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OP, I'm a widow too for about the same length of time as you. I'm going to strongly suggest that you aren't ready to have a man in your life right now and that you focus on you and in getting to a place of acceptance after your husbands death.
I'm suggesting that you do the things and experiences that perhaps you haven't been able to do and get to know yourself in this life now of being by yourself. It's so different now; I was with my husband for 17 years. I'm not getting married again either and I also know that in closing in on almost two years of being a widow, I'm not ready to have a relationship or a FWB or whatever. I've been thinking about it but because I'm not certain about what I want I know I'm not ready. Give yourself time.
You've mentioned being confused and lonely. I get that totally. I'm suggesting you slow down a bit with your affections for him; he may sense that you're a bit frantic about having company. He seems to like you but he's being cautious probably because you are a widow.
You are a widow but that doesn't define all of what you are. The pain of losing your husband will always be there it won't go away; you just get used to it. I'm urging you to work on learning what it is that you enjoy and need from within rather than seeking it outside of yourself. Once you have a good center with that you'll be more comfortable in having a relationship again.
I just wanted to add for those that brought up grief counseling that I actually did attend group meetings for almost a year and I see a therapist once a week now. Of course I'm still grieving but I want to focus on life right now and not fixate on my husband's death. He's gone and I need to move on for my own sanity.
I've read that a few people think that maybe I'm bad in bed and maybe that's the case but I doubt it. I'm open and passionate and willing to please so I don't know what else a man wants. We have great chemistry, he's always kissing me and wanting to touch me when we're together so if he's not attracted to me why does he do those things? I know I don't want to kiss someone I'm not attracted to. I guess he could be faking it but why?
We're not married so he can move on easily if he wanted to. I gave him an out and he didn't take it so I'm taking that as a good sign for now. He had a bad relationship before me so maybe he does just want to take things slow. I think he's a good person but maybe his sex drive isn't as high as mine. I think that's something we can work on later if things work out.
It's no different than at 18, if there is a women we dig, and she's good at it, we want it plenty often.
If we don't, we don't dig em that much, or they're not good in bed, or the sexual chemistry isn't there.
There is no difference. But if thinking it is the guy makes you feel better, keep on thinking that. Anything to boost the ego. Women almost never think they're not good in bed (I can tell he enjoyed it!), so it couldn't be that, of course
So he liked having sex with you but not hanging out with you. Happens really frequently with both men and women. Very common, much more common than wanting both.
Eh...men think they're great in bed too...doesn't make it so. And they always think they want it more...problem is that no matter how horny a woman is, if the sex is so lousy she can't get off she won't be going back - but it's not for lack of "drive".
If a guy is head over heels in love with a woman, he doesn't hide it, unless he's not.
We've only known each other six weeks so I don't expect him to be in love with me but I do get what you're saying. This has been my experience with love also, in the beginning my husband did anything to spend time with me. We went without sleep and nothing else mattered but being together. I know he is not my husband and we're older and have more commitments so spending every minute of the day together isn't possible but I still expect some effort. I don't want to be an obligation though I want a man to want to be around me without prompting.
Maybe my expectations are too high. I want a man to be crazy about me. I don't want ordinary, I want something amazing. I had it once and maybe I'll never have it again but I'm not ready to give up on finding real love again someday. It might not happen with this guy but we can still have fun together and see what happens.
This probably sounds flimsy, but if I'm not really feeling like the guy wants to be with me, if I have any doubts like this, generally, he really isn't all that into me.
Any time a guy was really into me I had basically zero doubts and yes, he did whatever it took to see me and when he couldn't see me, he was calling. Not 24/7, obviously, but absolutely often enough that I didn't wonder. I don't know how to explain that any better than that. It was really more a feeling, I think. But the bottom line was that I didn't have doubts about whether he "could" be seeing me more than he was but just wasn't trying to, or anything like that.
Every situation is different but this seems like a tangle because no matter what we say, you feel the way you feel: that this guy just doesn't want to see you as much as you see him.
I would be looking around, personally. I don't mean that in a cold way or anything, but it feels like this will just continue for you, and wanting a person more than he wants you is not a good place to be. You deserve to feel really wanted and eventually, loved. Everybody does. This guy isn't doing anything "bad," we can't make ourselves feel for another person exactly the way that person wants. It's a two-way street and you both need to be into it. JMO.
I need some honest opinions here. I'll try to make my story as short as possible. I'm 35 and a single mother of a four year old. My husband died a year and a half ago and C is the first man I've dated since my husband passed. I met C six weeks ago at a party of a mutual friend and we hit it off instantly. C is 44 and divorced with grown children.
After our initial meeting things seem to move pretty fast. We started texting and talking on the phone everyday and for the first two weeks spending a lot of time together. C would usually come over my house after my son went to bed and we would talk for hours and make out like teenagers. I felt like I was falling fast and I could tell he felt the same way. I wanted to sleep with him but I wanted us to be able to spend the entire night together our first time and that couldn't happen with my son at home.
After seeing each other about six times in two weeks and talking quite a bit we made plans to spend the entire night together (my son spend the night with grandma.) So that night we went out to a nice dinner and had sex at his house. Ever since that night C seemed to change a little.
Anyway, over the last four weeks since we first had sex something seems off with C. We've only slept together four times and he doesn't seem as interested in sex as me. I know he likes it but I feel like he doesn't want it enough. I'm used to men wanting sex all the time. I'm confused, he still calls and texts me everyday but he doesn't make much effort to see me in person. He tells me he likes me and wants to keep seeing me but he seems content to see me once a week now. He says he's busy with work and he's not seeing anyone else and I do believe him but I don't understand why he doesn't want to see me and have sex with me more.
Last week I told him how I feel and that I want to see him more and he said that he doesn't want to lose me and he'll work on it but this week hasn't been any different. I like this guy but I need more. I don't need to see him everyday but I would like to see him at least three times a week. I'm lonely and I crave a connection with someone. I just really like him and want to get to know him better.
So I guess this is my question for the men out there (over 40 preferably), if you really like a woman wouldn't you want to spend more time with her? Wouldn't you want sex more than once a week? I'm not a model but I'm a decent looking woman and I could get another man if I wanted to but I want this guy. Is he just not into me or am I asking for too much time to soon? He says he likes me but his actions don't show it. Should I give up and move on? I'm new at this dating thing and I have no idea what I'm doing. Help! Thanks for reading, sorry it's so long.
He probably likes you....but when you have to make plans ahead to sleep with each other because of fears that a child will find out, I think it would cut the passion down...a lot.
Maybe the fact that you insist on hiding this "relationship" from your son makes him feel that YOU are the one not taking it seriously.
He's probably wondering a lot about that.
I'm wondering why he comes to "talk for hours" with you only AFTER your sons gone to bed.
It would make me feel (were I him) that I'm not good enough to meet and establish friendship with your son....what's wrong with the boy knowing his mom has a man in her life....and why is he (son) being excluded?
He may like you...but YOUR actions are showing that you don't trust him...especially with your son.
He should be allowed to become friends with your child, as well as you......or it basically comes down to a mostly sexual thing for you and him.. and maybe he also wants more.
I need some honest opinions here. I'll try to make my story as short as possible. I'm 35 and a single mother of a four year old. My husband died a year and a half ago and C is the first man I've dated since my husband passed. I met C six weeks ago at a party of a mutual friend and we hit it off instantly. C is 44 and divorced with grown children.
After our initial meeting things seem to move pretty fast. We started texting and talking on the phone everyday and for the first two weeks spending a lot of time together. C would usually come over my house after my son went to bed and we would talk for hours and make out like teenagers. I felt like I was falling fast and I could tell he felt the same way. I wanted to sleep with him but I wanted us to be able to spend the entire night together our first time and that couldn't happen with my son at home.
After seeing each other about six times in two weeks and talking quite a bit we made plans to spend the entire night together (my son spend the night with grandma.) So that night we went out to a nice dinner and had sex at his house. Ever since that night C seemed to change a little.
Anyway, over the last four weeks since we first had sex something seems off with C. We've only slept together four times and he doesn't seem as interested in sex as me. I know he likes it but I feel like he doesn't want it enough. I'm used to men wanting sex all the time. I'm confused, he still calls and texts me everyday but he doesn't make much effort to see me in person. He tells me he likes me and wants to keep seeing me but he seems content to see me once a week now. He says he's busy with work and he's not seeing anyone else and I do believe him but I don't understand why he doesn't want to see me and have sex with me more.
Last week I told him how I feel and that I want to see him more and he said that he doesn't want to lose me and he'll work on it but this week hasn't been any different. I like this guy but I need more. I don't need to see him everyday but I would like to see him at least three times a week. I'm lonely and I crave a connection with someone. I just really like him and want to get to know him better.
So I guess this is my question for the men out there (over 40 preferably), if you really like a woman wouldn't you want to spend more time with her? Wouldn't you want sex more than once a week? I'm not a model but I'm a decent looking woman and I could get another man if I wanted to but I want this guy. Is he just not into me or am I asking for too much time to soon? He says he likes me but his actions don't show it. Should I give up and move on? I'm new at this dating thing and I have no idea what I'm doing. Help! Thanks for reading, sorry it's so long.
I am a mid fifties guy and i am a horndog. I would see you as much as possible and would love your interest in sex. I work all the time but i would find a way to make time for you. 40 and 50's guys are just as horny as the younger ones. You have nothing to lose, ask him why he doesn't make more time and if he doesn't enjoy the sex. There are a ton of guys who would go for a deal like yours in a second. He may just not be the one.
We've only known each other six weeks so I don't expect him to be in love with me but I do get what you're saying. This has been my experience with love also, in the beginning my husband did anything to spend time with me. We went without sleep and nothing else mattered but being together. I know he is not my husband and we're older and have more commitments so spending every minute of the day together isn't possible but I still expect some effort. I don't want to be an obligation though I want a man to want to be around me without prompting.
Maybe my expectations are too high. I want a man to be crazy about me. I don't want ordinary, I want something amazing. I had it once and maybe I'll never have it again but I'm not ready to give up on finding real love again someday. It might not happen with this guy but we can still have fun together and see what happens.
I'm sure most women feel this way, I know I do.
Amazing things only happen when we're ready - not when we *think* we're ready..
One of my hardest lessons and constant reminders is that things always unflold in their own time - not on "my" time.
Learn to be patient with yourself & others; release the urge to exert control over outer situations beyond your control ~ and just allow things to be what they will.
As it goes, sometimes "rejection is God's protection".
+ If you don't believe in God, then @ least believe in yourself. Nobody knows better what's best for you, than you!
I don't have to have a man in my life. I have been alone for a year and a half and I wasn't even looking to date anyone when I met him. My life focus is my son and my job. This is just a distraction from reality. My life has been filled with death and pain for so long that I'm just looking for a little happiness. I want this man in my life, I do not need him. I'm not desperate. I've been through hell and I want something that feels good right now. I am well aware that he is not my husband. I don't expect him to be. My husband is dead. I live with that every day.
Okay, but the words you have written show a different story.
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He probably likes you....but when you have to make plans ahead to sleep with each other because of fears that a child will find out, I think it would cut the passion down...a lot.
