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And it's a disaster when one partner dies and the other is completely alone with no one to turn to, nothing to distract them, no one to support them because they never made a life outside of their partner.
And it's a disaster when one partner dies and the other is completely alone with no one to turn to, nothing to distract them, no one to support them because they never made a life outside of their partner.
It's like any other situation where you "put all your eggs in one basket" whether it is a relationship or money or whatever...DIVERSIFY THE RISK!
I know exactly how he feels. He has anxiety which I do as well. Whenever my wife isn't around I feel anxious and never want her to be alone for fear something will happen to her and it will be my fault. When I used to work and she was at home I would worry from the minute I left to the minute I got home. When we were dating and she was at her home and I was at mine I wouldn't call for fear she wouldn't answer and that something had happened to her. I would call her every night and worry all night that something might happen to her. And when I called in the morning and she didn't pickup I feared something had happened to her. I even installed a security system which helped a bit and I couldn't go to sleep until she armed it and I heard the beeps over the phone. I know it was irrational and foolish but I can't help it. Now that we are married and living in the same house, I still worry and have anxiety when she isn't close by. I try and not be so anxious and its getting a bit better but its not an easy thing to deal with. Its also not something he would bring up because it would make him look weak and clingy. I would also preface this by my wife, before we were married, was harassed and threatened by an ex acquaintance. I have always been this way and only in later life began to recognize this.
I'm going to go a different direction. Without more information, I'll have to make some assumptions.
When I first started dating, I tended to focus all of my attention on the person I was dating. I was told more than once that I needed to "get a life". I'm sure there was some co-dependency in place.
As my dating experience began to grow, I learned that I needed to retain more of my identity even as I started to integrate the person I was dating. I think the turning point came when I made the decision to honor any commitment I made, unless something drastic interfered.
Taking that approach, I was able to retain what was important to me while dating.
The long and short of it is, he certainly needs to develop his own interests outside of the relationship AND he needs to experience some personal growth. It doesn't make him a bad guy or someone who should be ditched, but there will be more work involved in getting the relationship to the level the OP would like. Only the OP can determine if the relationship is worth the effort.
1. She already provided several example of his clinginess. Not even being able to walk home from the store alone without her by his side?
2. She also made it clear that she'd like to chill out at home without him hovering around. She's not looking to join something to escape the house.
3. None of her examples are of attentiveness. It's clingy, it's suffocating, and it's not appealing that a partner gives up all outside activities, revolves his entire life around her, wants to work together, commute together, go to the store and walk home together, and spend all their time joined at the hip, with no breathing space. It's not flattering in the least. Nothing about that is natural or healthy.
I wasn't trying to be condescending. Sorry if I came off that way.
I'm saying she should express that to him instead of expecting him to get a clue. I don't know that it reads as fair to expect him to go out and find something to do while she chills around the house if they live together (this is why you wait until marriage to cohabit...just saying). I was saying attentiveness because I doubt he considers himself clingy and suffocating. I understand she may feel that way, but I think what may be going on -- just in my experience -- is that she wants space so bad because she's not getting it. Once she does, she's probably going to miss his usual behavior either because out of insecurity or loneliness/boredom.
Asking your manager if you can change your work hours to have some time is a great idea. Maybe just alter your hours on Fridays to see if it works. If your boyfriend then alters his hours to match yours, then you will still have the issue though. Can you give him a subscription to a gym and tell him to go work out? Buy him some gift certificates to the roller rink.
If you don't drop him your life will be like post #10.
Some of these posters are like your BF. Ignore them. You have every right to alone time at home.
He sounds too far gone to get help.
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