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He never will.
Ten years from now we will be hearing how he is working two jobs to support her lifestyle and that of their kids, how burnt out he is, and how mom is touting what a great girl he married.
Nothing will change
Well it's just that this time she is crying a lot over the weeks since we broke up and she says she is sorry for posting what she posted on facebook. She took it down and says she will apologize to everyone. She says she really will change this time and really means it.
She is even willing to sign a prenup she said in order to get me back. This is a huge surprise since her being offended by me asking her to, way back, seemed to be the possible route cause of where she started having problems with me. Unless the route cause was something else, but her offering to, I thought was a huge surprise. The thing is, is that if I give her another shot, I am worried it all may be a reprieve until we are married or something, where the problems will start again. So I am worried about that, but sometimes I feel I may be losing out, if I don't take a leap of faith. Not that I will get married anytime soon. But wonder if it's worth another shot dating wise.
OP, the issue isn't what she posted on FB. The issue is the cumulative effect of YEARS of drama, demands, and problems, and what ALL of that says about her character.
If you can't trust her and worry about what she'll be like after marriage, DO NOT MARRY HER! Don't take her back! You're wasting time on this. The longer you stay with her, and keep playing these ridiculous games, the longer it will take you to become independent, and find someone stable, mature, and genuinely caring (not to mention: self-supporting).
You need someone with integrity, maturity, and sincerity, who can manage her own financial affairs so that she's not always making demands and is able to love you for who you are. Go out and find that person. Your ex is not that person. Do you understand?
And btw; with someone who has a good job and is fiscally responsible, there would be no need for a pre-nup. The pre-nup was a terrible idea, though a necessary one, in view of your ex's demanding and irresponsible nature. With a better woman, there will be no need for it.
I am just wondering what my Mom is seeing in her. I mean she called my Mom and they talked for hours, and it must have been pretty good.
Women! Whatever. Don't worry about it. She's probably sweet-talking your mom, and pouring out her heart to her. Your mom doesn't have to live with her and put up with her negative characteristics.
And, of course she's crying. Break-ups, especially after this relationship has dragged on far longer than it should, are upsetting. Rejection stings. People cry. The tears aren't fake, (to answer one of your other questions), but they're coming mainly from a hurt ego. Also, she's not a mature person, so she really doesn't understand the issues involved.
Last edited by Ruth4Truth; 11-11-2016 at 01:46 PM..
So you think that no amount of counseling could change her, or me, into being a better couple, and seeing what to do right then? Cause that is what counseling is, right? Even though she keeps saying she loves me and is crying all the time? If she is just scamming, me than why put on this huge show of loving me, and wanting to get me back by contacting my sister and Mom and crying?
Why not just find a guy that is more agreeable with her ways?
No amount of counseling will change her into another person. If you need this much counseling as a couple before marriage, it's not a good sign. It means it's not a good fit, see? Dating didn't work out, and you need to find someone else. Possibly get to know several someone else-s, to find a good fit without all this drama, all the tears, the throwing up, the fits over hotel towels, the demands for money and weekly dinners with friends and other weekly dinners with relatives, all of it. If you'd called it off a year and a half ago, you might have already found a wonderful woman, and could be moving toward being engaged now. You're spinning your wheels with this person.
We know she's manipulative. All she would do in counseling is pretend to go along with whatever the counselor says, play the angel, and continue manipulating you. She has proven she's not trustworthy. Please get that through your head, and stop wasting more time and emotional energy on her.
The only reason why I got back into contact with her, is cause she contacted my Mom and my sister to talk about things.
You mean--to manipulate your family against you.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ironpony;
My mom says that my gf seems to love me from the bottom of her heart like she says. I told her I don't know if I can get back with her, after she humiliates me to everyone on facebook, about me being abusive to her.
I mean I had to yell at her and put my foot down a few times, if that can count as abuse, cause I wouldn't let her to talk.
But my mom says that every woman gets mad and does something they regret when angry, and if I am looking for one who doesn't, it's not going to happen.
Your mom is wrong.
Yelling and putting your foot down isn't abuse. What about all the times she yelled at you? Not abuse? Forget the abuse issue, OP.
Your ex may THINK she loves you from the bottom of your heart (IF that is sincere, which it may not be), but if that is truly how she feels (no one can ever know; not you, not your mom, not us), it means her love is very immature and not very deep. She doesn't have the capacity to love you as you deserve to be loved. She simply does not have it in her. Take, for example (just an example) narcissists. Let's say, a narcissistic parent. They may say they love their kids, but the way they actually treat their kids shows that they are not capable of genuine love. They have a mental disorder that makes that impossible. Their behavior does not conform at all with their words. And they're not capable of changing.
Your gf is not capable of loving you, and of behaving responsibly, calmly, rationally. For whatever reason, she just is not capable of that. You need to find someone who is.
One thing I didn't mention before cause I was ashamed, was that basically a few months ago, me and my gf were fighting about some things, and I got some made that I slapped in the face and snapped. After that I broke down, cried and regretted it, asking her to forgive me cause I was just mad and snapped.
So we worked it out. I felt terrible about doing it though, and wish I hadn't. I still feel ashamed of doing it and hadn't done anything like that in my life, aside from that one time.
This is why I feel guilty of leaving her. I feel so bad for doing that, that maybe her posting about me being abusive wasn't as bad as what I did, and maybe I'm the bad guy I feel.
One thing I didn't mention before cause I was ashamed, was that basically a few months ago, me and my gf were fighting about some things, and I got some made that I slapped in the face and snapped. After that I broke down, cried and regretted it, asking her to forgive me cause I was just mad and snapped.
So we worked it out. I felt terrible about doing it though, and wish I hadn't. I still feel ashamed of doing it and hadn't done anything like that in my life, aside from that one time.
This is why I feel guilty of leaving her. I feel so bad for doing that, that maybe her posting about me being abusive wasn't as bad as what I did, and maybe I'm the bad guy I feel.
Plot twist! Be honest, is this part of the book you're trying to write?
One thing I didn't mention before cause I was ashamed, was that basically a few months ago, me and my gf were fighting about some things, and I got some made that I slapped in the face and snapped. After that I broke down, cried and regretted it, asking her to forgive me cause I was just mad and snapped.
So we worked it out. I felt terrible about doing it though, and wish I hadn't. I still feel ashamed of doing it and hadn't done anything like that in my life, aside from that one time.
This is why I feel guilty of leaving her. I feel so bad for doing that, that maybe her posting about me being abusive wasn't as bad as what I did, and maybe I'm the bad guy I feel.
But you already have left her.
So what you're now telling us is that you want to marry a train wreck, out of guilt. Now think about that.
Is that how happy marriages are made? REALLY think about that, OP. Is that what you've dreamed of all your life? Is that what you've always wanted for yourself? To chain yourself for the rest of your life to chronic fighting (interspersed with good times), excess spending, demands for still more spending from a person unwilling to contribute financially to the household, and on and on.
Marriage is for life, at least in theory. If you're not going to go into it for life, and you don't trust her enough (for good reason) to give her full access to your assets without a pre-nup, why bother? Why do it at all? Because you're afraid to make a decision, or because you feel guilty about one incident? If you two are arguing so intensely that you were moved to strike her, that should tell you that marriage to her would be a disaster. Why would you sign up for a lifetime of that?
Last edited by Ruth4Truth; 11-11-2016 at 04:54 PM..
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