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Old 09-19-2016, 02:54 PM
 
Location: Jupiter
10,216 posts, read 8,264,685 times
Reputation: 8628

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ms.Mathlete View Post
I thought the two of you had been best friends since childhood; how could you not already know that about each other before?
I just mentioned that in another comment we already knew that about each other. She just assumed I changed my mind once our friendship became more.
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Old 09-19-2016, 02:57 PM
 
Location: New Yawk
9,196 posts, read 7,182,237 times
Reputation: 15313
Quote:
Originally Posted by 49ersfan27 View Post
I just mentioned that in another comment we already knew that about each other. She just assumed I changed my mind once our friendship became more.
Gotcha. That's unfortunately common
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Old 09-19-2016, 03:11 PM
 
Location: Jupiter
10,216 posts, read 8,264,685 times
Reputation: 8628
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ms.Mathlete View Post
Gotcha. That's unfortunately common
Yeah it is it stings right now but I will get over it.
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Old 09-19-2016, 03:28 PM
 
8,781 posts, read 9,401,162 times
Reputation: 9547
Quote:
Originally Posted by ocnjgirl View Post
Just as a woman, I would advise women not to bring up marriage and children on a first, second or third date. Even if they want marriage and children, they are going to be freaked and think you're looking for insta-husband.

Most dates I have been on, most men ask if I have children just in course of getting to know me, and then it just naturally segues into conversation where you will learn what his life is like and what he wants in life. But just to sit and blurt on a date "do you ever want to get married and have children" or anything along those lines, it's just too soon. JMO.

I want to add, if you have been on several dates with a man, and it is getting close to an intimacy stage, and you still do not know what he is looking for with you or what his dating and relationship goals are, than that is a red flag IMO.
I would never think anyone asking about where they may be placing their lives would be a negative thing.

As a man myself it wouldn't set me running for the hills immediately to know someone is searching for a potential husband and man to have children with unless that was also not part of why I was seeking out the involvement of another to be a potential love interest.

If it is part of "what" we are doing by seeking out another in the first place so their is no need to hide it or wait until you have had some arbitrary time frame of getting comfortable personally with someone to drop it.

The only reason to avoid it is worry and doubt and the possibility you won't be getting something you want or have something go the way you wish it to go.

There is a huge difference in "I want to have your babies!" vs "do you ever want to have babies?"

There are appropriate ways to ask and answer questions of all intimacy levels.
Nobody should be getting offending or shy away unless they are apposed of what is being asked or the way it's being asked of them.

Last edited by rego00123; 09-19-2016 at 03:43 PM..
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Old 09-19-2016, 04:48 PM
 
9,952 posts, read 6,569,727 times
Reputation: 19649
Quote:
Originally Posted by ocnjgirl View Post
Just as a woman, I would advise women not to bring up marriage and children on a first, second or third date. Even if they want marriage and children, they are going to be freaked and think you're looking for insta-husband.

Most dates I have been on, most men ask if I have children just in course of getting to know me, and then it just naturally segues into conversation where you will learn what his life is like and what he wants in life. But just to sit and blurt on a date "do you ever want to get married and have children" or anything along those lines, it's just too soon. JMO.

I want to add, if you have been on several dates with a man, and it is getting close to an intimacy stage, and you still do not know what he is looking for with you or what his dating and relationship goals are, than that is a red flag IMO.
This is all well and good, but if you are a woman and reach a certain age, it is just not practical.

I'm a single woman nearing 40. The reality of the matter is either that I am either going to want kids RIGHT NOW or I don't want kids AT ALL so I think it needs to be discussed pretty much immediately. It would be nice to have the luxury of time, but I don't. I think this is pretty much the case for the typical woman in the 36-40 age range. There isn't a whole lot of time to beat around the bush or change your mind, really. At that point you must be committed- either you want kids or you don't because it's not like you really have time to change your mind.

I don't actually want to have kids, but I don't want to be stuck with a RIGHT NOW type of guy who thinks he's with some woman who wants kids immediately.
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Old 09-19-2016, 05:09 PM
 
28,896 posts, read 53,936,484 times
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When I was single, I noticed that the question would come out sooner in older women. I went out with a 31-year-old once who asked it within the first hour. Guess they need to cut to the chase.
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Old 09-19-2016, 05:37 PM
 
Location: Bay Area
29 posts, read 24,795 times
Reputation: 38
Age really does matter wrt this topic. Probably not right off or even on the radar in the 20s. It should flow naturally. If a woman is dating late 30s and up it is wise to get that out of the way immediately. No need or time to waste 5 minutes with a man who's not on the same page.
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Old 09-19-2016, 05:40 PM
 
Location: Eastern Washington
17,106 posts, read 56,720,019 times
Reputation: 18365
Quote:
Originally Posted by 49ersfan27 View Post
My recently ex fiancé wanted to have kids and I don't. As a result we won't be getting married it sucks tbh but I know what I want and kids wasn't it.
Hang tough brah, you did the right thing. Literally billions more women out there.
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Old 09-19-2016, 05:55 PM
 
14,078 posts, read 16,523,320 times
Reputation: 17654
Quote:
Originally Posted by M3 Mitch View Post
Hang tough brah, you did the right thing. Literally billions more women out there.
Yes, billions of people and no guarantee that you'll meet, connect with, and fall in love with any of those billions of people.
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Old 09-19-2016, 05:55 PM
 
Location: So Cal
51,847 posts, read 52,242,349 times
Reputation: 52309
I would think it would just sorta naturally come up in conversation. If it doesn't naturally, then I would think by the 2nd or 3rd date, IDK, at some point it needs to come up as it's a major deal breaker either way for most people.


I also think that it depends on the ages of the people involved, late 30's and beyond a lot of people have already had kids or made their mind up on the subject, for the most part. I don't know many guys that wake up at 45 and decide to have kids if they don't already.
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