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Old 11-17-2016, 10:20 AM
 
Location: Central IL
20,726 posts, read 16,227,648 times
Reputation: 50368

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You didn't say ONE good thing about her. (correction - I didn't read all the way to the bottom - so her good points are clearly an afterthought to you -gifts and love letters don't make up for her other behavior)

She sounds nasty and it's easy to see why she has no girlfriends - so why are you her friend, much less her boyfriend? You're allowing her to walk all over you...so yeah, I don't care how hot she is, cut her loose and find someone who at least treats you as though you're human and not her female dog.
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Old 11-17-2016, 10:38 AM
 
242 posts, read 298,578 times
Reputation: 273
My advice would be to get out. If she's already acting possessively and condescendingly towards you at such an early stage it is likely that things will get much worse.
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Old 11-17-2016, 10:45 AM
 
Location: SF Bay Area
13,520 posts, read 22,027,308 times
Reputation: 20234
Quote:
Originally Posted by Throwaway224 View Post

I could use some input on this. What are your thoughts?
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Old 11-17-2016, 10:54 AM
 
16,715 posts, read 19,321,377 times
Reputation: 41481
Quote:
Originally Posted by Throwaway224 View Post
- She looks through my phone (texts, call log, apps).

- She texted a female friend from my phone, asking whether she and I had had sex.
- She calls my female friends 'b****es' and 'hoes'.
- Whenever she has the opportunity, she makes fun of and laugh at people behind their backs
- She is sometimes demeaning towards me
- Her inappropriate jokes also contains passive-agressive threats at times: She would tell me that we'll never see each other again and when I don't answer she will claim she was joking.
- Whenever I do spend time with the afore-mentioned female friends, she asks how 'our date' went.
- She only has one real friend besides her little sister.

What are your thoughts?
Your 'girlfriend' is a classless b****.

Dump her.
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Old 11-17-2016, 11:09 AM
 
6,806 posts, read 4,882,406 times
Reputation: 8594
Why would you think this is your fault?
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Old 11-17-2016, 11:50 AM
 
9,301 posts, read 8,311,297 times
Reputation: 7328
Get out... and then get a restraining order because I sense she is going to start stalking you as well.
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Old 11-17-2016, 11:53 AM
 
Location: State of Transition
102,081 posts, read 107,088,272 times
Reputation: 115875
Quote:
Originally Posted by Just A Guy View Post
Why would you think this is your fault?
This is what I was wondering. OP, how could the way she relates to her friends, and laughs at them behind their backs, possibly be your fault? How could the language she chooses to use when talking about your friends be your fault?
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Old 11-17-2016, 12:16 PM
 
1,418 posts, read 1,264,492 times
Reputation: 539
Quote:
Originally Posted by Throwaway224 View Post
I am in a two months relationship with my girlfriend. We are both at university and we have worked at the same restaurant for about a year, been good friends for six months and dated the last two.
She left her ex-boyfriend of 4 years just a couple of weeks before we started dating. To sum up the details: In my field of education there is a majority of females, which means that I have and have always had a few very good females friends. This has always been strictly platonic and they all have boyfriends of their own. My girlfriend is insecure, admittedly has low self esteem and her mother cheated on her father when she was a child. I don't know whether or not she is aware, but I think that her present behaviour is rooted within this traumatic experience.

Her behaviour is basically driving me away. I will sum it up:

- She looks through my phone (texts, call log, apps). She 'only' did this once or twice, but I guess that doesn't make it less wrong.

- She texted a female friend from my phone, asking whether she and I had had sex.

- She calls my female friends 'b****es' and 'hoes'.

- Whenever she has the opportunity, she makes fun of and laugh at people behind their backs for any given reason. This seems to be especially prevailing when the 'victim' has had something bad/unlucky happen to them. To give you an example: She laughed at a friend of hers behind her back, because the friend was devastated that her boyfriend had just broken up with her.

- She is sometimes demeaning towards me; saying that I shouldn't bother working out, because I'm not the 'bodybuilding type of guy' and laughing at me, if I am nearing a deadline at university and hasn't finished yet instead of supporting me. Wheneever she does this and I point out that her sarcastic ways doesn't make things better, she claims she was just joking.

- Her inappropriate jokes also contains passive-agressive threats at times: She would tell me that we'll never see each other again and when I don't answer she will claim she was joking.

- Whenever I do spend time with the afore-mentioned female friends, she asks how 'our date' went.

- She only has one real friend besides her little sister. I'm starting to think that she may have pushed her friends away aswell if she behaved the same way with them.

And I'm sure there are a lot of other things that I forgot to mention, but these are the things that came to mind first and foremost.

Whenever she does these things, I get a knot in my stomach and my gut feeling/intuition is telling me that something is completely wrong. Her behaviour is driving me away and its making me want to spend less and less time with her, which I think is fueling her poor behaviour even further like a vicious circle. This has made me think that her way of acting is somehow my fault.

I feel sick and like leaving but then again, she also does a lot of good things for me: She buys me gifts, sends me love letters, invites me to meet her family etc.
Also, she was in an apparently successful four year relationship prior to this relationship. The fact that I can't even last two months makes me think that somehow I am responsible for the demise of the relationship this early on.

I could use some input on this. What are your thoughts?
i would say so, because if you are a guy, everything is your fault
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Old 11-17-2016, 01:37 PM
 
6 posts, read 6,201 times
Reputation: 19
Quote:
Originally Posted by Just A Guy View Post
Why would you think this is your fault?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth View Post
This is what I was wondering. OP, how could the way she relates to her friends, and laughs at them behind their backs, possibly be your fault? How could the language she chooses to use when talking about your friends be your fault?
Our relationship started out great. On a night out, I offered to walk her home and on the way home she kissed me for the first time. Then we started going out, to the cinema, etc. Real, genuine dating.
As I mentioned, she left her boyfriend of four years just a few (2-3) weeks before she kissed me the first time. Because of that I was very aware that I didn't violate any of her boundaries too fast. At the end one of our dates two-three weeks into the relationship, where we had been watching a movie at my place, she told me that she'd rather sleep at home, because she wanted to respect her ex-BF (by not sleeping with anyone too soon, I figured). Of course, I wanted to respect her choice and I told her that. She came to my place again a few days later (maybe 3-5 days, I don't remember clearly) and we ended up cuddling and kissing. It clearly pointed towards having sex. At one point, I stopped our interaction, as I wanted to respect what she had expressed just a days earlier (or at least what I had perceived that she had expressed). A little later she left and in a text message she said the she had felt rejected by me. Then followed an eery silence from her part for a few days. My gut feeling told me that something was completely wrong as even though I told her that I had only done it because I thought she wanted to wait, she apparently wouldn't accept it.
When we finally met again, was the night when she looked through my phone and we ended up having a fight about it, as she found a message which she both over- and misintepreted.
Since then things have gone downhill.

I know that the way she relates to friends, laughs at them, the language she chooses to use as she speaks of my friends are not my fault, but I know that they come from a place of hurt and that really you should feel pity for her, as she only does this because of her raging insecurities. Although I don't think that this justifies her behaviour in any way.

Basically feeling like it my fault originates from two places:

1) She has had earlier relationships that were much longer and apparently successful. They lasted for four years, I can't even make it past two months. In my mind this points to me being the faulty one. That I am responsible in some way.

2) She does a lot of good things for me aswell (as described in the original thread) and it makes me feel like 'the bad guy'. It makes me think that she really tries to make it work, but I am not being very co-operative as her poor behaviour pushes me further and further away.

I hope this all makes sense. English is not my native language, so I apologize for any misspelling.
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Old 11-17-2016, 01:42 PM
 
7,235 posts, read 7,009,413 times
Reputation: 12265
She sounds like a monster with a cruel streak who doesn't trust you, but you think she's nice because she gives you gifts and introduces you to her family? Is that correct?
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