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Old 11-05-2016, 01:20 PM
 
35 posts, read 20,098 times
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Personally, I never understood casual dating and have always frowned upon it. I'm a goal-oriented man and will not date for the hell of it. I will only date (or attempt to date) a woman if I consider her to be viable prospect for my long-term plans. Frankly, it baffles me that others have such an opposite view of things.

But then I'm also extremely opposed to divorce, which many others in our country seem to enjoy just as much as marriage. So I guess I'm just different.
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Old 11-05-2016, 01:32 PM
 
37,496 posts, read 45,805,567 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RbccL View Post
I guess I see going out socially with someone I'm not having sex with, as a friend
Well unless you have sex on the first date, then most initial dating is certainly dating without having sex. LOTS of people date someone a few times, and decide that they don't want to pursue a relationship, and stop dating them. Without ever having sex. Imagine that.
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Old 11-05-2016, 01:37 PM
 
Location: Queens, NY
4,525 posts, read 3,395,097 times
Reputation: 6030
Quote:
Originally Posted by dracoroni View Post
Personally, I never understood casual dating and have always frowned upon it. I'm a goal-oriented man and will not date for the hell of it. I will only date (or attempt to date) a woman if I consider her to be viable prospect for my long-term plans. Frankly, it baffles me that others have such an opposite view of things.

But then I'm also extremely opposed to divorce, which many others in our country seem to enjoy just as much as marriage. So I guess I'm just different.
Same. To me, that's just two friends hanging out (no different than if I was hanging out with one of my guy friends). If I'm "dating", it's usually because I'm trying to find something long term.

However, I disagree with you about divorce. In certain cases, divorce is needed and warranted.
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Old 11-05-2016, 01:46 PM
 
30,907 posts, read 32,927,258 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NewYorker11356 View Post
Same. To me, that's just two friends hanging out (no different than if I was hanging out with one of my guy friends). If I'm "dating", it's usually because I'm trying to find something long term.

However, I disagree with you about divorce. In certain cases, divorce is needed and warranted.
As Chessie said, isn't this how it always starts? Hanging out (or, going out...we are talking about actual dates here, not sitting at one another's house in our sweats flicking through hilarious kitty memes or somerhing, right?). Uness you plan on hitting it instantly, like immediately during that first date so you can classify it as "not having just hung out"?

How is going out, feeling attraction, and taking one's time deciding whether it will go further (or whether it might be someone else we will move forward with), "just friends"? We seem to be defining just friends here as not having had sex. It is this giant dividing line or something. Why? What voodoo magic happens with PIV that makes attraction and romantic hopefulness before "the act" just friends and not dating but afterward, okay, NOW it is dating? It was already dating! LOL! And newsflash, if you go out a few times with a question of this possibly someone you want to become romantically involved with but ultimately decide not to go further, it was still dating. Yes, even without PIV. Seriously.
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Old 11-05-2016, 01:50 PM
 
10,341 posts, read 5,842,316 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ChessieMom View Post
Well unless you have sex on the first date, then most initial dating is certainly dating without having sex. LOTS of people date someone a few times, and decide that they don't want to pursue a relationship, and stop dating them. Without ever having sex. Imagine that.
Imagine what? That I'm describing that situation as going out with a friend, to me that's what it is. Everyone has different perspectives.

Ha, Happy Snippy Saturday
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Old 11-05-2016, 02:07 PM
 
Location: Queens, NY
4,525 posts, read 3,395,097 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JerZ View Post
As Chessie said, isn't this how it always starts? Hanging out (or, going out...we are talking about actual dates here, not sitting at one another's house in our sweats flicking through hilarious kitty memes or somerhing, right?). Uness you plan on hitting it instantly, like immediately during that first date so you can classify it as "not having just hung out"?

How is going out, feeling attraction, and taking one's time deciding whether it will go further (or whether it might be someone else we will move forward with), "just friends"? We seem to be defining just friends here as not having had sex. It is this giant dividing line or something. Why? What voodoo magic happens with PIV that makes attraction and romantic hopefulness before "the act" just friends and not dating but afterward, okay, NOW it is dating? It was already dating! LOL! And newsflash, if you go out a few times with a question of this possibly someone you want to become romantically involved with but ultimately decide not to go further, it was still dating. Yes, even without PIV. Seriously.
What I meant was distinguishing between asking out a woman on a date (or multiple if it goes well), and asking a girl just to hang out with (making it known just as friends, so she doesn't get the wrong idea).
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Old 11-05-2016, 02:20 PM
 
35 posts, read 20,098 times
Reputation: 29
Quote:
Originally Posted by JerZ View Post
As Chessie said, isn't this how it always starts? Hanging out (or, going out...we are talking about actual dates here, not sitting at one another's house in our sweats flicking through hilarious kitty memes or somerhing, right?). Uness you plan on hitting it instantly, like immediately during that first date so you can classify it as "not having just hung out"?

How is going out, feeling attraction, and taking one's time deciding whether it will go further (or whether it might be someone else we will move forward with), "just friends"? We seem to be defining just friends here as not having had sex. It is this giant dividing line or something. Why? What voodoo magic happens with PIV that makes attraction and romantic hopefulness before "the act" just friends and not dating but afterward, okay, NOW it is dating? It was already dating! LOL! And newsflash, if you go out a few times with a question of this possibly someone you want to become romantically involved with but ultimately decide not to go further, it was still dating. Yes, even without PIV. Seriously.
Quote:
Originally Posted by NewYorker11356 View Post
What I meant was distinguishing between asking out a woman on a date (or multiple if it goes well), and asking a girl just to hang out with (making it known just as friends, so she doesn't get the wrong idea).
Agreed. It doesn't have anything to do with sex. I prefer not having sex until I get to know a woman anyway.

Hanging out as friends is the friend zone, plain and simple. At the very least, the woman needs to know that the man is interested (ie: he needs to ask her out and make his interest known), lest he be confined to friend zone purgatory indefinitely.
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Old 11-05-2016, 02:33 PM
 
10,341 posts, read 5,842,316 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dracoroni View Post
Agreed. It doesn't have anything to do with sex. I prefer not having sex until I get to know a woman anyway.

Hanging out as friends is the friend zone, plain and simple. At the very least, the woman needs to know that the man is interested (ie: he needs to ask her out and make his interest known), lest he be confined to friend zone purgatory indefinitely.
All if this makes perfect sense, so whats the debate? Seriously I dont know, is it the fact thst some refer to that person as their friend?
Whether there is SEX or not, hes not my significant other, boyfriend, lover (ish), fiancee, whatever the hell other than FRIEND.
If that's just kookoo to some and they think it means sex on the first date, im not aware how that conclusion has come about.
Posters who don't agree, please indicate what description it is that's acceptable to refer to this PERSON as?
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Old 11-05-2016, 02:43 PM
 
35 posts, read 20,098 times
Reputation: 29
Quote:
Originally Posted by RbccL View Post
All if this makes perfect sense, so whats the debate? Seriously I dont know, is it the fact thst some refer to that person as their friend?
Whether there is SEX or not, hes not my significant other, boyfriend, lover (ish), fiancee, whatever the hell other than FRIEND.
If that's just kookoo to some and they think it means sex on the first date, im not aware how that conclusion has come about.
Posters who don't agree, please indicate what description it is that's acceptable to refer to this PERSON as?
A friend is platonic. Typically, a guy that is simply friends with a woman has a personality that she finds attractive, but is not physically attractive. This is why it's so offensive to men to get put in the friend zone.

A date is someone that you are physically attracted to as well and you are considering whether or not to proceed further.

Very different meanings.
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Old 11-05-2016, 02:46 PM
 
Location: Polynesia
2,704 posts, read 1,825,685 times
Reputation: 4826
Quote:
Originally Posted by dracoroni View Post
Personally, I never understood casual dating and have always frowned upon it. I'm a goal-oriented man and will not date for the hell of it. I will only date (or attempt to date) a woman if I consider her to be viable prospect for my long-term plans. Frankly, it baffles me that others have such an opposite view of things.

But then I'm also extremely opposed to divorce, which many others in our country seem to enjoy just as much as marriage. So I guess I'm just different.
Students in high school and college are not marriage-minded or ready to settle down yet they date casually. Same with people fresh out of a divorce, or other life transition. Do you really frown upon people who date if they are not ready for marriage (or a serious committed relationship)?

I learned a lot about myself while I was casually dating, and it gave me a great deal of perspective. When I first met my husband, I could appreciate how rare and wonderful his qualities were, and what a great match we were together. He was so different and stood apart from all the other men I'd dated.
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