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We've been dating for a little over 2 months now and we used to hang out all the time. And she would always tell me how much she loves hanging out with me.
But recently these past 3 weeks, she's been extremely flaky. She would either cancel on me or usually not even respond after I ask her if she wants to hang out. She would then apologize and give me an excuse.
I texted her a few weeks ago letting her know that it's frustrating when we make plans and she never follow through with them. She responds with a wall of text letting me know that she's sorry and she just need some space sometimes and she still has some trust issues from her last relationship. I understand that but it's almost been 3 weeks. We only hang out like once a week now.
I genuinly think she is still interested in me based off of her texts and how she acts around me when we do hang out. But her words don't match her actions. I really like her and I want to make this work. How should I respond? What should I tell her?
Next time you get her face-to-face, have a talk with her. Ask her if she's into the process you two have going on, because it doesn't seem like it, and ask her what's up with her. Ask her in an open way, not a stressed, emotional way. Say something like, "Let's talk about this, because I want to understand."
IDK, but it seems like if she has trust issues, she's not ready for a relationship.
We've been dating for a little over 2 months now and we used to hang out all the time. And she would always tell me how much she loves hanging out with me.
But recently these past 3 weeks, she's been extremely flaky. She would either cancel on me or usually not even respond after I ask her if she wants to hang out. She would then apologize and give me an excuse.
I texted her a few weeks ago letting her know that it's frustrating when we make plans and she never follow through with them. She responds with a wall of text letting me know that she's sorry and she just need some space sometimes and she still has some trust issues from her last relationship. I understand that but it's almost been 3 weeks. We only hang out like once a week now.
I genuinly think she is still interested in me based off of her texts and how she acts around me when we do hang out. But her words don't match her actions. I really like her and I want to make this work. How should I respond? What should I tell her?
Red flags all over the place here. Someone who tells you they have trust issues is waving a huge red flag in front of your face saying "I will soon be jerking you around."
If you've been seeing each other for two months and she's been flaky for about half that time, then it's probably just a sign that you're just not clicking. That's what dating is for--to suss each other out. If it doesn't work out, it doesn't work out.
If you've been seeing each other for two months and she's been flaky for about half that time, then it's probably just a sign that you're just not clicking. That's what dating is for--to suss each other out. If it doesn't work out, it doesn't work out.
^^^This. It takes time to discover whether or not you are compatible - that is the whole process of dating. 5 weeks in and she's flaking, now after 2 months, it's not changed. Time to move on.
I wouldn't give up this soon. For a relationship, I thought you need to go thru a high and low cycle to get a feel whats going on. If you like her, you need to give her some room to see if she comes back. If she has 2nd thoughts, want to test out other guys, whatever it is, let her do what she needs to do.
If her final decision is still you, she will come back.
This is an old thread. But for anyone else who is reading this in the present, my preliminary advice is to dump her. I'm sorry to be blunt but many people suffer gamophobia (commitment phobia). Even if they love you or want to be with you, they most likely have an underlying mental health issue or have had a very negative experience in a previous relationship. They constantly rethink the commitment and take it step-by-step. Many gamophobic people aren't even aware of it, and those that are, embrace it as a lifestyle choice calling it "freedom". Open marriages, freedom to spend (a lot of) time away from the partner and going on separate holidays, is a form of gamophobia.
I've been dating a woman who committed to spending the rest of our lives together. She always says that I belong to her. She's in her 40's. She said that she'd never leave me and that I was her priority bla bla. To be fair, she already warned me at the onset that if she suddenly goes quiet that I am to leave her alone, give her space, and wait for her to contact me. Women needing space during PMS is normal, however, after scheduling a dinner date and a romantic trip to the beach to see a sunset, she texted me a few hours before the dinner with: "I go out dinner with my friend...and then night club". When I asked about the beach tomorrow, she blocked me. Seriously, how rude and childish. Going partying is not the same as needing time alone to think. Last time she did this, she went silent for 24 hours but then sent me an apology emoji the next day. One moment she's all over me and shows me off to her family and friends. The next minute, she ignores me.
I have packed her things ready to be dropped off at her place of work.
If a person, male or female, can't make a commitment to you, then they are either not really into you or they have a mental health problem. I've been married twice to hot-and-cold women. I'd rather die alone then put up with this crap again. Right now, I feel like "****". I haven't slept in two nights wondering whether she will unblock me and send an apology emoji. If she accepts that what she's done was extremely selfish, I might reconsider our relationship, but only after rules are put in place (voluntarily) that she never do this again. However, it is more likely that she'll fob me off as being possessive and immature, in which case I'll hand her her belongings.
On this occasion, I know that my gf was abused as a child. She's had some trauma that would explain her vaginismus and gamophobia. Apart from the gamophobia, she's a great person. I actually love her. But I just don't want to be at the whim of her mental health blips. In closing, talk to your gf and explain to her what you feel and get her to get help for her condition, assuming she's a commitment phobe. Also, consider whether you want this crappy dynamic in a relationship.
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