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I love my boyfriend but it is scary to me that he is 30 and didnt go back to school yet like he said he was going to and doesnt have a good job, lives with his mom, and does not have a working vehicle.This makes me worry that Im in love with someone that is lazy and isnt going to show an effort that he is trying to be an adult. I dont know how to confront him in a nice way about getting his **** together so we could start up our life. Anyone have any honest suggestions that arent nasty?
lol how do guys like this get girlfriends when I can't? It must be his sense of humor and personality. On another note you do sound like a "keeper" and I wish you the best.
There is a lot that is unexplained, he is the sweetest man I have met, hes caring and compassionate and thoughtful and was helping me in my life when he needed help in his own. I want us to build a life together even if we do struggle a little, I just dont know if there is something I can say that will motivate him to move the process along a little quicker.
You will do all the building and the struggling ALONE!!
Hey I was 33 and the woman was 21...I was a musician artist actor type.. I was playing a club and got the bartender pregnant. Family and friends lectured me and said I should convince the lady to have an abortion...because people believed I could not support a child and family. I looked at the birth as a great opportunity and privilege...
So now- 30 years later - I have 4 wonderful adult children..and a couple of grand kids...It all worked out...People all over the world have been having children for thousands of years....Whether rich or poor...it works out...If you live in the western world...you live in luxury as compared to other places.
My advice is have faith in the man- work as a team and do not let others interfere with your life...There is nothing more powerful than a united couple. The money will come if you stick it out together....if you are divided - you will get poverty. If you love this man....that is enough....if he loves you....You have it made.
So we were goin through a rough patch every relationship does, this is a different guy than the other. Im not having kids anytime soon and I knew that when I wrote the post, I was just trying to show that he was thinking about it which means he see's us bein together, I was trying to figure out of I wanted that. Its a few weeks later and he got a job and we worked on his truck so now it is running. I have my own money and take cabs everywhere so im not worried about financial problems at the moment. Im more worried about taking a chance and letting myself fall in love wit someone again. Especially someone who needs a push to grow up a little. The reason why I say "push" is because when you are comfterable in your situation and dont have someone to motivate and support you, then you will stay in that place. I want to help him in his life like he's helped me emotionally in the small amount of time we have been seeing eachother. (4 months).
And thank you O.A.Bachlow for your difference in opinions. And thank you everyone else for your suggestions and advice. It was nice to get outside perspective.
I love my boyfriend but it is scary to me that he is 30 and didnt go back to school yet like he said he was going to and doesnt have a good job, lives with his mom, and does not have a working vehicle.This makes me worry that Im in love with someone that is lazy and isnt going to show an effort that he is trying to be an adult. I dont know how to confront him in a nice way about getting his **** together so we could start up our life. Anyone have any honest suggestions that arent nasty?
My non-nasty advice is move on.
Find a man.
A man or woman (not a boy or girl) is a person who can support himself/herself and her partner financially and emotionally. A man or woman takes responsibility for himself/herself and his/her family. He/she is not lazy and doesn't go after things he/she hasn't earned or isn't prepared for. He/she is self-motivated.
I promise you that if he does not have his sh** together by now, ain't never gonna be together enough to be the man you need. I know this from SOOOOO much experience.
There are many more good guys out there. And you're too young to make this decision anyway (as evidenced by the guy you picked and this pie in the sky notion that he will change).
Love is wonderful- sometimes it is just biological chemistry- and sometimes it is a real deep lasting thing...so ask yourself the simple question putting social and economic things aside...do you LIKE each other? Sometimes a person has a characteristic of being a man child...this is not always a negative thing. Sometimes people together never really grow up...sometimes a richness can result with this kind of pairing....it is a thing called FUN...
Personally I am now with another woman. She is 20 years younger but we have one thing in common...we are both naturally child like and love to have FUN. The only stress and problems we have are generated by the expectations of society and by family....I wish that people would just accept us and leave us alone....It sometimes takes a life time to find that partner angel...advice- keep your business to yourself.
I love my boyfriend but it is scary to me that he is 30 and didnt go back to school yet like he said he was going to and doesnt have a good job, lives with his mom, and does not have a working vehicle.This makes me worry that Im in love with someone that is lazy and isnt going to show an effort that he is trying to be an adult. I dont know how to confront him in a nice way about getting his **** together so we could start up our life. Anyone have any honest suggestions that arent nasty?
Idon'tdateyou, is that you? Tacoman is still a loser alcoholic living with momma?
Is this the same boyfriend you called a douchebag in another one of your threads? That doesn't sound like love to me.
Its just OP's low self esteem.
Quote:
Originally Posted by BrowningPoeFrost
Dear Op,
Please do NOT have any kids with this guy! We don't want to be on the hook for financially supporting them for the next 18 years.
Sincerely,
The American Taxpayers
Actually, we make fewer than ever. Your retirement wont pay for itself.
Quote:
Originally Posted by stockwiz
lol how do guys like this get girlfriends when I can't? It must be his sense of humor and personality. On another note you do sound like a "keeper" and I wish you the best.
You have to stoop low enough to be the kinda guy to get that kinda gal who allows that guy in her life. Not really a keeper, tbh.
Quote:
Originally Posted by O.A.Bachlow
Personally I am now with another woman. She is 20 years younger but we have one thing in common...we are both naturally child like and love to have FUN. The only stress and problems we have are generated by the expectations of society and by family....I wish that people would just accept us and leave us alone....It sometimes takes a life time to find that partner angel...advice- keep your business to yourself.
Please don't have kids, till he has his life together. That might never happen, though...
Looks like he is a lowlife, but love is blind.
Not sure about you and why you want to put up with a loser? There seem to be no future for you or your kids.
Just that you know - I tried to say it... nice, but you already knew that there is no way to sugarcoat this situation.
You also should get your own life together - stop drinking, and smoking and hanging out with sluts, drunks and druggies. Your ex was in a jail, and is on probation, but you "love him so much". (yes, I read your other posts)
Your life is a mess. And you're thinking about having kids?
Do you work or go to school? Have any skills? How you support your lifestyle?
BTW: are you talking about some other guy now? Just an hour ago you posted about a "douchebag that didnt grow up yet at 25 years old"...
That's pretty sexist. Why is that that a man must have a job in order to start a family, while a lazy women doesn't have to work a day in her life to start a family. Matter of fact, a stay at home parent is a job worth 6 figures according to femnazi. lol
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