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I'm finding it a bit harder as well, the older I'm getting. I guess there were more options when I was in my 20s - ran into more people on nights out, more people who were single etc. How old are you OP? What have you tried to find a relationship?
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Originally Posted by funymann
How old are you?
I'm 29. I just moved to a new city and I really don't know how to go about meeting women outside of work/school/bar scene.
Work is off-limits to me now. I'm not in school anymore. And I've found the bar scene only really leads to casual relationships.
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Originally Posted by periklees
Don't over complicate it. It's a friendship plus emotional/physical intimacy, loyalty and commitment. Once you have the friendship bond and like spending time together, biology should kick in (intimacy, sex) then it's just a matter of seeing how long you want to keep that going exclusively, if ever.
Yes, I may be overcomplicating it. I tend to be a person to whom complicated things come easily and simple things require a lot of work.
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Originally Posted by elnina
What EXACTLY is so confusing to you?
It's a try and learn process. Done for thousands of years. Long before internet, social media, or online dating.
You are not a teen - what did you learned, so far?
I've learned the following:
- Women value certain traits that I don't have more than anything else. Despite this, they can be attracted to me once they get to know me.
- If I approach and get rejected enough, something will stick eventually.
- Online dating doesn't really work if you don't meet minimum standards.
- It's best and easiest to meet others through friends so cultivating a social circle is important.
- Most people do not share the same values as me.
- Attraction is primarily based on superficial qualities (I used to think otherwise when I was younger). You either need to have these qualities or you will need to be extremely persistent.
- Leagues definitely do exist.
- Women have very high expectations.
- Women are the selectors and, if I want to ever end up with someone, I will need to play by their rules pretty much (learned this one the hard way).
- I'm cute.
- Women respond well to me in interactions (though that doesn't always translate into anything more).
- Establishing friendships is very easy. Maintaining friendships is more difficult.
Get involved in your community. If you go to church, see if they have a singles group. If that isn't your scene, volunteer somewhere.
The point is, you have to put yourself in situations that allow you to meet like minded people. It sounds like barflies are not the answer, so take another approach.
How does this work and how do people do it so easily?
I've been thinking about it a lot recently and it seems like moving mountains. It's kind of strange because it didn't seem this difficult when I was younger. I assumed that it would get easier as I got older, but it's actually much harder.
When people are younger, many of them just want to play around and have a good time. When the specter of age and decline become no longer avoidable, then many want to get their hooks into someone else and form a relationship, before it's too late. Not that it really is too late, but that's how a lot of people think. Shift your interest to younger, more carefree women. If you've let yourself decline and are no longer eligible for that, you're stuck with being an adult.
How does this work and how do people do it so easily?
I've been thinking about it a lot recently and it seems like moving mountains. It's kind of strange because it didn't seem this difficult when I was younger. I assumed that it would get easier as I got older, but it's actually much harder.
Many people don't do it easily. I don't know why you think it comes easily. It takes some people years to find someone compatible, and they work at it; they get out into the community and get involved in group activities, clubs, hobby groups, volunteering, etc. What have you been doing in that regard?
When people are younger, many of them just want to play around and have a good time. When the specter of age and decline become no longer avoidable, then many want to get their hooks into someone else and form a relationship, before it's too late. Not that it really is too late, but that's how a lot of people think. Shift your interest to younger, more carefree women. If you've let yourself decline and are no longer eligible for that, you're stuck with being an adult.
How would that help, if you say that younger people aren't interested in serious relationships? lol You're contradicting yourself. And how do you know what age group the OP's interest has been in thus far? The OP hasn't told us. The OP's only in his 20's. For the last few years, "younger, more carefree women" would have meant trying to date teenagers. You don't seem to be thinking at all about what you're posting. It's nonsensical.
Some people have the gift of gab! Some people struggle finding and maintaining relationships. Whatever we want in life, we have to bust our butts to get it. We have people on this board that would like to give you advice and help you but are you currently interested in someone right now?
When people are younger, many of them just want to play around and have a good time. When the specter of age and decline become no longer avoidable, then many want to get their hooks into someone else and form a relationship, before it's too late. Not that it really is too late, but that's how a lot of people think. Shift your interest to younger, more carefree women. If you've let yourself decline and are no longer eligible for that, you're stuck with being an adult.
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Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth
How would that help, if you say that younger people aren't interested in serious relationships? lol You're contradicting yourself. And how do you know what age group the OP's interest has been in thus far? The OP hasn't told us. The OP's only in his 20's. For the last few years, "younger, more carefree women" would have meant trying to date teenagers. You don't seem to be thinking at all about what you're posting. It's nonsensical.
Your analysis of my message seems nonsensical to me. How would seeing more carefree women be counter to the avoidance of serious and confining relationships? Are you interpreting the OP's message as indicating that he wants to get serious about someone?
How does this work and how do people do it so easily?
I've been thinking about it a lot recently and it seems like moving mountains. It's kind of strange because it didn't seem this difficult when I was younger. I assumed that it would get easier as I got older, but it's actually much harder.
What did you do when you were younger? How did you meet girls? How did you progress things with them? How old were you then?
- Women value certain traits that I don't have more than anything else. Despite this, they can be attracted to me once they get to know me.
What are these traits that you don't have?
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