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Definitely a change of life move...Moving from the west coast to the east. Seriously visit first. Way of life here may not be what you are use to. Could be a pro, could be a con....Either way, weigh your options...Again...Visit Raleigh first.
Thank you for your initial responses. I hear you but regarding my marriage I think we are just going to stay separated. More and more people are just opting to do that today instead of a divorce where all your money just goes to the lawyers. I intend to cover them with my medical insurance and all my money will go to them except for my rent and small expenses.
One question that still bugs me. I checked 'compare two cities' which has a function that predicts how far your salary will go based on location. From what I can tell, all salaries are reduced by 30k. I make 110k now but the job in Raleigh has a stated top end of 140k. That is, technically someone could make that much eventually. So why wouldn't they just at least let me stay at 110k instead of knocking me down to like 80k + increase or something? Also I looked at houses for rent, it is not like they are $1000 for a 3 bedroom. It is still around $1700 and I pay $2000 here. So I wouldn't really say the cost of living is that low. You are still paying 4-5 bucks a gallon for milk right?
I live in LA, forget about Raleigh boring. If I were you and willing to "give everything to my ex and kid" I would just live in a van by the beach. Shower at 24 hr fitness and go to work; do whatever (and whoever ) you want... You're free enjoy it. Raleigh is where white picket fences go to die.
How do you feel about your son's feelings about the move?
That would be number one for me
NorasMom,
I hear you. I know a 11 year old boy needs a father but hear me out here. And BTW he's closer to his mom. I guess I can say this since I'm anonymous anyway but I've kissed my wife maybe 5 times in the last 2 years. And if the kiss lasts for more than half a second; that is, the micro-second she thinks I'm enjoying it, she pushes me away. I cannot live like this, I'm lonely even though I have a family. I still get looks from college girls but I've never crossed the line. Most guys wouldn't last 6 months like this but I've lasted years.
Last edited by Motorblaster; 09-21-2016 at 08:35 PM..
Reason: Grammae
Thank you for your initial responses. I hear you but regarding my marriage I think we are just going to stay separated. More and more people are just opting to do that today instead of a divorce where all your money just goes to the lawyers. I intend to cover them with my medical insurance and all my money will go to them except for my rent and small expenses.
One question that still bugs me. I checked 'compare two cities' which has a function that predicts how far your salary will go based on location. From what I can tell, all salaries are reduced by 30k. I make 110k now but the job in Raleigh has a stated top end of 140k. That is, technically someone could make that much eventually. So why wouldn't they just at least let me stay at 110k instead of knocking me down to like 80k + increase or something? Also I looked at houses for rent, it is not like they are $1000 for a 3 bedroom. It is still around $1700 and I pay $2000 here. So I wouldn't really say the cost of living is that low. You are still paying 4-5 bucks a gallon for milk right?
My IT salary was reduced 30% when I moved to Raleigh in 1989. This is a right to work for less state.
I live in LA, forget about Raleigh boring. If I were you and willing to "give everything to my ex and kid" I would just live in a van by the beach. Shower at 24 hr fitness and go to work; do whatever (and whoever ) you want... You're free enjoy it. Raleigh is where white picket fences go to die.
Sigh.... I'm living here going on ten years, I spent my first four decades living in and around NYC and am never, ever bored. I really wish you would stop trolling this forum after all this time and keep roamin'.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Motorblaster
NorasMom,
I hear you. I know a 11 year old boy needs a father but hear me out here. And BTW he's closer to his mom. I guess I can say this since I'm anonymous anyway but I've kissed my wife maybe 5 times in the last 2 years. And if the kiss lasts for more than half a second; that is, the micro-second she thinks I'm enjoying it, she pushes me away. I cannot live like this, I'm lonely even though I have a family. I still get looks from college girls but I've never crossed the line. Most guys wouldn't last 6 months like this but I've lasted years.
Your son is your highest priority. If it's down to Santa Monica or Raleigh then it's really just down to Santa Monica if you have any concern for your child. He'll be out of the house in seven years anyway and then you're free to be selfish. I get that your marriage is failing but that's not your sons fault. And indicating that he's more her child than yours is a weak justification. Make him the priority he deserves to be, let him see that he's worth sacrificing for.
My IT salary was reduced 30% when I moved to Raleigh in 1989. This is a right to work for less state.
Stop it already. You can't continuously argue both sides of the same coin. On one hand, you tell people about your own personal anecdote from nearly 30 years ago, implying that folks will likely make so much less salary (with your own personal "right to work for less" mantra), then in practically every other post, you'll talk incessantly about how companies here overpay their people.
Stop it already. You can't continuously argue both sides of the same coin. On one hand, you tell people about your own personal anecdote from nearly 30 years ago, implying that folks will likely make so much less salary (with your own personal "right to work for less" mantra), then in practically every other post, you'll talk incessantly about how companies here overpay their people.
I hear you. I know a 11 year old boy needs a father but hear me out here. And BTW he's closer to his mom. I guess I can say this since I'm anonymous anyway but I've kissed my wife maybe 5 times in the last 2 years. And if the kiss lasts for more than half a second; that is, the micro-second she thinks I'm enjoying it, she pushes me away. I cannot live like this, I'm lonely even though I have a family. I still get looks from college girls but I've never crossed the line. Most guys wouldn't last 6 months like this but I've lasted years.
I hear you. The comment about the college girls says it all.
So I'll adjust my prior advice. Eliminate step one - no need to waste money on a marriage counselor here. Go directly to step two and consult a divorce lawyer.
I'm not a parent, but can't you find a job closer to where you currently live to stay close to your son (who is entering the stage where I assume boys REALLY need their father)? Or just stay at your current job, particularly since you're already going to experience the stress and emotional drain of the marriage falling apart? It's far healthier to do one major life change at a time. And anyway, your kid should be first and foremost on YOUR list of needs - which imho doesn't require staying in a bad marriage but does require staying near enough to see him A LOT.
So, the simple answer to your initial queston of "Should I move to Raleigh" is a resounding, ear splitting loud NO!!!!
Last edited by Jkgourmet; 09-22-2016 at 07:53 AM..
Frankly this is beyond what anyone on City-Data can help with.
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) you want... You're free enjoy it. Raleigh is where white picket fences go to die.
