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This.^^^
It's not cut and dry. And I believe it's important to understand that we need to work with a sliding scale of physical attraction in relation to her/his other qualities.
Also, if you find a potential partner with a good balance of what you're looking for, the physical attraction part will grow with time.
Don't count on it. I don't find physical attraction "growing over time" actually the honeymoons over and one relies on other characteristics than the need for pouncing on their partner when he walks in the door.
This to me is an interesting thing this brings up; there seems to be a general assumption that good personalities belong to the unattractive, but I have met many great looking people both male and female with equally great personalities, and unattractive people who were just as unattractive inside. I do not believe for a second any of us actually have to make a choice between looks we are attracted to and a personality we are attracted to.
I also want to add, personality is as individual a preference as looks are. There are probably a lot of women who would find my honey boring and uninteresting, but we are both people who like to spend a Sunday laying around watching football. While I would find someone who wants to go biking on Sunday morning too much for me. I gab non-stop, and I am sure I dated men who were attracted to my looks but were turned off by that aspect of me, while my honey, who is on the shy side, likes my bubbliness. So really, none of us has a "good" or "bad" personality, it's just which is a good personality fit for me and the other person. I think looks are the same, truly in the eye of the beholder.
I think many men assume if a date doesn't go well for them that it's about their looks, but for me personally, if I went on a first date with a guy I didn't find attractive but I felt compatible with otherwise, I'd give it a few dates to see if my attraction could build. If I went on a first date and said "no" to a second, it was almost always because of some aspect of their personality or their behavior that was the reason, not their looks.
One more thing...it takes me a very long time to find the right combination of physical and mental attraction in one person. My current bf is the first relationship I've had since my last bf and I broke up 3 years ago. So I do think it takes patience to find, which makes it hard not to feel like we have to make that choice.
There's a stereotype that attractive people are mean, while unattractive people are nice. It has proven to be true but it has the same way except reverse the two.
Yes I know exactly what you were getting at mate and I know there are different levels of attractiveness
But what I'm refering to is you either find them attractive or you don't.....
Me personally I DONT have a specific type ......If I see one I like then I like her and if I don't I don't. I do this because if I went by nit picking every single characteristic of a lady ( like your example height, hair colour, bra size etc ) then I'd have more deal breakers than parliament! LOL...... Which I find is counter productive and wouldn't be worth my time as I'd be writing people off before I've even met them...... Which is incredibly rude in my opinion and would only hurt myself in the long run
As I said in my first post... It depends on what I'm looking for when I meet a lady but to answer your question for an actual relationship then she would have to have both so there wouldn't be any compromise.
Of course this is just my preference and opinion mate
I understand what you're saying. The bolded text above suggests you're flexible in the looks category, which I think is reasonable and even necessary if we ever hope to find a partner. In regards to finding someone with whom you would like to have a long term relationship, you may apply that flexibility in order to find someone compatible.
We can call the "flexibility" compromising or not.
Don't count on it. I don't find physical attraction "growing over time" actually the honeymoons over and one relies on other characteristics than the need for pouncing on their partner when he walks in the door.
Maybe we pounce on them because we're in love with them, their personality, their character, their intelligence, their spirit...and looks too. I certainly think it's a narrow view to think that physical attraction stands apart from all their other qualities. We must see them as a whole person, not just an attractive object.
I understand what you're saying. The bolded text above suggests you're flexible in the looks category, which I think is reasonable and even necessary if we ever hope to find a partner. In regards to finding someone with whom you would like to have a long term relationship, you may apply that flexibility in order to find someone compatible.
We can call the "flexibility" compromising or not.
I'm flexible in different characteristics but the same level of attractiveness and my intent has to be there mate .
With the personality part of course I want a similar level of sense of humour, banter, warmth and kindness for example that I would show them ( like anyone else would ) but I'm more than flexible with most things as I really do find that having an SO with a few different interests, hobbies or opinions is hugely beneficial as I'd learn something from them and probably try new things that I normally wouldn't consider
So yes we can call it a compromise I suppose... But as i really do look at them as a whole I've got much more chance in finding someone I like and can possibly overlook a trait or 2 that some would instantly dismiss due to their own list of deal breakers if you see?
Maybe we pounce on them because we're in love with them, their personality, their character, their intelligence, their spirit...and looks too. I certainly think it's a narrow view to think that physical attraction stands apart from all their other qualities. We must see them as a whole person, not just an attractive object.
Yeah, I've had a few relationships, and I'm telling my opinion and experience not asking for any guidance here, bc I know w/out crazy attraction I'm not settling for "well the personality's pretty good at least.'
For me personally, I am not too hung up on looks. Yes, a guy has to be physically attractive in order for me to "sneak a peek," but they must not know how good looking they really are. For some of the guys who know they are handsome, their personalities are too conceited. When someone does not know how beautiful they really are, not knowing can make them more humble and appealing. Plus, who I deem handsome is waaay different from what other women find handsome. Most of these internet celebs, regular celebs, and most of these music artist girls are into I find so unattractive; mainly, because of their personalities. Basically, your looks may catch my gaze, but you personality really has to sink me in.
Yeah, I've had a few relationships, and I'm telling my opinion and experience not asking for any guidance here, bc I know w/out crazy attraction I'm not settling for "well the personality's pretty good at least.'
What traits, for you, does crazy attraction entail? Are they traits that fade with time, if so what would you do when the things that initially made you "crazy" went gray?
As I've gotten older, looks are less important. Out of all the women I've dated over the past 2 months, I've chosen to start a relationship with the one who I'm least attracted to. I've done this because she shines in the compatibility and personality departments. Making this sort of decision is a new path I'm taking that I'm hoping will lead to happiness and fulfillment.
My question is this; how many of you believe that personality over looks provide the best possibility for a healthy long term relationship? In other words, would you be willing to adjust your standards in the looks department if the potential mate had a great personality?
I need the person to have both...meaning I need to be attracted to them and they need to have a great personality to boot!
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