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Old 09-20-2016, 03:53 PM
 
38 posts, read 29,545 times
Reputation: 45

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I feel like this is my main fault when it comes to women. I am a submissive male. I am super passive and like being told what to do and I absolutely hate having to make decisions. I have above average looks, but I wouldn't call myself hot. I make pretty good money for my age ($50k/year) and am really happy with my career path. I am a nice guy basically. I think most women want a man who resembles their father though i.e. aggressive, dominant, leader type qualities. These are kind of the opposite of me. I am a follower not a leader. I don't mind being this way and am completely content with who I am, but it seems to be a huge barrier in dating which is something I'd really like to take part of. I would like kids and a family of my own at some point and it's really stressing me out, because I've never had a girlfriend. I see men who are uglier than me with no job and they do well with women because of their "alpha" personalities. Are there girls who wouldn't mind a sweet guy? It's not like I'm a pushover. I just genuinely like being told what to do, because it's easier for me and I'm really easy going.
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Old 09-20-2016, 03:55 PM
 
6,307 posts, read 8,305,270 times
Reputation: 8130
Sure, a guy who wants to have their partner be the leader in the relationship can find someone to be with.

I know quite a few couples who have this dynamic.
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Old 09-20-2016, 04:10 PM
 
6,804 posts, read 4,294,746 times
Reputation: 8567
Quote:
Originally Posted by phenibutgod View Post
I feel like this is my main fault when it comes to women. I am a submissive male. I am super passive and like being told what to do and I absolutely hate having to make decisions. I have above average looks, but I wouldn't call myself hot. I make pretty good money for my age ($50k/year) and am really happy with my career path. I am a nice guy basically. I think most women want a man who resembles their father though i.e. aggressive, dominant, leader type qualities. These are kind of the opposite of me. I am a follower not a leader. I don't mind being this way and am completely content with who I am, but it seems to be a huge barrier in dating which is something I'd really like to take part of. I would like kids and a family of my own at some point and it's really stressing me out, because I've never had a girlfriend. I see men who are uglier than me with no job and they do well with women because of their "alpha" personalities. Are there girls who wouldn't mind a sweet guy? It's not like I'm a pushover. I just genuinely like being told what to do, because it's easier for me and I'm really easy going.

Not all fathers are aggressive, dominant, and "leader-types". Was your dad this way?

I think most women like a guy who is somewhat of a "take-charge" kind of guy, at least in some circumstances. This part is going to hurt you in the beginning stages, where most women kind of expect the guy to show his intentions and not rely on her for that.

There are women who like to take the reigns and not take into account others (I think they are often described as ball-busters). You might need to be on the lookout for these kinds of women.

You would also probably do better to find a girlfriend with someone you have been friends with first.
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Old 09-20-2016, 04:20 PM
 
Location: State of Transition
91,503 posts, read 88,554,669 times
Reputation: 99252
Quote:
Originally Posted by phenibutgod View Post
I feel like this is my main fault when it comes to women. I am a submissive male. I am super passive and like being told what to do and I absolutely hate having to make decisions. I have above average looks, but I wouldn't call myself hot. I make pretty good money for my age ($50k/year) and am really happy with my career path. I am a nice guy basically. I think most women want a man who resembles their father though i.e. aggressive, dominant, leader type qualities. These are kind of the opposite of me. I am a follower not a leader. I don't mind being this way and am completely content with who I am, but it seems to be a huge barrier in dating which is something I'd really like to take part of. I would like kids and a family of my own at some point and it's really stressing me out, because I've never had a girlfriend. I see men who are uglier than me with no job and they do well with women because of their "alpha" personalities. Are there girls who wouldn't mind a sweet guy? It's not like I'm a pushover. I just genuinely like being told what to do, because it's easier for me and I'm really easy going.
Ugh! Quite a few women are trying to avoid that! Some are even fleeing that, having been stuck with it in childhood until they could escape at 18.

OP, there are plenty of women who would be happy with someone like you. Don't fill your head full of the wrong ideas. Some women even seek out types like you, because they're looking for someone easy-going and mellow. Have more faith in yourself and in humanity's (and womankind's) psychological diversity.

Now, if you're shy, that's another matter. That could be part of your problem. If you have trouble meeting women, join some hobby or activity groups of various sorts. Get out there and mix, mingle. Go to art show openings, which are designed to be social occasions, or join a salsa or swing or folk dance group; they're pretty friendly and fun, and some need more men. Find a few scheduled activities that appeal to you, and enjoy.

You're 22? Recently graduated, then? Think back to whether there were any classmates you might like to look up, who might still be around town. That works well for some people.
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Old 09-20-2016, 04:22 PM
 
Location: Pittsburgh
26,315 posts, read 28,901,525 times
Reputation: 62745
What are you doing to meet women? Being a sweet, passive guy doesn't mean anything if women don't know you exist.
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Old 09-20-2016, 04:25 PM
 
Location: State of Transition
91,503 posts, read 88,554,669 times
Reputation: 99252
Quote:
Originally Posted by fleetiebelle View Post
What are you doing to meet women? Being a sweet,passive guy doesn't mean anything if women don't know you exist.
Exactly. You'll need to fill out the picture for us, OP. You've left out the part about whether you're shy and don't approach women, or if you've tried, and gotten nowhere, or if you've had a couple of gf's but they found you to be too passive. You've left out one of the most important aspects of your situation.
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Old 09-20-2016, 04:28 PM
 
Location: 🇬🇧 In jolly old London! 🇬🇧
15,671 posts, read 10,091,886 times
Reputation: 12476
Quote:
Originally Posted by fleetiebelle View Post
What are you doing to meet women? Being a sweet, passive guy doesn't mean anything if women don't know you exist.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth View Post
Exactly. You'll need to fill out the picture for us, OP. You've left out the part about whether you're shy and don't approach women, or if you've tried, and gotten nowhere, or if you've had a couple of gf's but they found you to be too passive. You've left out one of the most important aspects of your situation.
OP........ I'm also dying to know ^^^^
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Old 09-20-2016, 05:27 PM
 
Location: Dallas Texas
1,265 posts, read 822,455 times
Reputation: 2435
I'm a lil passive myself, but I have come to the realization that a lot of women I'm running into want "the manly man" They want to have a leader, a protector. Although I am laid back, I do have this in me and have exercised it more lately to quite surprisingly good results. I'm sure there's the assertive lady your looking for, but I will venture to say most will want a "man".
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Old 09-20-2016, 05:44 PM
Status: "Contented." (set 26 days ago)
 
Location: Tricity
48,725 posts, read 69,872,621 times
Reputation: 111048
I am sure there are women that would like a guy just like you. Don't worry!
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Old 09-20-2016, 05:49 PM
 
10,860 posts, read 10,261,942 times
Reputation: 25669
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth View Post
Exactly. You'll need to fill out the picture for us, OP. You've left out the part about whether you're shy and don't approach women, or if you've tried, and gotten nowhere, or if you've had a couple of gf's but they found you to be too passive. You've left out one of the most important aspects of your situation.
Here's his other thread. //www.city-data.com/forum/relat...irlfriend.html
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