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lol Good posts. Tho I think the "White dress? Fuggedaboutit" was a little mean. But, about the Russian princess: I have a younger relative like that, in Canada (3rd generation Russki). When she was growing up, her mother made fabulous clothes for her. As a teen and 20-something in med school, her grandparents showered her with everything she wanted: designer clothes, and I'm not talking Calvin Kline, which is for plebes. I'm talking major fashion houses. Luxury vacations for her AND her boyfriend! Her grandparents put her in their will to inherit their house. Her mom travelled regularly to the city where she was doing her med program, to help her with her homework (mom was a nurse), seriously. The old school Russians invented helicopter parenting.
How could any mere mortal possibly live up to expectations like that? I haven't heard how the story turned out, relationship-wise; I've been out of touch. I suppose that if she got an MD degree, she could buy her own designer stuff. But still.... seems like the mom and grandparents would be an impossible act for any guy to follow. You dodged not a bullet, but a cannonball.
Yeah, well: no single, unattached woman should wear a white dress in my proximity, it may start to turn a bit singed at the edges and slightly reek of brimstone in short-order.
Imagine everything you described above in a Russian woman, minus the rich grandparents.
Welcome to my world. I'm finally wising up.
OP is too young to realize he's being taken to the cleaners for someone else's agenda. Once, however, you wise up and *know*, not just think, a partner has vampire-like tendencies you can sit back and enjoy the ride. Pay as you go. If at any time the expense becomes uncomfortable, well: as one famously said to me, "No such thing as too expensive, only insufficient income!"
Heck, from that point, it starts to become a genuine roller coaster ride!
I wouldn't marry this girl. She is all about the show and not about the marriage. Why is an expensive ring so important? I specifically told my husband I didn't want an expensive ring, or an expensive wedding. That stuff doesn't matter. What matters is how you get along, if you have the same ideas about life and finances. You don't. If you marry this woman I can guarantee you will be miserable down the road.
How strange that you are discussing marriage but not discussing finances? What exactly does marriage mean to either or both of you?
What Cantabridgienne said. You have a spoiled princess on your hands. Look dude, 50% of marriages end in divorce and money and money fights are the number 1 reason given for couples splitting up. Do not even think of marrying this princess until you two are in complete agreement as to how finances will be handled.
What Cantabridgienne said. You have a spoiled princess on your hands. Look dude, 50% of marriages end in divorce and money and money fights are the number 1 reason given for couples splitting up. Do not even think of marrying this princess until you two are in complete agreement as to how finances will be handled.
So true. Money and different sex drives are the top two reasons for divorce.
My bet is that showing her bills and pay stubs will make no difference. She still wants what she wants. She'll probably just get annoyed and tell him he has to get a better-paying job. At which point, he should say she'll have to find a guy with a better paying job.
Last edited by Ruth4Truth; 11-07-2016 at 11:57 AM..
Yeah, well: no single, unattached woman should wear a white dress in my proximity, it may start to turn a bit singed at the edges and slightly reek of brimstone in short-order.
Sorry to hear that. But there are non-white gowns, you know; champagne-colored, various off-white shades, pale pink. And I read recently that millennials are foregoing the traditional white altogether, and are branching way out to brighter colors, getting creative. FWIW.
Too bad you got burned, though. Proceed with caution, next time. Don't rush into anything. And don't let hotness blind you. That seems to be a major pitfall for men.
Me and my girlfriend have been having the argument lately about financial problems because she wants to get married immediately and already have a house
She wants the following ASAP
She wants a WEDDING
She wants a VERY EXPENSIVE ENGAGEMENT RING
She wants a HOUSE
She wants a WHITE DRESS
She wants a GETAWAY VACATION
Etc
I explain to her that there is absolutely no way i can give all that to her immediately
I live in California right now and as IT support professional I take home 3000$ monthly most of my money pays the basic and leave me a bit extra however theres no way my salary can pay all of that at once unless I save up
I live in an apartment by myself
she thinks that I don't want to get married and she says shes tired of waiting
She then starts mentioning that
Oh but other couples get married less then 6 months and get a house
But i am not that couple
Then she tells me she loves me that shes done a lot for me but she wants everything now
Shes not understanding at all about the fact that most of these things require saving up money and isnt something I can get immediately
Then I ask her if she wants she can contribute but it seems she doesnt want to.
Why do I want to married my girlfriend?
Shes done a lot for me shes gives me want i want.
Spends time with me on the weekend
Cherishes all the moments we have together
Cooks for me on the weekend
Etc
So on and so forth
Shes just very impatient when it comes to waiting for things like this and shes not understandable about this.
I am explaining to her that it has nothing to do with me wanting or not wanting but all of that costs a lot of money.
I told her honestly what I felt but feel like she wants to dump me because Im not exactly mr big money pants here.
Any thoughts or advice
Thanks.
First, learn even more about financial health, and use that learning to come up with discussion points that you can state from memory and easily.
Then, have a financial responsibility talk with her.
So true. Money and different sex drives are the top two reasons for divorce.
My bet is that showing her bills and pay stubs will make no difference. She still wants what she wants. She'll probably just get annoyed and tell him he has to get a better-paying job. At which point, he should say she'll have to find a guy with a better paying job.
She's 24 and living with her parents, right? Someone like that has never faced the economic realities the rest of us grown-ups face. She wants some guy to hand her the lifestyle she's used to. She has no clue that her parents likely struggled like crazy to make ends meet 25+ years ago.
This is hardly a new and unique problem. When you grow up in the affluent middle class, you develop a huge sense of entitlement that you deserve your lifestyle since you don't know anything else. It's basic human nature. I'm 58. This was pretty common when I was that age. In 2016 where there is a much bigger penalty if you don't obtain 21st century job skills to enable that lifestyle, it's an even more common problem now.
In this case, either her parents shield her from reality indefinitely or this princess gets launched and starts learning some of the life lessons that most of the rest of us learned the hard way. The OP is in a no-win situation. They really need a long term relationship with an adult, not a sheltered child.
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Sorry to hear that. But there are non-white gowns, you know; champagne-colored, various off-white shades, pale pink. And I read recently that millennials are foregoing the traditional white altogether, and are branching way out to brighter colors, getting creative. FWIW. 
