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Old 11-12-2016, 09:04 AM
 
10,341 posts, read 5,841,591 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by fleetiebelle View Post
Right, I realize that he's trying to provide as much information as possible, and that there may be a language barrier happening, but dating should be fun and light and not read like a technical manual.
That may be what 100 women he approached in Fargo are also thinking...with over 85% being Scandinavian/German. Our differences make us special, but while you have their attention, think of a genuine question, something interesting/funny (self-deprecating?)/humble/to say.
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Old 11-12-2016, 09:28 AM
 
Location: southwestern PA
22,413 posts, read 47,402,095 times
Reputation: 47675
Quote:
Originally Posted by RbccL View Post
That may be what 100 women he approached in Fargo are also thinking...with over 85% being Scandinavian/German. Our differences make us special, but while you have their attention, think of a genuine question, something interesting/funny (self-deprecating?)/humble/to say.
And OP, the joke about Kentucky in your profile is an example of NOT funny.
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Old 11-12-2016, 10:37 AM
 
Location: Middle of the valley
48,445 posts, read 34,627,532 times
Reputation: 73575
I don't understand the "take over my cases" either.

Until you are mentally healthy, I don't think it is a good idea to date. I agree with the working out. It will improve posture and fill you out, add a healthier, more athletic look. It will also help alleviate depression. Chronic chest pain? What does your doctor say?

You mentioned your dentist said you could not whiten your teeth? Did he say why?
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Old 11-12-2016, 10:38 AM
 
Location: Austin, TX
1,351 posts, read 1,594,630 times
Reputation: 2957
Quote:
Originally Posted by DontH8Me View Post
Breathtaking, how much time and energy was invested in this thread, OP.
Yep. And that right there strikes at the core of his problem in dating, anxiety, depression and perhaps some other negative aspects of his life.

OP...to get right to the point...you care WAY too much.

The mind is a great and obviously vital thing...but living too long or too deep inside your own head is bad, very bad. It can make it much harder to form and maintain natural, emotional connections with others...not just romantically, but also in friendships, etc. It also makes it much harder to be spontaneous and genuinely expressive while around others, which often means that conversations are awkward (instead of free-flowing) and humor is nonexistent or ineffectively delivered.

Most people just live their lives, be "in the moment" from time-to-time, try/explore new things occasionally, take fun/interesting risks occasionally, and take things in stride.
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Old 11-12-2016, 10:44 AM
 
Location: Middle of the valley
48,445 posts, read 34,627,532 times
Reputation: 73575
Read your post.

Do you see the irony in "many people say I'm stubborn" and then list why you are not?

You will change quickly for the right woman?

Then you say you are good at telling jokes right after you tell one that insults the populace of the state you live in?

I would find all the self help books (really? those are your literary favorites?) off putting.

Just my opinions. It is hard to put yourself here and then take the critique.
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Old 11-12-2016, 10:56 AM
 
3,137 posts, read 2,696,014 times
Reputation: 6097
If you are introverted, as you stated, I would explain that in an online dating profile. I'm introverted also, and I think it works better often to find an introverted partner, or at least someone who is okay with dating an introvert.


Also, there are self help books dedicated to helping people with online dating, so you should read one and use whatever tips they offer, if you are still going to do online dating. It helps to learn how to weed out the wrong people first, so less time is wasted on them, and more time can be dedicated to pursuing the right person for you. I read one of these types of books 15 years ago & it helped me to meet my husband online.
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Old 11-12-2016, 12:44 PM
 
6,806 posts, read 4,890,775 times
Reputation: 8594
You need to be working on your own issues. Another person will not make you whole.

I think your best bet is to figure out how you can start associating with women at your school who are in the tech/science/math or, maybe, philosophy oriented fields. I think you would do best with women who are more introverted and analytical.

And quit "approaching" women. Get to know them over time. Even better for you would be to learn how to just be friends with women and get to know and appreciate them as people before you start looking for a partner. This would probably help you to alleviate your misconceptions about women, such as thinking they all go for the bad boys.
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Old 11-12-2016, 02:56 PM
 
Location: Fargo
151 posts, read 102,604 times
Reputation: 82
Quote:
Originally Posted by zentropa View Post
Have you seen a doctor for your chronic pain?



I doubt that! I have been on many college campuses and "most women" are not turning down guys for their studies. Here's a tip. Do not lie to yourself to make yourself feel better. You will end up like some of our male posters here who managed to get into their late 20s with zero self awareness. Self-deception is a dangerous habit.

One last question. How did you date a woman for a month, spend the night in her bed a dozen times, and still say you have only had a "first kiss"? Why did you deny her and yourself sexual intimacy?

I am sorry, but that it very outside the realm of normal behavior.
By the word "chronic" I do not mean it happens every moment, but rather persisted for years and appear once 3-4 times a week. In most cases, it is mild, but working out makes it worse.

I did not say spend the night in her bed several times, and she has some hesitation about sex because she was raped by her ex. Also, she is not that kind of a person who sleeps with someone before consider marrying them. After all, I am not looking for a relationship because of sex; this is not the main reason.



Quote:
Originally Posted by Mikala43 View Post
I don't understand the "take over my cases" either.

Until you are mentally healthy, I don't think it is a good idea to date. I agree with the working out. It will improve posture and fill you out, add a healthier, more athletic look. It will also help alleviate depression. Chronic chest pain? What does your doctor say?

You mentioned your dentist said you could not whiten your teeth? Did he say why?
Take ownership of my cases means to look at my problems as though they happened to her.

Doctors and physical therapists were not able to do anything.

It is my brother who told me about my teeth, and I cannot whiten them because of gum problems. They are not quite yellow nor are they entirely white.



Quote:
Originally Posted by Just A Guy View Post
100 people in a month. That must have been very awkward for them.

Yes, you would do much better to meet women more naturally and get to know them over time before hitting on them.

I don't think online is going to be a very good venue for you.

Doing the therapy and developing your social skills will probably be a great investment for you. If your conversational style is anything like your writing style (way too analytical and dry), you are definitely going to struggle until you fix that.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Just A Guy View Post
Unless a guy is exceptionally hot and has an outstanding personality, approaching random women is almost never going to be successful.
I suspected that these things are indeed barriers, but I have mentioned in the original post is that I have an abstract mentality since my childhood.



Quote:
Originally Posted by Liberty2011 View Post
Yep, that's why I asked. I appreciate the time the OP took to compose his post, but ultimately it is the depression, anxiety, and also he mentioned chronic pain, that will hinder his ability to form a healthy relationship.

And quite frankly, I realize the OP wanted to be as detailed as possible, but the whole post is very "all about me and what I want and what I need", and very little in the way of what he has to offer a woman. So many people fall into this trap of focusing only on what they want and can get out of a relationship. It matters just as much what you can offer to another. Why would someone want to be in a relationship with you? What positive qualities and attributes do you have and what can you add to their life? Healthy people aren't looking to date people who are a burden to them.
My depression

The answer is always going to be to work on yourself first, but so many insist on looking outside themselves rather than inward, and wonder why they're stuck. It's never everyone else, it's you.
What do women want to see in a man that approaches them? And in a relationship?



Quote:
Originally Posted by RbccL View Post
Ok, I looked at your OKC profile, very brave for you to post a link for the world to see.

However: Do not use terms like Alpha male, you do not 'look' like an alpha male, it is all in your head and should be tossed out. A poster told you she stopped reading your profile after seeing this phrase, and all you did was justify it as being a wonderful thing. It's not, women with a clue shut down when they hear that. They will tell you that here, they're not just saying that because they're 'feminazi's' we don't like catch phrases, buzzwords, and other hints from another planet that indicate you've been reading PUA or Advice from Red Pill online. Only real life experience gets you real insight.

Next: Use the picture of yourself in the camel colored coat as your main photo, much better than the one you have now which depicts a guy who could possibly be 20 or younger.

Last-- if I ever read the following in a profile, my head would be yelling 'no, no. no! move on..."
"... I am looking for a woman I could love from all of my heart...My major relationship-based goal is to find a woman to build affection with. A woman to treat like a mature, independent, and respectable human as an adult, but, still, like a lovely little girl as far as playfulness and teasing are concerned."

That's it. If you think you're ready to date, no alpha male, looking for love, or teasing little girls.

Just a good picture and interesting things you like, as a guy looking to meet a woman to go out and experience whatever Fargo has to offer.
In my last relationship, what is in italic is what happened. Can that paragraph be rephrased or should it be removed?



Quote:
Originally Posted by Pitt Chick View Post
What does that mean?
I have never heard that phrase before...



Like others have said, you need to take care of your issues before you can date.

And you need to loosen up. Hopefully, your conversation skills are not as stilted and formal as your writing skills!
Quote:
Originally Posted by fleetiebelle View Post
Right, I realize that he's trying to provide as much information as possible, and that there may be a language barrier happening, but dating should be fun and light and not read like a technical manual.
Take ownership of my cases means to look at my problems as though they happened to her.

My conversation skills are not as writing ones, but I may sometimes I have difficulties speaking, mainly because of depression.



Quote:
Originally Posted by RbccL View Post
That may be what 100 women he approached in Fargo are also thinking...with over 85% being Scandinavian/German. Our differences make us special, but while you have their attention, think of a genuine question, something interesting/funny (self-deprecating?)/humble/to say.
What are some examples of these things?



Quote:
Originally Posted by Pitt Chick View Post
And OP, the joke about Kentucky in your profile is an example of NOT funny.
I have told it to many people before, and it was funny to them. Anyways, I figured out now that it may not be a good idea to put a joke in my profile in the first place.



Quote:
Originally Posted by GravityMan View Post
Yep. And that right there strikes at the core of his problem in dating, anxiety, depression and perhaps some other negative aspects of his life.

OP...to get right to the point...you care WAY too much.

The mind is a great and obviously vital thing...but living too long or too deep inside your own head is bad, very bad. It can make it much harder to form and maintain natural, emotional connections with others...not just romantically, but also in friendships, etc. It also makes it much harder to be spontaneous and genuinely expressive while around others, which often means that conversations are awkward (instead of free-flowing) and humor is nonexistent or ineffectively delivered.

Most people just live their lives, be "in the moment" from time-to-time, try/explore new things occasionally, take fun/interesting risks occasionally, and take things in stride.
Care too much about what?



Quote:
Originally Posted by Mikala43 View Post
Read your post.

Do you see the irony in "many people say I'm stubborn" and then list why you are not?

You will change quickly for the right woman?

Then you say you are good at telling jokes right after you tell one that insults the populace of the state you live in?

I would find all the self help books (really? those are your literary favorites?) off putting.

Just my opinions. It is hard to put yourself here and then take the critique.
I have corrected all of that.



Quote:
Originally Posted by tassity22 View Post
If you are introverted, as you stated, I would explain that in an online dating profile. I'm introverted also, and I think it works better often to find an introverted partner, or at least someone who is okay with dating an introvert.


Also, there are self help books dedicated to helping people with online dating, so you should read one and use whatever tips they offer, if you are still going to do online dating. It helps to learn how to weed out the wrong people first, so less time is wasted on them, and more time can be dedicated to pursuing the right person for you. I read one of these types of books 15 years ago & it helped me to meet my husband online.
I have mentioned being an introvert now.

I have already purchased dating programs and listened to them, and I may consider doing so again because I forgot most of the ideas in them. Counseling may help I believe.



Quote:
Originally Posted by Just A Guy View Post
You need to be working on your own issues. Another person will not make you whole.

I think your best bet is to figure out how you can start associating with women at your school who are in the tech/science/math or, maybe, philosophy oriented fields. I think you would do best with women who are more introverted and analytical.

And quit "approaching" women. Get to know them over time. Even better for you would be to learn how to just be friends with women and get to know and appreciate them as people before you start looking for a partner. This would probably help you to alleviate your misconceptions about women, such as thinking they all go for the bad boys.
That’s what I have been thinking for a while.
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Old 11-12-2016, 03:15 PM
 
641 posts, read 404,595 times
Reputation: 795
Have you been tested for Aspergers?
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Old 11-12-2016, 03:16 PM
 
6,806 posts, read 4,890,775 times
Reputation: 8594
Quote:
Originally Posted by Aldaoudeyeh View Post

What do women want to see in a man that approaches them? And in a relationship?

You would do well to get out of the "approach" mindset. This works for a very small subset of guys. It is still pretty low percentage even for them.

In a relationship, most women want a guy who is kind and caring but not suffocating, confident but not arrogant, funny but also serious, passionate but not clingy, and somewhat socially adept.
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