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Because she has a newborn that might do a lot better if they figured out how to work out their differences and have a good marriage?
Having a stable, reliable relationship with a person you feel you can trust is pretty difficult when a partner had an established track record involving infidelity and bailing.
I have a baby.
Ttrying to raise one with a man I couldn't trust, who I know has one foot out the door, and can't be trusted to stick around in the very likely event that he feels he's not getting sufficient attention compared to the baby sounds absolutely horrific.
Based on information shared, he doesn't sound like a safe bet for "dedicated father figure." He seems like a risky bet at best.
I would love to work it out for the sake of my child. I waited so late to have children until I had a career and was married thinking that would better my chances of giving a child a better life with 2 loving parents in the home. Now that he has left and hasn't called to check on her makes me believe he will become an absentee dad if we do indeed separate. My kid doesn't deserve this and I will forever be apologetic for it.
WOW I am sorry that you have just had a baby with a man of this caliber.
He is one needy selfish emotionally immature loser.
What type of man whines about me, myself and I am not getting the attention I need when his wife just had a child?
What type of man lies about an outside relationship with another woman?
What type of man abandons his baby of 3 months?
The type of man that I would not hesitate divorcing and walking away from. What type of father do you think he could possibly be?
Sorry Hannahv but you are going to have to make up your mind and move on from him. Most likely raise the daughter alone. He's not interested in that baby nor is he interested in you. Sorry that you are in this situation...however, it's better to find out now vs. living a lie with him for the next 20 years.
The only certain thing is you are going to have to establish some kind of relationship with him for your daughters sake.
Whether or not it's remaining in a romantic relationship or setting up a parental or strictly financial one, unless he completely divorces himself of you, his daughter and his
paternity he is always going to be involved in some fashion.
Better to set things straight sooner than later. The sooner you guys can move on from this and establish what is going to become of the rest of your lives and how you will interact and function the better.
Me: Hey I'm upset with you for conversing with another woman.
Him: It's because you have not been loving me lately
Me: because I am exhausted from caring for the baby
Him: You haven't cooked for me or paid me any attention
Me: (Not verbally) Hmph, he has a point I have not done these things, how can I work on balancing new baby and marriage. So immediately I start asking questions to gain clarity to understand in order to make self adjustments.
Him: Yes, you haven't been there. I'm actually pissed at you so stop talking to me and causing me stress.
Me: What just happened here? He really just flipped this on me. Now I'm upset. I yell.
Him: See, see. That's what I mean. Let me tell the world how you make my life so hard by being angry with me.
Then I'm left thinking am I wrong for selfeshlessly not hearing his concerns? Am I wrong for being upset when in reality I admit I have not been giving him much attention. Or was I just manipulated. That's why I asked you folks.
No, you are not WRONG:
Here's how this conversation should go:
Me: Hey I'm upset with you for conversing with another woman.
Him: It's because you have not been loving me lately
Me: THERE IS NO ACCEPTABLE EXCUSE.
We talked about having a baby together since I could remember. Passing babies in the store, he would say that's going to be us one day. In counseling it only came up as a question of if both of us want kids. Without any doubt he said yes.
When we decided to seriously start trying, we had talks of expectations such as how to pay for college, private/public school, etc. But now that I think back it, we never talked about responsibilities and how they would be handled.
By the way, he has since come back home. We are walking around not really speaking like little kids after a fight. I hate that it is this way and its immaturity on both of our parts. However, when I approach him humbly, he acts sooooo arrogant like that is me admitting fault. So instead I play the wait game with him but this time I'm really just tired! This is not a functional marriage.
Ruth, you're thinking of the other poster (Vir). This poster mentioned in post #55 that they are indeed married (for 3 years) but together for 7 years. This couple sounds a lot more established than the other poster.
People have grand ideas of how things are going to be, but in reality, there are some things you're just not going to get until you've actually experienced it. OP, how hands on has your husband been? So far, he doesn't sound enamored with the baby experience. Actually one of the advice I got when I was pregnant with my first you probably could've used, which is have a little fridge and bottle warmer in the bedroom. But anyways, definitely couples counseling if you want to continue the relationship. The first year of baby is always roughest on a couple. If it doesn't work, don't beat yourself up. These things happen and you can only move forward.
Ruth, I must admit that I am very confused by your response. Was this response even directed towards this post? Did you even read it? Because a lot of things you said did not really make sense.
For starters, yes we are married. I said that in the very first post. Otherwise, I wouldn't refer to him as my HUSBAND. Second, where anywhere did I say we were struggling financially? I actually said we are both pretty established in our careers. Not saying we are rolling in money but we can afford to pay for college and have already considered private schools.
And please please please explain to me where in the post did I ever say We couldn't afford to pay our bills?! �� What I said was that I can pay the bills alone if it came to that. What's really alarming is that you assumed we were "broke". Could you quote me of where I said that?
I find it funny that you ask what our financial game plan is....I can explain if this isnt a rhetorical question.
I'll just assume that you one didn't mean to post that response here or two didn't read the post. Whichever it may be, I find your post completely absurd without any evidence to support it. With all due respect, your post makes absolutely no sense at all.
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