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You are absolutely right. I think I'm just in shock and denial right now because I didn't think he had commitment issues until just recently when he finally told me. My dad? He's around but we're not close so I don't tell him anything personal.
Hmmm... another woman who has a distant, emotionally unavailable dad who seems to have picked an unavailable guy.
Coincidence? I think not.
Pay attention to the fact that unavailable guys may end up being the type of guys to whom you are attracted.
Tell him nicely that he can have all the time he wants, but you'd like to move on with your life -- and you should.
He'll only string you along as long as you're available. People who want a real relationship don't wait around. They build their lives together. He's not the guy for you because he'd have no doubts, if he was.
Go on with a light heart and feel grateful he hasn't wasted more of your precious time.
I told him that I'm not asking for marriage at all. I'm asking if we could be boyfriend and girlfriend and he gave me the "I'm scared of commitment" line.
Then you should take the advice below:
Quote:
Originally Posted by Just A Guy
When a guys tells you he is afraid of commitment, you should pay attention to this (same when he says he's afraid of getting hurt). It means he's just not that into you in terms of a serious, long-term committed relationship.
If you are fine with that, then stay with him. If not, then it is time to end things.
Hmmm... another woman who has a distant, emotionally unavailable dad who seems to have picked an unavailable guy.
Coincidence? I think not.
Pay attention to the fact that unavailable guys may end up being the type of guys to whom you are attracted.
Wow. Now that you've put it that way, a lot of the things he's done in the relationship, I just thought they were normal. When I talk to my girlfriends about this, they tell me that this is not normal. *sigh* So, what exactly are the signs of an emotionally unavailable guy??
I told him that I'm not asking for marriage at all. I'm asking if we could be boyfriend and girlfriend and he gave me the "I'm scared of commitment" line.
This is the answer to your question and I read it quite clearly.
Tell him nicely that he can have all the time he wants, but you'd like to move on with your life -- and you should.
He'll only string you along as long as you're available. People who want a real relationship don't wait around. They build their lives together. He's not the guy for you because he'd have no doubts, if he was.
Go on with a light heart and feel grateful he hasn't wasted more of your precious time.
Thank you Ellie! He likes me enough to string me along but won't make a commitment because he has doubts. To him, he wants to be absolutely SURE. I told him that if he knows what he has in front of him, he would go for it. I asked if he wasn't sure about me and he said he was sure about me. BUT that's contradictory to what he said. If he's sure about me then he would've already committed.
You're right though. I shouldn't take this personally.
Thank you Ellie! He likes me enough to string me along but won't make a commitment because he has doubts. To him, he wants to be absolutely SURE. I told him that if he knows what he has in front of him, he would go for it. I asked if he wasn't sure about me and he said he was sure about me. BUT that's contradictory to what he said. If he's sure about me then he would've already committed.
You're right though. I shouldn't take this personally.
If you read this out of context, a normal person would think you are talking about MARRIAGE. However, you aren't even boyfriend and girlfriend yet! What does he want to be absolutely SURE about? You become boyfriend and girlfriend and then decide whether it's meant to last forever or not, but you're never going to get there if you're just in the casually dating phase.
Nothing's even saying if you become boyfriend and girlfriend, you have to get married in a year or even two. People stay as boyfriend and girlfriend for years or even a decade or more before getting married. Some stay happily together and never get married at all. It all depends on the couple, but most don't stay together in the non-boyfriend/girlfriend stage indefinitely. That makes no sense! You don't have to move in together, see each other every day, or do anything you don't want to do in a committed relationship except be committed to each other. He either just wants to play around and continue to see what is out there or he doesn't like you enough. If you don't know by 9 months, you're just never going to know.
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