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Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Too early, you have no idea if you're sexually compatible. The worst idea is to commit, then have sex, find out that it just isn't there and then having to immediately end the relationship. You're barely dating, you don't have enough info to make this decision.
Too early, you have no idea if you're sexually compatible. The worst idea is to commit, then have sex, find out that it just isn't there and then having to immediately end the relationship. You're barely dating, you don't have enough info to make this decision.
yeah, there is definitely that. I don't want to have sex with someone who is probably having sex with others, but at the same time life is too short for bad sex.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,957,550 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by SelfRescuingPrincess
yeah, there is definitely that. I don't want to have sex with someone who is probably having sex with others, but at the same time life is too short for bad sex.
Well, unless you're having a threesome, they won't be at the same time.
So she came over to my place last night and we cooked dinner together. She had told me she'd have to make it an early night because she had a relative coming into town the next morning and they were getting brunch. So that was kind of a red flag for me right there. Anyways, it was a nice night, but when she was ready to leave, I asked if we could just sit and talk for a quick minute.
I didn't bring up the exclusive talk, but I did tell her I was really enjoying hanging out with her and that I really liked her. But since it had been almost a month and seven dates, we should definitely be honest with each other on how we are feeling things are going. Her answer was that she was having a really nice time with me as well, but she "just wasn't there yet" and wasn't "feeling that spark" yet. She also said that it doesn't mean she's not interested to see where this is going, but perhaps we "pump the brakes for a bit."
So, obviously not the answer I was hoping for. But it is a bit of a relief knowing where she stands on things, and I can move on without worrying about missing out on something great...
So she came over to my place last night and we cooked dinner together. She had told me she'd have to make it an early night because she had a relative coming into town the next morning and they were getting brunch. So that was kind of a red flag for me right there. Anyways, it was a nice night, but when she was ready to leave, I asked if we could just sit and talk for a quick minute.
I didn't bring up the exclusive talk, but I did tell her I was really enjoying hanging out with her and that I really liked her. But since it had been almost a month and seven dates, we should definitely be honest with each other on how we are feeling things are going. Her answer was that she was having a really nice time with me as well, but she "just wasn't there yet" and wasn't "feeling that spark" yet. She also said that it doesn't mean she's not interested to see where this is going, but perhaps we "pump the brakes for a bit."
So, obviously not the answer I was hoping for. But it is a bit of a relief knowing where she stands on things, and I can move on without worrying about missing out on something great...
Well done! So glad to hear that you had the discussion with her and that she was forthright with you. You handled yourself well. It's good to know where you stand and now you can get yourself back out there and find the woman of your dreams. Good luck!
So she came over to my place last night and we cooked dinner together. She had told me she'd have to make it an early night because she had a relative coming into town the next morning and they were getting brunch. So that was kind of a red flag for me right there. Anyways, it was a nice night, but when she was ready to leave, I asked if we could just sit and talk for a quick minute.
I didn't bring up the exclusive talk, but I did tell her I was really enjoying hanging out with her and that I really liked her. But since it had been almost a month and seven dates, we should definitely be honest with each other on how we are feeling things are going. Her answer was that she was having a really nice time with me as well, but she "just wasn't there yet" and wasn't "feeling that spark" yet. She also said that it doesn't mean she's not interested to see where this is going, but perhaps we "pump the brakes for a bit."
So, obviously not the answer I was hoping for. But it is a bit of a relief knowing where she stands on things, and I can move on without worrying about missing out on something great...
I personally would bow out. My ego wouldn't let me keep pursuing a woman as much as you appear to be, she's made it clear that she's not hot to trot.
I don't want to have to "grow" on a woman, she's either into me or not, fairly quickly, doesn't have to be instantly but way faster than you've described here. She's telling you to take it easier. I think if she was really feeling ya, she'd be a bit more open about it. Doesn't mean she has to have sex with you, but IDK.
Again, I'd cut her loose if'ing I were you. Do you really wanna be that guy that she has to learn to like and be hot for????
I get another text from her the next day saying, "Hey, I'm sure what I said wasn't necessarily what you wanted to hear, but I am enjoying spending time with you and glad you brought it up. Let's plan to do something after the thanksgiving holiday!"
I responded that she shouldn't worry about what she said last night, and that the last thing I want to do is pressure her into something she may or may not be comfortable with. And if she is more in the "unsure but interested" category opposed to the "not feeling it" category, I'd be willing to slow it down but still seeing each other. But again, at this point we should just be honest with each other so we are not leading the other one on. Told her to take some time, think about things, and I'd do the same, and if she was still interested, I'd love to get together again after the holiday.
But as a few of you have already said, if she's not feeling it by this point, I'm not sure that another few weeks will make a difference. That being said, because we are getting close to holiday season, I don't want to start new with anyone right away, and will probably wait until after the new year to start dating again. In the meantime, depending how the conversation goes in a few weeks, I may see this girl once more, just to test things out. Obviously if we get together again, the date will be very low key. But I am not holding out much hope for this.
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