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I hear you. I know a 11 year old boy needs a father but hear me out here. And BTW he's closer to his mom. I guess I can say this since I'm anonymous anyway but I've kissed my wife maybe 5 times in the last 2 years. And if the kiss lasts for more than half a second; that is, the micro-second she thinks I'm enjoying it, she pushes me away. I cannot live like this, I'm lonely even though I have a family. I still get looks from college girls but I've never crossed the line. Most guys wouldn't last 6 months like this but I've lasted years.
Don't move so far away from your kid. Nobody should move that far away from their kid unless they cannot find ANY work near their kid and they're moving to make sure the kid can eat and have shelter.
Come on. You know you shouldn't move this far from your kid.
When your kid is 18 and out of high school? Move wherever you want.
Stay where you are, move to Santa Monica (still reasonable visiting distance) or move your whole family here.
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San Diego is one of the nicer places to live in the US IMHO. Your house is going to keep going up in value. Wait it out for a few more years when your son graduates high school, maybe you can work out your marriage in that time...and then move. I have spoken with many older guys that were always on the road working and their biggest regret is always missing out on watching their kids grow up. You only get that experience one time in this life, its a gift you don't want to waste bro!
We really can't tell you what you "should" do--it's your job/life/family. You've laid out the pros and cons. If you've never been to Raleigh, then before you decided either Yay or Nay, you need to come and see the place. Who would EVER move somewhere they'd never set foot, if they had a chance? Many people from CA love this place, many don't. Which "many" defines you is not something any of us can decide for you, and only after you've come and spent a few days here.
What industry are you in? I know in the tech industry when transferring within a company your salary tends to stay the same regardless of location or bump up if anything. I'm sure that varies by company but the companies I have worked for have always allowed people to take their current pay with them or even given a raise/promotion (I had that happen to me once. 20% increase moving from the Northeast to Raleigh, it was great!).
I do think you need to figure out your family situation. I get that maybe things aren't going great with the wife but I cannot imagine being that far from your child(ren). That doesn't sound like it would be in the child's best interest and is a great way to give her sole custody if you do get divorced down the line. I'd at least do a consult with an attorney to make sure you understand the downstream implications any decision you make could have. Well worth the $200ish to know before you jump.
Stop it already. You can't continuously argue both sides of the same coin. On one hand, you tell people about your own personal anecdote from nearly 30 years ago, implying that folks will likely make so much less salary (with your own personal "right to work for less" mantra), then in practically every other post, you'll talk incessantly about how companies here overpay their people.
Depends on your job. I was a mainframe specialist and that wasn't red hot. Try this with a public service job like law enforcement, teaching, or fire fighting to really see how lower home costs don't mean as much when your salary drops too.
Depends on your job. I was a mainframe specialist and that wasn't red hot. Try this with a public service job like law enforcement, teaching, or fire fighting to really see how lower home costs don't mean as much when your salary drops too.
Truth is, it's you who conveniently picks whichever argument suits your purpose at that moment - so that you can spin things as negatively as you can. It's getting really old and tired.
Sir, I find your post to be disturbing. You need to put your son first, and not even entertain the idea of living more than an hour's drive from him. Yes, Raleigh is a good place to live, but we aren't here to be a refuge for runaway Dads of 11 yr olds.
My rule of thumb response for such life decisions...
"If you have to ask, the answer is NO."
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