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i have been dating a guy for 5 months. we both have kids and are taking things really slow. hes wonderful and attentive and we go on dates and he calls me every day. hes a nice honest guy, good father.
he separated a year before we met (full separation) but still is going threw the divorce, money kids laywers etc.
we were chatting and i said what are your future goals. i mentioned that me and my ex had conflicting goals about the future (traveling, money etc).
his response was...
"im not really sure now. my prior plans to spend my life with someone special fell apart"
(there is more to the story but im curious how someone else might react to that..)
Dear he's had probably a rough seperation and he hasn't quite recovered yet. Give him time to get through that mess before you guys start talking about future moves.
I would tread lightly on this one. Apparently he's not completely over his ex and most likely dwelling on his past marriage. If your plan is to get involved with him, be wary of his baggage.
"im not really sure now. my prior plans to spend my life with someone special fell apart"
he said since those plans involved 2 people he didnt really have other plans, so said he should probably take some time to think about it more.
(there is more to the story but im curious how someone else might react to that.. because i didnt not react well)
I think it was a joke, a little reflective or self deprecating humor. I've said similar: "I guess I don't know how to have a mutually satisfying relationship, I've been single for 8 years, it's kind of fun trying to figure it out though."
How did you "not react well"? Cry? Insult him? That probably wont make him want to be with you more, he'll just think you're too serious and can't find the humor in dating. If you wanted him to say his goals are to get serious and married as soon as his divorce is final, you aren't looking at him and his situation realistically.
I would tread lightly on this one. Apparently he's not completely over his ex and most likely dwelling on his past marriage. If your plan is to get involved with him, be wary of his baggage.
what makes you think that? the way he said my life with someone special fell aparl?
if you wanted him to say his goals are to get serious and married as soon as his divorce is final, you aren't looking at him and his situation realistically.
i dont really care that he doesnt have independent goals yet.. i was asking about like, for example i want to travel. live in the mountains, open an ice cream store type of goals
TOTALLY not looking for relationship goal type answers.. i had asked him about "mindsets about life" so he knows what i was talking about.
i dont really care that he doesnt have independent goals yet.. i was asking about like, for example i want to travel. live in the mountains, open an ice cream store type of goals
TOTALLY not looking for relationship goal type answers.. i had asked him about "mindsets about life" so he knows what i was talking about.
How did you 'not react well' to the answer he gave?
Oops! Sorry, now that you've edited your post my responses don't make sense. ...Nevermind
How did you 'not react well' to the answer he gave?
Oops! Sorry, now that you've edited your post my responses don't make sense. ...Nevermind
i understand. i just edited so maybe people could focus on the one thing i was asking about.
anyway i stayed calm and just asked him to elaborate. but inside i was freaking out. to me it meant he was not over her, i was asking about his goals and got a comment about the ex
i understand. i just edited so maybe people could focus on the one thing i was asking about.
anyway i stayed calm and just asked him to elaborate. but inside i was freaking out. to me it meant he was not over her, i was asking about his goals and got a comment about the ex
That's ok! It actually more clearly defined the story though, he isn't over her. His "happily ever after" was temporarily shattered. Don't take it personally, just hang in there if you think he's worth it.
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