Why do most of men change after marriage? (partner, clothes, personal)

[hawaiiancoconut]

Originally Posted by Simonna

Why do most of men (not all of course) change after marriage? I mean stop taking their wives on date, being lazy to help her, usually being selfish, not appreciating her, being unsatisfied,stop trying to be nice and make her happy...

Yeah, its a man's job to dictate how successful his relatioship is by 'making her happy', never the woman, LOl.

[Simonna]

Originally Posted by hawaiiancoconut

Yeah, its a man's job to dictate how successful his relatioship is by 'making her happy', never the woman, LOl.

I think women put a lot of effort to make men happy, like making a food that man likes, cleaning house and doing other housework, even beside that woman is working too and is tired after job like man too, but men rarely want to help women on doing housework, he rather watches tv or sitting on pc.And still being unhappy..

[Mikala43]

People become comfortable and make less effort. That's both men and women. This is why I am for long engagements and living together before marriage.

While I think everyone has the tendency it happens to varying degrees. I mean really, do you want to do date night hair, make-up and clothes EVERY night for when your husband comes home?!!

If you pick a good spouse, and communicate with them, they will care and do their best to make the other happy (if the other person is reasonable).

Bottom line? Leave my husband out of your bias - he can really p*** me off but he's a good guy.

[chiluvr1228]

Originally Posted by Curmudgeon

Without going into detail, one could ask the same of wives. I'm a firm believer in romancing your spouse constantly, even in just small ways if not especially in small, meaningful ways. Doing so is not a chore. It's a pleasure and my wife and I have been married for 20 years on that basis. Daily affirmations of appreciation, treasuring and loving are important.

Here's one way to do it:

SHMILY - By Laura Jeanne Allen

My grandparents were married for over half a century, and played their own special game from the time they had met each other.

The goal of their game was to write the word "shmily" in a surprise place for the other to find. They took turns leaving "shmily" around the house, and as soon as one of them discovered it, it was their turn to hide it once more. They dragged "shmily" with their fingers through the sugar and flour containers to await whoever was preparing the next meal.

They smeared it in the dew on the windows overlooking the patio where my grandma always fed us warm, homemade pudding with blue food coloring. "Shmily" was written in the steam left on the mirror after a hot shower, where it would reappear bath after bath.

At one point, my grandmother even unrolled an entire roll of toilet paper to leave "shmily" on the very last sheet. There was no end to the places "shmily" would pop up.
Little notes with "shmily" scribbled hurriedly were found on dashboards and car seats, or taped to steering wheels.

The notes were stuffed inside shoes and left under pillows. "Shmily" was written in the dust upon the mantel and traced in the ashes of the fireplace.

This mysterious word was as much a part of my grandparents' house as the furniture. It took me a long time before I was able to fully appreciate my grandparents' game.

Skepticism has kept me from believing in true love-one that is pure and enduring. However, I never doubted my grandparents' relationship. They had love down pat. It was more than their flirtatious little games; it was a way of life.

Their relationship was based on a devotion and passionate affection, which not everyone is lucky enough to experience.

Grandma and Grandpa held hands every chance they could. They stole kisses as they bumped into each other in their tiny kitchen. They finished each other's sentences and shared the daily crossword puzzle and word jumble.

My grandma whispered to me about how cute my grandpa was, how handsome and old he had grown to be. She claimed that she really knew "how to pick 'em."

Before every meal they bowed their heads and gave thanks, marveling at their blessings: a wonderful family, good fortune, and each other. But there was a dark cloud in my grandparents' life: my grandmother had breast cancer.

The disease had first appeared ten years earlier. As always, Grandpa was with here every step of the way. He comforted her in their yellow room, painted that way so that she could always be surrounded by sunshine, even when she was too sick to go outside.

Now the cancer was again attacking her body. With the help of a cane and my grandfather's steady hand, they went to church every morning. But my grandmother grew steadily weaker until, finally, she could not leave the house anymore.

For a while, Grandpa would go to church alone, praying to God to watch over his wife. Then one day, what we all dreaded finally happened. Grandma was gone.

Shmily." It was scrawled in yellow on the pink ribbons of my grandmother's funeral bouquet.

As the crowd thinned and the last mourners turned to leave, my aunts, uncles, cousins and other family members came forward and gathered around Grandma one last time.

Grandpa stepped up to my grandmother's casket and, taking a shaky breath, he began to sing to her. Through his tears and grief, the song came, a deep and throaty lullaby. Shaking with my own sorrow, I will never forget that moment. For I knew that, although I couldn't begin to fathom the depth of their love, I had been privileged to witness its unmatched beauty.

S-H-M-I-L-Y: See How Much I Love You.

Okay thanks a lot - I bawling my eyes out now; for them, for me, for the life I don't have anymore.

[Mikala43]

Originally Posted by Simonna

I think women put a lot of effort to make men happy, like making a food that man likes, cleaning house and doing other housework, even beside that woman is working too and is tired after job like man too, but men rarely want to help women on doing housework, he rather watches tv or sitting on pc.And still being unhappy..

But that is not important to a lot of men, and not a priority. Are you helping with what they do consider a priority?

This stuff works both ways.

[Simonna]

Originally Posted by Mikala43

But that is not important to a lot of men, and not a priority. Are you helping with what they do consider a priority?

This stuff works both ways.

In my opinion women put much more effort in relationship than men, mostly women do all housework, even beside that they're working too, spend more time with their kids because some men don't bother to spend their time with kids and don't want to help his wife to take care of kid. Men don't feel obligated to relationship that much as women because it's mostly women business to take care of kids, men just feel obligated to earn enough of money.And that's why women don't have enough of energy to help with their men priorities

[Rise of virtue]

Originally Posted by Simonna

I think women put a lot of effort to make men happy, like making a food that man likes, cleaning house and doing other housework, even beside that woman is working too and is tired after job like man too, but men rarely want to help women on doing housework, he rather watches tv or sitting on pc.And still being unhappy..

Really? Most men that I know do all the yard work, car maintenance, house repairs etc. Why are women settling for these lazy men who just sit around all day and do nothing around the house? Seems like thats the kind of man that some women want to be with.

[Chowhound]

Any time a person says "most" or "all" you've instantly lost people, generalizations are foolish.... "most" adults have figured that one out.

Next.

[Mikala43]

I agree that most men do not seem as chore oriented. It seems they don't see it and/or it is not a priority. It's always a case of whoever it bothers the most...... ends up doing the chore.

Also, it seems that if a house is a mess, people view the woman as being the culprit, even when both parties work. Not fair, but some things are not fair to one gender or another.

I would have a HUGE problem with lack of parenting. I never had children, BUT among all my friends the Dad is very active in parenting (including all the chores, appts, etc.).

My husband does not see a lot of stuff that needs to be done.... just. doens't. see. it. It's NOT because he views it as my responsibility.

Heck, he doesn't even understand my level of "clean" or why it matters to me.

So he certainly doesn't want to get into an argument about it. /lol So I've tried to meet him halfway and realize some of it doesn't matter (it DOES!!!!!). No one said I was good at it.

We do not marry strangers so if you have a spouse who does not house/yard work, doesn't help with children and leaves you all the errands to run.... then that has to be on the person who chose to marry them doesn't it?

[Simonna]

Originally Posted by Rise of virtue

Really? Most men that I know do all the yard work, car maintenance, house repairs etc. Why are women settling for these lazy men who just sit around all day and do nothing around the house? Seems like thats the kind of man that some women want to be with.

Not everybody has yard, some live in flats...house repairs aren't needed to be made everyday, like food for example. Women still have more work to do around the house, cleaning dust, washing clothes, making food, going to buy food and etc...