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The ONLY thing that I don't like and I'm super hung up on is that his mannerisms and the way he talks are VERY feminine, just like those of a feminine, gay man.
Mannerisms and ways of talking are not, in any way, an accurate method of determining sexual orientation.
You either like this guy, or you don't. That part is simple.
What would be less simple (yet, IMO, more important for you) is to determine where your stereotypes and fears come from.
Mannerisms and ways of talking are not, in any way, an accurate method of determining sexual orientation.
are good.
The rest...
They seem to have a fixed idea of how a relationship should work with no deviation. That's simply not true or remotely realistic.
Take your time, get to know the guy. See how things play out. Don't rush into anything or do/commit to anything before you're ready. And above all, as with EVERY relationship, be honest. If he asks how you feel about him, say what you said here (but maybe you can leave out the 'you might be gay' part).
Why not ask him if he is gay or not or ask why he acts so feminine?
OMG! Noooooo!
Oh ouch!
I wouldn't, OP...I would just go on: are you attracted? It seems to me you're saying you aren't. Isn't that really the bottom line here? Given that, should you really pursue this? Maybe that one more date to see how you feel and then...I don't know. If you're not feeling it (whether due to his mannerisms or some other reason), I can't see that you "should" pursue this or anything. Sometimes people check a whole bunch of boxes but still just don't do it for us.
Well, it's pretty rude to assume that someone is gay based upon their feminine nature when they might not be gay. I forgot I was in the age of the "PC" "SJW" culture
Fine. If you're so worried about him being so feminine, find someone else to hang out with until you know a little more about the guy you're interested in.
Well, it's pretty rude to assume that someone is gay based upon their feminine nature when they might not be gay. I forgot I was in the age of the "PC" "SJW" culture
Fine. If you're so worried about him being so feminine, find someone else to hang out with until you know a little more about the guy you're interested in.
What's PC or SJW about any of this?
She's a heterosexual female who is attracted to men who act in more masculine than feminine ways overall. Not every woman feels this way but the OP does (I think).
If there's anybody here trying to tiptoe around that simple and very basic fact by going full-on PC it's you.
It doesn't sound to me like the OP "would have" been attracted but doesn't think she "should" be because of the mannerisms, but rather, it sounds the other way around: she thinks she "should" be attracted because certain things about him seem right for what most women want, so she's trying to sort of make herself be attracted. I can't see how that can ever work.
Not every woman will be turned off by feminine mannerisms, so I'm not saying that, but this particular poster is, so why shame her for that? Are you turned on by masculine-acting (in various ways, there's no arbitrary definition there) women? If not, why not? If you're not, is it wrong that the next man is? Who's wrong - you or him? Does one of you have to be? Attraction is attraction. Your stance is kind of odd, IMO.
Some people will be hard on you for asking this, but I get it. I went out on a few Match dates with a guy and his way of speaking and mannerisms made me think he might be gay. He was very nice to me and I enjoyed being in his company, but the physical spark was not there for me. I gave it a few dates, but then it felt wrong to keep seeing him because I just didn't see ever being physically attracted to him.
It's hard to tow the line between giving someone a real chance knowing no one is perfect and you don't always feel sparks and fireworks right away, but also knowing when someone is a nice person, but just not the right person for you and you need to move on. Maybe give it a couple more dates and make a decision from there? Good luck!
Why not ask him if he is gay or not or ask why he acts so feminine?
Yeah, I would just ask if he's into men also. I have gone out with guys that seemed a bit gay to me too and I have asked the question. They obviously don't have to tell the truth about it but I still ask. I understand if it's something the OP can't get past though if she's just into a different type of guy.
Yeah, I would just ask if he's into men also. I have gone out with guys that seemed a bit gay to me too and I have asked the question. They obviously don't have to tell the truth about it but I still ask. I understand if it's something the OP can't get past though if she's just into a different type of guy.
Asking him if he's gay is beyond rude. OP, please do not do this.
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