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Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,937 posts, read 36,951,955 times
Reputation: 40635
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sweet Like Sugar
But it's not like people are always forthcoming with important information. That's like saying that just because a man is on a date with you, you should assume that he isn't married so it's rude to ask him if he is. If you aren't concerned about whether a man you could potentially become involved with likes having sex with other men, don't ask the question. I would also assume that you wouldn't be bothered if you find out later that he does.
If someone is married, and cheating, and hiding it, do you expect them to answer that honestly?
I don't see the point in asking questions that are both unlikely to result in a honest response AND are likely to p*ss people off. What is the point? So one can pat oneself on the back later and say "well I asked!"??
If someone is married, and cheating, and hiding it, do you expect them to answer that honestly?
I don't see the point in asking questions that are both unlikely to result in a honest response AND are likely to p*ss people off. What is the point? So one can pat oneself on the back later and say "well I asked!"??
Well I went out with a guy who listed his status as single on OkCupid, but during our first meeting when I asked about whether he had ever been married, he said that he was currently separated. As in STILL married. If I had never asked the question, he may never have told me. So yes, if I'm curious about something, I'm going to ask.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,937 posts, read 36,951,955 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sweet Like Sugar
Well I went out with a guy who listed his status as single on OkCupid, but during our first meeting when I asked about whether he had ever been married, he said that he was currently separated. As in STILL married. If I had never asked the question, he may never have told me. So yes, if I'm curious about something, I'm going to ask.
That is something else entirely. He wasn't cheating and hiding it. Completely different situation.
That is something else entirely. He wasn't cheating and hiding it. Completely different situation.
It's not different. I wouldn't have agreed to go out with someone who was separated if I had known ahead of time. And guess what? It's years after the fact and he STILL isn't divorced.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,937 posts, read 36,951,955 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sweet Like Sugar
It's not different. I wouldn't have agreed to go out with someone who was separated if I had known ahead of time. And guess what? It's years after the fact and he STILL isn't divorced.
It is different than the question I asked. You did not answer the question I asked. I asked if someone is cheating and hiding it, would they answer honestly? Then you inserted a completely different scenario, with someone that was not cheating and hiding it. If you don't see how those are fundamentally different questions, then, well, damn.
It is different than the question I asked. You did not answer the question I asked. I asked if someone is cheating and hiding it, would they answer honestly? Then you inserted a completely different scenario, with someone that was not cheating and hiding it. If you don't see how those are fundamentally different questions, then, well, damn.
As I said earlier in the thread, a guy could lie about anything that you ask him. That doesn't mean that I'm just going to stop asking questions since he might not answer honestly.
There is no correlation between someone's voice and his or her sexuality. If it bothers you, fine, but it's ridiculous to draw the conclusion that someone may be gay because of the way his voice sounds. Chances are, he has as much control over the sound of his own voice as you do over yours.
This.
It really is disheartening that this offensive stereotype is still being promulgated.
In a case like this, I can see no reason to inquire about his sexual proclivities.
If his mannerisms turn you off, they turn you off, whether he swings both ways or not.
I went out with a guy exactly like that. Couldn't get past it. Really nice guy, but just couldn't take the feminine thing.
I have a girlfriend who has gone through the flip side of this for much of her life. She is not girly, she is very active, plays hockey, lacrosse, does motocross, and is an avid football fan, and many guys couldn't handle that she was more "masculine" than they were.
Sometimes you just can't help who you are or what you like. If it really bothers the OP then he isn't the guy for her.
As people have been alluding to, there's two things going on here.
First, there's nothing inherently wrong with him having an interest in men, so, on that level, there's nothing bad about asking him about it. It's not fundamentally different than asking if he likes fish while he's eating a steak.
However, the other side is the intent of the question. Beyond the pure ignorance of believing that one can determine sexual preference through speech patterns, mannerisms, etc...if the person is asking because they are accusing the other individual of being dishonest (You're dating me, but I think you actually like men) based on zero evidence, that's not rude, but...well, maybe it's just a display of ignorance. If it comes up just as a healthy part of discussion, then we're back to the first point of learning about a person's preferences which is a fundamental part of getting to know someone.
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