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Once you get older the biological clock is ticking for both men and woman...You had better decide what you want to be and what you want to do with the rest of your life...Do you really want to be a 55 year old man sitting in a bar trying to pick up woman for recreational sex then going home alone no family- no wife.....How are you going to look when you are 65 ? Having kids is part of having a full life...I may have failed at career things...but I have four adult children and two grand kids....I AM A SUCCESS.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
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Quote:
Originally Posted by O.A.Bachlow
Once you get older the biological clock is ticking for both men and woman...You had better decide what you want to be and what you want to do with the rest of your life...Do you really want to be a 55 year old man sitting in a bar trying to pick up woman for recreational sex then going home alone no family- no wife.....How are you going to look when you are 65 ? Having kids is part of having a full life...I may have failed at career things...but I have four adult children and two grand kids....I AM A SUCCESS.
Why does it have to be empty life with no kids or full life with kids? I think your life should be full before you even think about having kids. If it is not, then you are going to be placing a burden on your children to make your life full which is in no way fair to them kids.
Why does it have to be empty life with no kids or full life with kids? I think your life should be full before you even think about having kids. If it is not, then you are going to be placing a burden on your children to make your life full which is in no way fair to them kids.
I think he's just saying that in his opinion, life is more meaningful with a wife and children. Nothing wrong with thinking that way, but obviously not everyone agrees. And even for those who do agree, not everyone will end up married or with children, so they will have to find other meaningful things to pursue in life.
Why does it have to be empty life with no kids or full life with kids? I think your life should be full before you even think about having kids. If it is not, then you are going to be placing a burden on your children to make your life full which is in no way fair to them kids.
I place no burden on my adult children. Not saying that a life without kids is empty...but having them was an important part of the FULL life experience. My kids are grown now....and in essence I have no children now...I am child free...I still watch over them even as adults...it is my job to the end.
At this point I am child free as I said...My new partner is divorced and does have a child...who spends half the week with his father...which is nice...My new partner is 20 years younger...which is a delight and a great complement to me as a man/
So when her child is at his dads we are both child free and it is nice. It is as if we are teenagers and are having a second life...STILL my partner admits that having a child was WORTH WHILE...and I have no regrets....I can not imagine not being a father.
My second daughter needed a specific letter from me...I wrote it and she complained that I took to long and was a bad father....It was cute...she is in her 30s...
The eldest daughter said one day that I was a bad father because I did not teach them any "life skills" - that ALL I did with them when they were young was PLAY with them...well yah...I enjoyed being a kid with my kids and they all grew up to be great independent people....I had the ADVENTURE of being a father and raising a family...4 kids....wow...what a great experience....and I hope the same for them
To add to that- my life was totally full before I had children...I was fulfilling my dreams...I was a musician playing clubs....writing songs and chasing that elusive record contract...Then I got the bar tender pregnant....My mother and others suggested that I insist that this woman get an abortion because they all thought that THEY would have to pay to bring up the child...well four kids later it all worked out....what I saw as a free spirit was that when she announced that she was pregnant all I thought was THIS IS AN OPPROTUNITY.
The woman was not the perfect mate and we were not very compatible. Still...I endured and did what was natural...I sacrificed and paid the price...I have no regrets...I am now a wealthy man... because I have value in my life.....a thing called a FAMILY...
I FOLLOWED nature - not what society insisted I do...and my choice was the right one.
Not only have I met men I have also met women who say "if I only knew now what I did not know then", I would have not have had a child.
Not many people are going to be honest with you or themselves if they don't love the married with kids lifestyle. They are basically stuck and obligated to provide for the child's needs. You basically give your entire life up to raise kids if you are going to do it right.
I have met so many people who see me and how I live my life child-free and are very envious of it. They would give anything to turn back the hands of time and chose a child-free path.
Most people have kids without really thinking it through. Not many people make a plan.
I look at my hairdresser. Got married and had 2 kids right away. I always hear her saying how difficult it is, how she has lost her freedom, how her husband wants to raise them differently than what she wants, how she has to be up early every single day to feed, bath and clothe them. Clean up after them. She has no time for rest or peace. She often times says I never dreamed it would be this difficult and time consuming.
I was lucky that I had a friend who had 3 kids by the time she was 20. Her life was hell IMO. It was what helped me to realize at a young age that that lifestyle is not for me. I am beyond thankful that I am child-free. I am thankful that I was mature and self-aware at a young age in knowing what path I wanted to walk in life.
Many people never figure this out until it's too late. Once you have kids you can't send them back and you will spend your time being committed to them for the rest of your life. It's a life sentence no matter how you slice and dice it.
This is what we call the flip side regarding having children. While many will view it as a pessimistic POV it's realistic for many & that's the bottom line. I totally agree many people don't think it thru, they don't look at the whole picture of child rearing, we see evidence of this almost daily just ask any Social Worker of their experiences of dealing with negligent parents. From the time a girl child is 5 yrs old a doll baby is shoved into her hands & she has fun playing mommy & dressing the doll up in all types of clothing. I can't help but think there's some psychological playback in the minds of women who have this over bearing need to be a mother that she wants to re-create those memories in IRL. Male children aren't given dolls so fatherhood is not something they fantasize about.
OP you should print out "Matadora's" post & mail it to your ex, perhaps it'll get her to thinking that "All that glitters is not Gold" & some mistakes people make have lifetime repercussions.
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