Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I have been hanging Mr. CSD's jeans the way he likes them for more than 10 years now and I hang my jeans the same way I always have. I learned long ago that hanging clothes is what one does when they do not have dressers or other drawers available and cannot afford to purchase dressers or other drawers. *My Mother taught me this*.
OP: You and your girlfriend probably need to keep your own separate homes or find others who are more compatable.
The way you present this situation and your relationship is that you still fight and make up like you did when you were
15, 16, 17, etc., not communicating as mature adults do/should be doing.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,957,550 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by CSD610
I have been hanging Mr. CSD's jeans the way he likes them for more than 10 years now and I hang my jeans the same way I always have. I learned long ago that hanging clothes is what one does when they do not have dressers or other drawers available and cannot afford to purchase dressers or other drawers. *My Mother taught me this*.
Hmmn, I found dressers to be things one purchases when one runs out of proper closet space.
But seriously, jeans are never to go in the dryer, it destroys the spacing of the fabric and causes them to fade quicker (most people know this I think, it is especially important with selvedge jeans), so they are hung to dry, so to hang them, then take them off the hangers to fold them and stick them in a drawer, just, another thing that makes you go hmmn.
I have been hanging Mr. CSD's jeans the way he likes them for more than 10 years now and I hang my jeans the same way I always have. I learned long ago that hanging clothes is what one does when they do not have dressers or other drawers available and cannot afford to purchase dressers or other drawers. *My Mother taught me this*.
I'm the opposite.
Having lived in mostly vintage home with few and smaller closets compared to contemporary standards, storage space has always been at a premium. Clothing storage typically has required creativity with lots of things vying for storage space. That's where double-duty pieces like ottoman/window seat storage trunks have come in, also shelving and various other storage.
OP: you're too young, and have clearly never learned adult communication.
In addition, if you've been with this person since you were 15, you have very little experience interacting in a variety of relationships, and have not had much practice.
Last edited by TabulaRasa; 11-03-2016 at 09:45 AM..
My partner hangs everything- except t-shirts, socks and underwear. He's found, over the course of his 62 years, that doing this makes it a heck of a lot easier to find clothes in the morning.
Dated my GF since early 2008 and we moved into our apartment in May. Since then everything has been a fight. We fight over the grocery list( we're both into different kinds of food), the dishes( we both hate doing them so it's a fight over who has to do them), the tv. Everything in this place can be turned into an argument and I'm sick of it because this isn't like us. She was picking fights over how I hung up my jeans.. I'm at fault 100% of the time in her mind.
You must learn to choose your battles. Advice from my mother and me too:
1. If one cooks, the other does dishes.
2. Do not complain about how the other does chores. Maybe you don't like how your loved one cleans the tub. BE QUIET and be happy the other one is cleaning the tub in the first place. Only two exceptions: laundry and cooking. Laundry because you should stop a dummkopf from putting red things with white on hot and cooking because food needs to be made clean and safe and cooked the right way so you do not get sick.
3. One grocery list, one shopping trip. You two should go shopping together. This way nobody behaves like a child in public throwing tantrums about potato chips or kale.
4. Separate closets. You put your jeans your way, she puts her jeans her way. She does not go in your closet and you do not go in hers. If you must share, you get one side and she gets another and you keep your things on your side only and no one complains about the other.
If you cannot do any of this I am sorry but you are not grown up enough to live together. Wait until you have to plan a wedding. This one sounds like a bridezilla-to-be.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,957,550 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by mishigas73
My partner hangs everything- except t-shirts, socks and underwear. He's found, over the course of his 62 years, that doing this makes it a heck of a lot easier to find clothes in the morning.
Sit her down and have a talk. Agree to disagree. Be tolerant, accepting and have some patience. She needs to stop the bickering and nagging and tantrum. Tell her how you feel when she throws nasty comments at you. Have a grown up talk without accusations.
Maybe make a plan for cleaning. Maybe buy groceries separate and eat separate. Find a solution and if it doesn't work, make a different plan. If you have gotten along for 8 years it would be a shame to have it ruined now through the living situation.
And if/when the two of you decide to have a rational discussion, try really hard not to phrase things as "I" or "you". It should be "we" and "us".
WE have an issue with the housecleaning. WE need to figure out how to resolve it so it doesn't come between "US".
The moment you start with accusatory language is the moment the listening stops and anything positive is discarded.
Even if things don't work out in this relationship, you need the experience of conflict resolution before your next relationship or you will never be successful.
And if/when the two of you decide to have a rational discussion, try really hard not to phrase things as "I" or "you". It should be "we" and "us".
WE have an issue with the housecleaning. WE need to figure out how to resolve it so it doesn't come between "US".
The moment you start with accusatory language is the moment the listening stops and anything positive is discarded.
Even if things don't work out in this relationship, you need the experience of conflict resolution before your next relationship or you will never be successful.
OP, the above is correct.
My wife and I dated for three years before she moved back to her hometown to finish college. I moved back with her and for the first time we lived together.
There is a different dynamic when you live together. You're around each other a lot more often and begin to pick up on little quirks that may or may not annoy you. Those, if not addressed, will turn into big arguments.
We got married at 21, and have been married for going on 14 years now. There are a couple of lessons that we learned along the way.
Never let those silly quirks annoy you to the point that you've bottled up emotions and burst. Try to get past them and remember we all have our flaws. If you can't, then you need to find a way to address them as a couple and move forward.
The worst thing you can ever do is present a problem with "I" or "You". When you're a couple, you're one entity. So it's "WE".
My wife and I have honed a system over the past 17 years together. We work as a team.... there's no score-keeping and not specific task assigned to one person. She cooks, I wash the dishes. If she comes in and dishes are in the sink she just does them and puts them away as do I. If she doesn't like the way I clean something, she does it and vice versa. We don't discuss it or bring it up, we just do it. At the end of the day the more important thing is that it got done. Not how.
She didn't like the way that I washed her laundry because as a guy I used to do what most other guys did.... dump the entire basket in. She actually brought that one up and we had a discussion about it. I didn't get mad... I listened. When I understood why she didn't want them washed that way I began trying it her way. That's now actually my preferred method too. That was a prime time to start an argument or get defensive, but I didn't. I LISTENED because my goal in life is to keep her happy, and hers is to keep me happy. As for groceries, we go together. She gets what she wants and I get what I want. Over time though, our tastes have pretty much fallen into sync so usually what one wants the other agrees to anyhow.
Don't bring up all the petty stuff. And sometimes when she just needs to vent, LET HER. Keep quiet and don't take offense. Just say ok and move on. Sometimes she doesn't need a solution to something and may not be directing it at you, but instead venting TO you. Learn the difference.
This has to be a 50/50 effort. You have to learn to pick your battles on both sides, and learn when things are just petty and insignificant in the grand scheme of things. Never argue over money, and accept people for who they are. Something attracted you to her, and her to you. Remember what that was. It wasn't that she nags you on food, is a noisy eater, doesn't hang the laundry correctly, or some other petty little problem. Often times it's the differences that attract us in the beginning yet we seem to let the petty stuff take precedence over what drew us to the person to begin with.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,957,550 times
Reputation: 40635
Denim in the drawer
I have the playing house blues
Enlighten this wench!
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
. I'm at fault 100% of the time in her mind.
She actually brought that one up and we had a discussion about it. I didn't get mad... I listened. When I understood why she didn't want them washed that way I began trying it her way. That's now actually my preferred method too. That was a prime time to start an argument or get defensive, but I didn't. I LISTENED because my goal in life is to keep her happy, and hers is to keep me happy. As for groceries, we go together. She gets what she wants and I get what I want. Over time though, our tastes have pretty much fallen into sync so usually what one wants the other agrees to anyhow. 
