Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Most of the articles, blogs and videos I see are related to mothers and not just wives. Perhaps there have been threads of this nature prior, but I want to get everyone's take on this. I know that whatever each couple agrees upon if fine for their own relationship. I think what I want to know is how many folks think a stay at home wife is taking advantage of her husband, or better, how many husbands think this arrangement is unfair? I heard a bizarre conversation today between a couple in the parking garage where the wife was literally pleading for her hubby to let her quit her job. He said a single income was not enough, and she said that she wanted to do things that made her happy. ie: not work. She said that she has "no time for her life."
I personally would have a MUCH bigger problem assuming all of her student loan debts. I get that you work together as a team an all but that one is rougher, she should have worked a few years to help chip that down, but as you mentioned keep your beak out of other people's marriages.
Oh come on .. really if we applied the keep your nose out of other people's business there would be nothing to discuss or talk about in general .
We are all guilty of this to some extent. It is sort of better to discuss this in general rather than point out asking the other ... buy the way do you realize that the rest of the world thinks you are a lazy unambitious looser?
Re: student loans - when we married, my husband didn't have student loans but he had a pretty impressive credit card debt. I had no debt, not even on my car. We both worked full-time (at that time I earned more than he did) to pay them off. Because that's marriage.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,699 posts, read 41,737,988 times
Reputation: 41381
Quote:
Originally Posted by Chowhound
I personally would have a MUCH bigger problem assuming all of her student loan debts. I get that you work together as a team an all but that one is rougher, she should have worked a few years to help chip that down, but as you mentioned keep your beak out of other people's marriages.
I have a lot of student debt and I'd never in good conscience be able to not work and stay at home and try to pay it off while my wife worked all day. I made that debt it is my responsibility to deal with it, not my wife's in any form or fashion.
This whole traditional role sentiment that comes up makes to want to vomit. How far back are we taking tradition ... we going as far back as when it was normal to trade and sell women like cattle or just keeping it to the time when we were not allowed to vote... or are we progressive enough to kept stick to the point in time when we could vote, but just not own property? Seriously ... traditions change ... and some out right suck for women.
I am more than happy to work ... if the other option takes me back to a juvenile state when I need to depend on someone else or I won't get my allowance. I do a combo of both roles and as hard as it is I would much rather take the double load then feel like an unpaid servant. If I wanted to be a maid in my own house I would not have gone to University. Hell .... nooo!!!! I went to school so I would not get stuck doing this kind of stuff.
Re: student loans - when we married, my husband didn't have student loans but he had a pretty impressive credit card debt. I had no debt, not even on my car. We both worked full-time (at that time I earned more than he did) to pay them off. Because that's marriage.
That's true, that what you do, but I gotta say, it wouldn't be nice to have my financial house in order and meet up with a woman and have to assume all that debt, I do get that if both people work and put money toward it it will eventually go away, just sorta a drag to take it on, but I guess people do what they have to do. I'm thankful that Mrs. Chow wasn't in a huge amount, we were both pretty young and when you're young you never seem to have enough money so there's always some debt it seems like.
This whole traditional role sentiment that comes up makes to want to vomit. How far back are we taking tradition ... we going as far back as when it was normal to trade and sell women like cattle or just keeping it to the time when we were not allowed to vote... or are we progressive enough to kept stick to the point in time when we could vote, but just not own property? Seriously ... traditions change ... and some out right suck for women.
I am more than happy to work ... if the other option takes me back to a juvenile state when I need to depend on someone else or I won't get my allowance. I do a combo of both roles and as hard as it is I would much rather take the double load then feel like an unpaid servant. If I wanted to be a maid in my own house I would not have gone to University. Hell .... nooo!!!! I went to school so I would not get stuck doing this kind of stuff.
Getting a hostile vibe here. We live in a time now where women have access to jobs and other things. If someone chooses to live "traditionally" or whatever we want to label it it shouldn't affect anyone else.
Getting a hostile vibe here. We live in a time now where women have access to jobs and other things. If someone chooses to live "traditionally" or whatever we want to label it it shouldn't affect anyone else.
It is about choice. Even though I might not agree with the choice... I do with the idea that people need to be able to make their own choices.
All I am getting out of this discussion today ... is that my goal is to get a cleaning service, house keeper or nanny? Life too short to waste time doing stuff like this if you really don't have too. Happy Friday !
That's true, that what you do, but I gotta say, it wouldn't be nice to have my financial house in order and meet up with a woman and have to assume all that debt, I do get that if both people work and put money toward it it will eventually go away, just sorta a drag to take it on, but I guess people do what they have to do. I'm thankful that Mrs. Chow wasn't in a huge amount, we were both pretty young and when you're young you never seem to have enough money so there's always some debt it seems like.
I have a girlfriend who married a man with 3 kids from a previous marriage. He was deeply in debt with credit cards, paying child support, and was sloppy about paying his bills on time so he had really bad credit when she married him. He was a really good husband and devoted father, just in over his head.
She took over the bill paying, they worked out a budget, and within a few years they were debt-free and had good credit. It takes a team, as marriage partners, working towards a common goal.
It gets complicated with blended families and exes in the picture, but I always admired her for rolling up her sleeves and working together as a team to build a good life and marriage with him.
I personally wouldn't mind helping my spouse with college debt, because I consider that sort of thing more of an investment rather than bad debt.
When I married my husband, I was helping both of my two children pay for their college education. I didn't ask my husband to help, I continued to help them with my own funds, but I feel certain that if I had needed the financial help, he would not have hesitated. I love that about him.
Location: Stuck on the East Coast, hoping to head West
4,640 posts, read 11,936,007 times
Reputation: 9885
I did it briefly in my marriage after a layoff. We didn't have kids or debt at the time and husband made a good living. It was his idea. It nearly ruined our marriage.
I did every boring/monotonous/stupid/never-ending chore you can imagine. Because he had a job, he let himself off the hook for everything. I did all of the laundry, meals, shopping, bills, home maintenance and repairs, etc. I was also in charge of our financial life so researched insurance/investments/short-term planning, long-term plans, etc.
He would literally come home from work, shower, change into his freshly laundered relaxing clothes, eat a nutritious dinner that I had waiting for him, and relax. His weekends were awesome. My day never ended. I got back into the work force real quick after that little episode.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
...
.
