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Me and my girlfriend have been having the argument lately about financial problems because she wants to get married immediately and already have a house
She wants the following ASAP
She wants a WEDDING
She wants a VERY EXPENSIVE ENGAGEMENT RING
She wants a HOUSE
She wants a WHITE DRESS
She wants a GETAWAY VACATION
Etc
I explain to her that there is absolutely no way i can give all that to her immediately
I live in California right now and as IT support professional I take home 3000$ monthly most of my money pays the basic and leave me a bit extra however theres no way my salary can pay all of that at once unless I save up
I live in an apartment by myself
she thinks that I don't want to get married and she says shes tired of waiting
She then starts mentioning that
Oh but other couples get married less then 6 months and get a house
But i am not that couple
Then she tells me she loves me that shes done a lot for me but she wants everything now
Shes not understanding at all about the fact that most of these things require saving up money and isnt something I can get immediately
Then I ask her if she wants she can contribute but it seems she doesnt want to.
Why do I want to married my girlfriend?
Shes done a lot for me shes gives me want i want.
Spends time with me on the weekend
Cherishes all the moments we have together
Cooks for me on the weekend
Etc
So on and so forth
Shes just very impatient when it comes to waiting for things like this and shes not understandable about this.
I am explaining to her that it has nothing to do with me wanting or not wanting but all of that costs a lot of money.
I told her honestly what I felt but feel like she wants to dump me because Im not exactly mr big money pants here.
Any thoughts or advice
Thanks.
"Oh but other couples get married less then 6 months and get a house"
I'd say the majority (if not, most) of couples don't get married in less than 6 months AND buy a house (if not, both). Those things usually happen in years (or when both parties can manage something like that) She's wrong there, but her intention was to probably try to guilt trip you.
She acts like she's been waiting 6 years or something, it's been SIX months. A lot of couples are still in the very beginning stages in their relationship around that time.
Has she always been this unreasonable, or it's something that came out of the blue? I wonder if she wants to break up with you, and is using this an excuse to do so (not sure what else it could be?). The fact that she KNOWS you can't afford all that right now (nor if you want to), and her not even wanting to chip in makes me really wonder...
I get that there may be more to the story, but reading that, I don't believe she's the one for you at all.
She'd be better off finding someone that makes a lot of money, and wants to get married right away. Her trying to pressure you into all this before you can provide that, AND emotionally want to do so is very wrong on her part.
Last edited by NewYorker11356; 11-06-2016 at 01:38 AM..
"Oh but other couples get married less then 6 months and get a house"
I'd say the majority (if not, most) of couples don't get married in less than 6 months and buy a house (if not, both). She's wrong there, but her intention was to probably try to guilt trip you.
I get that there's probably more to the story, but reading that, I don't believe she's the one for you.
Has she always been this unreasonable, or it's something that came out of the blue? I wonder if she wants to break up with you, and is using this an excuse to do so.
She's probably better off finding someone that makes a lot of money, and wants to get married right away.
Yeup I was honest
Theres no way I could give all that to her not immediately at least
She thinks her time is ticking but yea I would have expect most ladies to be patient with these kinds of things.
I am only saving up for the engagement ring but if she can't wait can't do much.
I think if she wanted to break up she would have long ago.
And no shes been looking to get married for a couple of months
The problem is all of this requires a bit of saving
She used to me giving her what she wants
Yeup I was honest
Theres no way I could give all that to her not immediately at least
She thinks her time is ticking but yea I would have expect most ladies to be patient with these kinds of things.
I am only saving up for the engagement ring but if she can't wait can't do much.
I think if she wanted to break up she would have long ago.
And no shes been looking to get married for a couple of months
The problem is all of this requires a bit of saving
She used to me giving her what she wants
I edited my first post.
If you don't mind saying, how old is she? If she's in her mid-late 30's (or even early 30's), then it makes a bit of sense.
If younger than that, then I don't know...lol. You say she wanted to get married 4 months into the relationship? For most people, that is extremely fast (it would take me years to even consider marriage). That would have me running, lol.
You say she's used to you giving everything she wants. There's your first problem.
Last edited by NewYorker11356; 11-06-2016 at 01:42 AM..
Traditionally, the bride's family pays for the wedding, the wedding dress, etc. Perhaps you need to point that out to her if she doesn't know that it's not your responsibility.
Also, a home mortgage would be in both your names presumably and therefore it would not be unreasonable for you each to contribute towards the downpayment and note payments.
Is she very young? It sounds like she is living in la-la land and has never had to work for what she wants.
If you don't mind saying, how old is she? If she's in her mid-late 30's (or even early 30's), then it makes a bit of sense.
If younger than that, then I don't know...lol. You say she wanted to get married 4 months into the relationship? For most people, that is extremely fast (it would take me years to even consider marriage). That would have me running, lol.
We broke up for a bit then got back together i would say its been almost a year
But yea we are in our late 20 about to almost reach the 30's
She wants EVERYTHING IMMEDIATELY thou
I will have a heart to heart discussion tommorow about this again with her
She told me today
But you make more money than me hunn
How is that not enough?
Sure its california it aint exactly cheap here
But she wants things that are expensive too
Eats out every weekend
Sometimes wants clothes
And we even went to her favorite theme park
I really dont mind thou
Shes gives me a lot in return
But i would either need her to be patient or out her part as well
We broke up for a bit then got back together i would say its been almost a year
But yea we are in our late 20 about to almost reach the 30's
She wants EVERYTHING IMMEDIATELY thou
I will have a heart to heart discussion tommorow about this again with her
She told me today
But you make more money than me hunn
How is that not enough?
Sure its california it aint exactly cheap here
But she wants things that are expensive too
Eats out every weekend
Sometimes wants clothes
And we even went to her favorite theme park
I really dont mind thou
Shes gives me a lot in return
But i would either need her to be patient or out her part as well
It definitely sounds like she's spoiled, and used to getting things her way.
Seems like she wants her cake, and to eat it as well.
If she really wants all that now, before you can even afford it or emotionally want to, then it might be time to break up with her.
Traditionally, the bride's family pays for the wedding, the wedding dress, etc. Perhaps you need to point that out to her if she doesn't know that it's not your responsibility.
Also, a home mortgage would be in both your names presumably and therefore it would not be unreasonable for you each to contribute towards the downpayment and note payments.
Is she very young? It sounds like she is living in la-la land and has never had to work for what she wants.
She works for a living but she makes less than i do and lives with her family.
She contributes a bit to our dates but I always tell her on dates that if she wants something let me know
But yeah your right on the spot for what you say.
She just gotten very used to me giving her want she wants which I clearly dont mind
But something like a house or wedding takes times
Especially a house
Heck im currently saving up for the engagement ring.
She works for a living but she makes less than i do and lives with her family.
She contributes a bit to our dates but I always tell her on dates that if she wants something let me know
But yeah your right on the spot for what you say.
She just gotten very used to me giving her want she wants which I clearly dont mind
But something like a house or wedding takes times
Especially a house
Heck im currently saving up for the engagement ring.
If she lived on her own and paid her own bills and what not, then she would understand in all likelihood.
If she lived on her own and paid her own bills and what not, then she would understand in all likelihood.
As it stands, she still lives at home.
Yes even her family gives her what she wants but she doesn't pay rent to top it off
Its not easy for her to understand
Personally I just feel pressured in my heart and I have a hard time saying no to her shes a very sweet girlfriend and don't want to disappoint her if I have the money I would sure do it in a heart beat.
The other thing she told me is to get A higher paying job but I am not leaving an IT School District job to work for the private sector which while it pays higher is very unstable.
Plus the benefits are good and the hours let me spend time with her on weekends .
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