The Stay at Home Wife-not the SAHM (man, husbands, kids)

[randomparent]

Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth

I think the key question, as illustrated in your example, is whether or not the couple can afford to have one spouse staying at home. Some breadwinners are fine with that. But if they can't afford it, it makes no sense. "Not having time for her life"? What does that even mean? And why wouldn't her husband deserve "time for his life"? And I wonder how many of the couple's expenses are the wife's choice: clothes/fashion, some primping services, a new car every few years perhaps, etc. If she wants a certain lifestyle, she'll have to work for it, unless her husband is a high earner.

I read this as unequal division of labor at home. She's coming home from work at night and taking care of the household chores while he relaxes and spends time on his hobbies.

[bande1102]

Originally Posted by randomparent

I read this as unequal division of labor at home. She's coming home from work at night and taking care of the household chores while he relaxes and spends time on his hobbies.

This is how I interpreted it, too.

[JerZ]

Originally Posted by bande1102

i did it briefly in my marriage after a layoff. We didn't have kids or debt at the time and husband made a good living. It was his idea. It nearly ruined our marriage.

I did every boring/monotonous/stupid/never-ending chore you can imagine. Because he had a job, he let himself off the hook for everything. I did all of the laundry, meals, shopping, bills, home maintenance and repairs, etc. I was also in charge of our financial life so researched insurance/investments/short-term planning, long-term plans, etc.

He would literally come home from work, shower, change into his freshly laundered relaxing clothes, eat a nutritious dinner that i had waiting for him, and relax. His weekends were awesome. My day never ended. I got back into the work force real quick after that little episode.

+ 1000.

[Mikala43]

At 45 I became a stay at home wife.

I worked non-stop since I was 15, had a full career, and brought significant assets to our marriage.

This was at my husband's request, though he would have supported any decision. Part of the decision was due to chronic medical conditions that I have to manage.

I love it. I was a business person and I run my life the same way now. House work, yard work, schedule appointments for husband, darn good cook, heck, I even help him out at work for software stuff. I run all the errands, take care of the pets and step mom duties with 15 year old.

I do light house maintenance, review investments, insurance and finances.

Yes, I have spare time so I served on HOA, take up new hobbies like sewing and other stuff.

I'm an INTJ, so I love the time alone.

My husband loves and always brags to his friends about all I do, which makes me feel very valued.

He's happy, I'm happy, kidlet is happy, dogs are happy.

[SummerFall]

Originally Posted by Marachino

But this attitude is the problem, and hence the hotbed it is today. Women who stay at home do not "do nothing." Some of them are hardly stopping to pee with all of the chores, errands and probably other activities, like exercise and visiting with family. Why do so many people immediately think a housewife "does nothing all day" simply because there is no paycheck involved??

Oh PLEASE!! If you have kids..okay..i can buy that "chores and stuff to do" crap. but no kids?? Please! I live alone, AND I WORK, and I can keep my house clean. HOW MUCH MESS CAN TWO PEOPLE MAKE? NO WAY IS SHE CLEANING AND SCRUBBING AND LAUNDRY AND EVERYTHING EVERY SINGLE DAY, WEEK AFTER WEEK! Gimme a break.

That is just an entiltled spoiled little brat

[rent.in.nyc]

Originally Posted by SummerFall

Oh PLEASE!! If you have kids..okay..i can buy that "chores and stuff to do" crap. but no kids?? Please! I live alone, AND I WORK, and I can keep my house clean. HOW MUCH MESS CAN TWO PEOPLE MAKE? NO WAY IS SHE CLEANING AND SCRUBBING AND LAUNDRY AND EVERYTHING EVERY SINGLE DAY, WEEK AFTER WEEK! Gimme a break.

That is just an entiltled spoiled little brat

I have to agree, if there are no kids, the wife should have a job and contribute financially I mean how much housework is there with only 2 persons in the household?

[The Dissenter]

Originally Posted by fleetiebelle

Of course you can have whatever preferences you want, but it's telling that you're seeing this hypothetical marriage situation as hostile and adversarial, and not as a team working together to make each other's lives better and easier.

I see it as in Diss' house, if you don't work, you don't eat, that's all.

[klmrocks]

Originally Posted by Marachino

But this attitude is the problem, and hence the hotbed it is today. Women who stay at home do not "do nothing." Some of them are hardly stopping to pee with all of the chores, errands and probably other activities, like exercise and visiting with family. Why do so many people immediately think a housewife "does nothing all day" simply because there is no paycheck involved??

Again..... if I had to work like a donkey.....someone better be cutting me a big fat cheque. My husband can't afford my service lol......so to the work force I go.

[TabulaRasa]

I did it for about four months following a military move. Actually, I was the SAHF, F meaning fiancee, for three months, and about a month after the wedding, I started working again.

We had gotten engaged, he took orders to instruct at a base elsewhere (we'd discussed it prior to his putting in for orders). The plan was for me to leave my teaching position, which i had been planning to leave, anyway, move, and spend a couple of months getting settled into our new home and planning our wedding, which was entirely orchestrated long distance. Then, once we married and I could access base privileges as a military spouse, I secured a job on base.

Four months to focus on homemaking, wedding prep, traveling back and forth the 600 miles between where we were from/getting married and where we were stationed, and getting settled into my new life was a completely welcome respite, and I really appreciated it. An extended period of time may have been another story, but for just four months? I can't say I died of boredom. We had housing provided by military, my husband was making special pay on top of his base due to taking on a specialized billet, and an additional paycheck wasn't necessary. When I did return to work, it was primarily for professional development reasons, expanding my skill set. The pay was pretty secondary.

[Mikala43]

Originally Posted by klmrocks

Again..... if I had to work like a donkey.....someone better be cutting me a big fat cheque. My husband can't afford my service lol......so to the work force I go.

This just shows that you don't view marriage as teamwork. That's fine, and everyone working is fine, or stay home or whatever works for them.

My husband works hard for the family, I work hard for the family. No one *owes* anything to anyone.

To much conflict when everyone is keeping count and making sure they get *theirs*.