Checking your partner's browsing history? (dating, girlfriend, Asian, how to)

[xxbabeechick]

Do you do it? If yes, why? If not, why?

Just asking, as my ex said that me constantly checking his history was a hindrance to our trust in one another.

A little background: I checked his history and found pornography of a disturbing nature. When I discovered it I cried, and it ate away at me so much I had to confront him about it, even though it made me look like a psycho for checking.

He stopped looking at it after he knew I checked (or just as likely just learned how to delete his history off the browser), but just the fact that I continued to check really disturbed him.

I guess I'm just an inveterately nosy person, and I don't know why you'd want to be intimate with someone and not know what sites they view on their free time. I understand it's a violation of trust to snoop. Doesn't stop the compulsion.

What are your thoughts?

[Wingsy]

Originally Posted by xxbabeechick

Do you do it? If yes, why? If not, why?

Nope. As to why... because there's no need. He wouldn't look at kiddie porn or snuff, and those are the only two things I'd be upset about. Besides, I can glance over and see the porn he's looking at any time I want... it isn't something he has to hide from me because it doesn't bother me for him to look at it. Heck, I've bought a couple of videos for him I know he'd enjoy... and he has... and then I've enjoyed him.

I honestly don't get why people marry someone they have to hide stuff from... why on earth do people get involved with someone with whom they create a situation where they have to hide who they are, or what they are interested in? I'm just never going to comprehend that.

Then again, I also don't understand staying involved with someone you don't trust.

The dishonesty inherent in so many relationships is just staggering to me. All the ways couples lie to each other, and lie to themselves. Why would anyone want to live like that?

[cocytus]

Why check it?
Anything that you want to know about a person they either tell you ( voluntarily or involuntarily) or you'll be able to discern after knowing them for a while.
If they are "up to" something there will be more than enough furtive behavior and questionable excuses that further detective work isn't necessary.

Bottom line...IMHO,if you think that you need to to "snoop" on your partner..then your relationship is already in trouble.

[Brendancclarke]

Well somethng is going on here isn't it?

Do you think that it's wrong to look at porn? I'm not saying yes or no. I just want to know why you cried.

I really rather suspect that it isn't the porn itself that is bothering you. You would not have checked unless there was "A fly behind the ear" (as we say in Spain)... it means a niggling suspicion.

Do you suspect him of being unfaithful? Watching porn can sometimes indicate that his sex life is for some reason unflfilling for him. This is especially so when he does so in secret or if the porn is odd in some way. I don't mean freaky either. An old client of mine (I'm a relationship coach) found "Asian teens" favorited on her husbands computer. Now all the "models" were of legal age ofconsent so it isn't pervy or anything strange like that but seeing as he is French and she is a blond Italian girl, it indicates a possible veering away from the home bedroom wouldnt you say?

So was the porn a veering away or was it perverse?

If it was perverse then in all probability there is something wrong. He is probably dissatisfied and needs to talk openly about his sexual needs. He may even need to go to councelling. If it's like really weird then I would suggest it.

Now probably its not actually perverse but a (as I have said) a veering away from the home bedroom. Right?

Questions to think about (You don't have to answer on this forum)

How is the sexual energy flowing between you and he? Is it a bit stifled compared to before? Do you regularly make out? Yeah I know it's a teenage word but when you "make out" it all goes back to being fun and young. It's invigourating. Is there some sexual activity that you see on the porn that you and he dont do? Is it "normal" enough to do? Ok I'm not talking about ssome nasty stuff here (There is some very nasty porn goin round... er... so I'm told) jujst things that maybe giving him excitemnt that he has not dared ask for. Maybe?

Perhaps it's the male need fo variety of partner. I don't want to shock you but it's a very real need. Porn is sometimes a fantasy and a way of "blowing out" the desire for other females. It indicates that this desires is not being dealt with correctly. This can be overcome in different ways---

1. Playing games: You simply pretend to be someone else. Let him be James bond and you can be Urslula Andres. Meet at a hotel for sex and buy a new dress, get a new haircut and a suntan or something I dont know. Go to sex shop and buy some fun stuff.

How did all that feel to you? Did you freak? Did you go "Yeah that ounds good" because your level of sexual flow with him can be measured by sucha response. He sounds like he needs to feel that sexual flow. Porn will lose importance when the sexual flow increases.

2. Sex night: Make a date forsex and go to all the extremes that you would ifyou were dating. He must also go to those extremes... dressing up, flowers and everything.

3. OK the responsability is really on YOU because you asked but on HIM to have the integrity to not be unfaithful ever, to use his sexual energy only on you, to increase the sexual tension between you, to not waste sexual energy watching porn and single handedly "self entertaining".

I hope you take this advice seriously. You BOTH have a great responsibility to create the relationship that you desire. The porn is a warning bell that the sexual energy between you needs improving.

Take care now

Brendan

[PA2UK]

If what you found was that disturbing, not just normal porn, then you probably shouldn't still be with him - then you wouldn't feel the need to snoop. I don't snoop because I trust my husband and I know he wouldn't look at anything "disturbing". You need to find someone like that who you can trust and this guy is not it.

[RazorRob305]

Originally Posted by xxbabeechick

Do you do it? If yes, why? If not, why?

Just asking, as my ex said that me constantly checking his history was a hindrance to our trust in one another.

A little background: I checked his history and found pornography of a disturbing nature. When I discovered it I cried, and it ate away at me so much I had to confront him about it, even though it made me look like a psycho for checking.

He stopped looking at it after he knew I checked (or just as likely just learned how to delete his history off the browser), but just the fact that I continued to check really disturbed him.

I guess I'm just an inveterately nosy person, and I don't know why you'd want to be intimate with someone and not know what sites they view on their free time. I understand it's a violation of trust to snoop. Doesn't stop the compulsion.

What are your thoughts?

I don't think it's a hindrance because if someone has nothing to hide then what's the big deal? I actually went out with this girl who said that she kept everything private because she didn't want some people in her past to find her, but I actually found out that she cheated on me after she left her myspace page open by accident. She was messaging some other dude and talking about things they had done together. I dumped her azz ..Thanks to technology I found the truth instead of being led on and toyed with.

[TKramar]

Originally Posted by xxbabeechick

Do you do it? If yes, why? If not, why?

Just asking, as my ex said that me constantly checking his history was a hindrance to our trust in one another.

A little background: I checked his history and found pornography of a disturbing nature. When I discovered it I cried, and it ate away at me so much I had to confront him about it, even though it made me look like a psycho for checking.

He stopped looking at it after he knew I checked (or just as likely just learned how to delete his history off the browser), but just the fact that I continued to check really disturbed him.

I guess I'm just an inveterately nosy person, and I don't know why you'd want to be intimate with someone and not know what sites they view on their free time. I understand it's a violation of trust to snoop. Doesn't stop the compulsion.

What are your thoughts?

I've never felt the need to...but she's welcome to do so if she wants. I don't have anything to hide.

[JustJulia]

No, I don't look at his browsing history. I trust him.

[JSizzle225]

Why would you need to do this? You work at Hooters, that is the bestest job ever and every guys dream!!

[hnsq]

If my girlfriend started checking my internet history I would give her an option: stop checking behind my back or we can break up.

If a women doesn't trust me enough to simply ask instead of snooping around behind my back, there is no future for the relationship.