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Maybe it's the definition of clean a household? My husband says he can clean the whole house in three hours. Why? Because he views what I call the once over for impending company as cleaning.
To me that's not cleaning.
That reminds me of when were coming up with labor distribution strategies. I went through room-by-room, listing every single housekeeping task, and divided them up into categories of how often then need to be done (daily, weekly, monthly, quarterly, annually) in order to prevent the snowball effect of slacking off. Seeing it all listed out, printed up, and laminated was quite daunting for my husband, because of the zillion and one carefully planned little details that go into keeping things running smoothly; you know, in between work/school, childcare, meal prep, loads of dishes, and laundry . So, the end result was he decide to take over laundry and weekend cooking, and I'll take everything else (and of course subcontract some of it out to the kids). Deal. Of course, I didn't have the heart to tell him that "laundry" is also supposed to include purging the kids' old/outgrown clothes and shoes, keeping a running list of who needs what, and packing away out of season clothes.
That reminds me of when were coming up with labor distribution strategies. I went through room-by-room, listing every single housekeeping task, and divided them up into categories of how often then need to be done (daily, weekly, monthly, quarterly, annually) in order to prevent the snowball effect of slacking off. Seeing it all listed out, printed up, and laminated was quite daunting for my husband, because of the zillion and one carefully planned little details that go into keeping things running smoothly; you know, in between work/school, childcare, meal prep, loads of dishes, and laundry . So, the end result was he decide to take over laundry and weekend cooking, and I'll take everything else (and of course subcontract some of it out to the kids). Deal. Of course, I didn't have the heart to tell him that "laundry" is also supposed to include purging the kids' old/outgrown clothes and shoes, keeping a running list of who needs what, and packing away out of season clothes.
You really ARE a mathlete, LOL.
I'm not even sure how many rooms in my house I have.
I only know that all of them are constantly getting dirty!
Most of the articles, blogs and videos I see are related to mothers and not just wives. Perhaps there have been threads of this nature prior, but I want to get everyone's take on this. I know that whatever each couple agrees upon if fine for their own relationship. I think what I want to know is how many folks think a stay at home wife is taking advantage of her husband, or better, how many husbands think this arrangement is unfair? I heard a bizarre conversation today between a couple in the parking garage where the wife was literally pleading for her hubby to let her quit her job. He said a single income was not enough, and she said that she wanted to do things that made her happy. ie: not work. She said that she has "no time for her life."
I can somewhat relate. My wife has always resented working. For the first part of our marriage, money was tight, and we both had no choice but to work. Now, however, I'm making a very good living. I work extremely hard to do so. For the past several years, she has really ramped up the whining about working. However, I've not relented, for several reasons.
First, she needs to work to maximize her potential SS in retirement. People are living long lives, cost of living is only getting more ridiculous, and by the time we retire I suspect taxes and health costs are going to be astronomical. We both need to maximize our return on the govt program we've been forced to pay into. Less/no work = reduced/no SS retirement income. Second, she needs to self-fund her own retirement. Her job provides good retirement benefits, and she'd be a fool to not participate. My retirement was wiped out when she had health issues years ago and we had tremendous medical bills, so I'm trying to rebuild what I lost. I can fund retirement for myself, but not for us, especially because we expect her medical bills in old age to be quite high. Third, I am working my butt off. We have no kids. There is no valid reason she should get to stay home while I slave away. When she brings the subject up, I tell her I want to quit, I want the easy life, I want her to keep working while I go on permanent vacation, but life doesn't work that way, and so I keep being a responsible adult and keep working. She cannot justify why she should be able to do so while I am not. And lastly, men must do what they can to protect themselves in case of divorce. As long as she's keeping her income up, her retirement funded, etc, I have less chance of being completely bent over the barrel should things go bad.
I'm not even sure how many rooms in my house I have.
I only know that all of them are constantly getting dirty!
It's one of the vastly underrated perks of apartment life: no attic, basement, or garage to keep in order, and yard work consists of nothing more strenuous than closing the windows on Wednesday morning. Oh, and when it snows, cars have to be dug out and moved to the other side of the street before the super comes through with the plow; he will put a 10 foot wall of snow around your car if you get on his bad side.
I've been a single working mom and a SAHW. Either way, I never had much spare time, I'm simply too energetic and just not the type of person who can sit around.
When I was a single working mom, I had a close friend who was a SAHW, and I was green with envy. Her house was always so clean and orderly, she had a beautiful garden, etc. She would sometimes complain to me about how "busy" she was and I couldn't help rolling my eyes and thinking to myself "OH PLEASE!" so I totally get how some people might feel that way.
I was also envious of my married friends who had husbands to help with the bills, and who were teachers and got to enjoy summers and holidays off. Again, if they ever complained to me about how stressed out their lives were, I really couldn't muster up any sympathy. In my eyes, they were living an easy life, spoiled, and they didn't know how good they had it.
I was one of those little girls who played house and I looked forward to growing up and one day being able to play house for real. Even when working full time, I've always enjoyed having a nice home and I don't mind the chores, I even enjoy them. In some ways, it still feels like "playing house" to me. It stresses me out to have an disorderly house, and it makes me cranky.
For me, the biggest difference between keeping house when you are working a job full time, and keeping house when you are not working full time is that there's more time to do the extra things, add extra touches and make the home-keeping experience more pleasurable, instead of a chore to hurry up and get done as fast as possible.
Working full time = buying a loaf of bread instead of baking bread
Working full time = buying salads instead of growing a salad garden
Working full time = eating out and fixing quick meals several nights per week instead of preparing really nice meals
Working full time = rushing through basic housework to meet "passable standards", instead of being proud and enjoying a beautifully maintained home and garden.
Working full time = minimum holiday entertaining and/or decorating, instead of really enjoying the holiday experience.
Like I said, I like to work and I will be busy no matter what, whether I'm at home or in an office. Being a SAHW is a nice way of life if that's what both spouses agree on and they can afford it. When I was a young mother, I would have cut off an arm to have that luxury. I'm not going to say that staying home is just as hard or stressful as working a job and doing housework on top of that too, because it wasn't my experince. But I don't agree with the view that being a SAHW automatically makes a person lazy, or irresponsible, or a free-loader. That's simply not true either.
Last edited by Butterflyfish; 09-12-2016 at 05:22 PM..
There are things that are core necessity and nonsense people do just to make it seem like they have something to do. Ex. Taking the dog for a walk ....well why do you need a dog? Ironing clothes before putting then in the closet just to iron them again before use. I have met far too many people especially stay at home parents who come up with this BS to make it seem like their are much busier then they really are. I also don't find their children to end up that much more successful then those of working parents. Still not buying the glory of the SAHM parent thing. Nice try though.
[quote=klmrocks;45463269]There are things that are core necessity and nonsense people do just to make it seem like they have something to do. Ex. Taking the dog for a walk ....well why do you need a dog? Ironing clothes before putting then in the closet just to iron them again before use. I have met far too many people especially stay at home parents who come up with this BS to make it seem like their are much busier then they really are. I also don't find their children to end up that much more successful then those of working parents. Still not buying the glory of the SAHM parent thing. Nice try though.[/QUOTE]
Not sure anyone is trying to get your buy in.
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Our lifestyle when I've been home has been much better. Weekends and evenings are free to do family things, rather than having to shoehorn in household projects, yardwork, maintenance stuff, backlogged housework, etc. The difference between actively needing two incomes, and being comfortable with only one is a big factor.
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. So, the end result was he decide to take over laundry and weekend cooking, and I'll take everything else (and of course subcontract some of it out to the kids). Deal. Of course, I didn't have the heart to tell him that "laundry" is also supposed to include purging the kids' old/outgrown clothes and shoes, keeping a running list of who needs what, and packing away out of season clothes.
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