She chose a non-existent being over me.
You or I could try to see the other side of this argument, and logically understand it, but it's extremely difficult to not dwell on this fact.
But like Pitt Chickmentioned. It can be argued, you chose being childless over as more important than being with her.
Over all, it's an issue on not being compatible. There's the saying that sometimes love is not enough. You want different things, and it may result in breaking up. Both of you wanted whatever it is you wanted, and there was no room for compromise. So you both chose letting the relationship go to hang on to your ideals, or desire.
Yes and no, not having kids wasn't the reason we broke up, we had agreed that we would at least wait a few years and I did start to come around to the idea a little.
We just didn't get that far, she just didn't wait very long with her new man.
I think the kids thing was just a large chunk of the wedge
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Originally Posted by Pitt Chick
and from her standpoint, you wanted to be childless more than you wanted her.
In any case, breaking up is the right thing to do when both parties aren't getting their needs met in a relationship.
But what happens if she doesn't meet anyone now, in time, to get pregnant? She needs time to date someone new, get to know them, move in etc. She is 38 now, all of this could take around 2 years so she will be trying to conceive at 40. And what if she cannot have children at all?
Frankly, all that is none of your business. And there are several alternative options she can consider.
She wants to be parent; you do not. So you now need to let it go...
I hope you are well. I am male and would love any advice as i am in pieces currently.
I am 41 and my now ex-girlfriend has just turned 38. Neither of us has children yet. She very much wants one child. We have been in a relationship for around 18 months and are / were very much in love with each other. She is my soulmate and i am hers and we wanted to be with each other for the rest of our lives.
She said early on that she is set on having a child and that given she was 36 when we met, time was not on her side, which i agreed with. I have never been hugely keen on becoming a father myself. I can see a lot of the joyful parts of being a parent, but also the commitment and stress have always worried me and if i am cut out for it.
We dated and i think each of us thought that the other person would end up coming round. I even went to see a counsellor 4 times to get to the root of why i am not family orientated as i really wanted to get around this issue and have a future with my girlfriend. I love her so much.
My girlfriend even said that she only wanted my child so badly, she would consider asking for my sperm and getting a legal contract drawn up if needs be.
Sadly we broke up on Monday, as she said she needs to now move on for good and achieve her goals. We are still very much in love and it hurts so much.
I cant help thinking i have done the wrong thing and let go of such an amazing woman. I am thinking that i could have a child with her, and it will all work out. The only way to be with her is to have a family with her.
Have i just made a huge mistake?
WE are not in love, YOU are in love with her. She is gone because you don't want a child and she does. If you were both in love as you say, she would not be gone.
I was in a similar situation as you some time back. VERY young girlfriend who some day wanted a child and i had already raised three. I jad a daughter her age. I knew it wouldn't work, so i told her so and we parted friends.
You have two choices. Let her go and be friends or try to get her back and have a kid with her. You will have to live with that decision foe at least 18 years.
Wolf - yes it is very hurtful. Even though you can see her desire for a child, the fact is that the one woman who you loved more than any other in your life, and will never meet again, has chosen a hypothetical child over her love for you. The child may or may not happen.
It feels incredibly unfair even though it is for the best long term for her. you have a woman who adores you and you her, your soulmate, and she leaves to have a child with someone else or alone.
I am so heartbroken i even have recordings of my last few phone conversations with her, which i listen to so i can hear her voice again.
Vanilla - yes she asked for my sperm. She wants a child so badly it is any way possible. With someone / alone / AI / IVF / Adoption. Anything for a child.
I hate the fact that we didn't split up due to any bad behaviour, cheating or anything like that. We loved each other perfectly. The child dealbreaker destroyed us.
I am also hurt that - in her own words - she said she will not love the next man anywhere near as much as she does me- but she is willing to have a child with the next man who is ok in her eyes.
She is very much set on having a baby. So much so, she told me that she " will have a child with either you, someone else or own my own in the next year "
There is nothing wrong with her wanting a child. I suppose what hurts me the most is that she is choosing a child that does not exist yet, over me who is here, a living and breathing life partner.
I tried my hardest to make it work and be with her, it hurts like hell. She waited for me but in the end we couldn't agree on it.
I keep thinking there is a glimmer of hope we can get back together. We spoke last week and she kept saying " you made the decision to not have a baby with me" etc and " if you loved me you know what to do "
I am so, so torn over this. I want to do anything for me, but i am petrified of becoming a parent.
I helped raise my siblings and step siblings since I was 6 years old until I moved out at age 18. It's not that hard. Pretty easy actually. Of course, I wasn't financially responsible but as far as diaper change, feeding, bathing, cleaning, caring, etc for a babies and kids. Yeah, not that hard. You just have to have a lot of patience when a baby cries.
With that said, there is a reason why I don't have kids now. Been there, done that. I'm good. I don't want to see another diaper in my lifetime.
She is very much set on having a baby. So much so, she told me that she " will have a child with either you, someone else or own my own in the next year "
There is nothing wrong with her wanting a child. I suppose what hurts me the most is that she is choosing a child that does not exist yet, over me who is here, a living and breathing life partner.
I tried my hardest to make it work and be with her, it hurts like hell. She waited for me but in the end we couldn't agree on it.
I keep thinking there is a glimmer of hope we can get back together. We spoke last week and she kept saying " you made the decision to not have a baby with me" etc and " if you loved me you know what to do "
I am so, so torn over this. I want to do anything for me, but i am petrified of becoming a parent.
A woman should love YOU more than a potential future child. But having a child,(good luck at her age) is way more important than loving you. What does that tell you? That you are not soulmates, for one thing. She has an agenda, and sadly, you were a means to that goal. That does not mean she didn't love you. Just that her own agenda was more important then the two of yours together.
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