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I don't help earning the income. He does not help in running the household. Good grief we have a long way to go. Why the hell is it HER job for him to HELP with?
I used the word 'help' because the OP used the word 'help' in her post. I mean, duh, household work and supporting the household is a shared proposition.
How pray tell did you get that guarantee?
People do change. My ex and I dated 5 years, lived together almost 2 before we married. There was a lot of behavior that didn't surface until we had been married awhile. While I understand people tend to overlook or down play some behaviors early in a relationship the fact remains that people do change over time and no matter how much of an adult you marry or well you think you know a person sometimes they just are no longer the person you married.
You are right, there are no guarantees. Having done more than my fair share of house-keeping and child-rearing in previous relationships (and resenting it) it was a bit of a sore point for me and one reason (perhaps the main reason) why I once thought that I never wanted to marry or live with a man again.
When I dated my husband I was keenly observant about how he managed his life. Did he pay his bills on time? Was he in debt? Did he keep a neat house, keep up on his laundry? Are counters and table-tops clear or cluttered? You can tell a lot about a man by looking at how he keeps his car, his garage and his tools. Are things organized and put away? Those are habits that don't generally change, IMO.
I think a lot of women are guilty of doing too much, then complaining about it. Just my opinion, but it's often their own fault, and they play the martyr role. I'm not interested in that. I have a rule to never do anything that I don't want to do. That's something that I learned that from my husband and it works well for him, so I adopted it too and have never looked back.
If you live or lived where I think you do/did in NorCal, I spent my last 20 years in the state there as well.
Very impressive! How would you guess? I always find very old couples who are still holding hands very endearing :-). That's the type of relationship I'd strive for.
I've been in a bad marriage, I've been in a good marriage. I think that word that nobody likes to hear comes into play, and that word is compromising. When you are with that person you truly love unconditionally, it's not so hard. My wife does ALL the things I love, now that's important to me, so I try to give back as much as I can to keep her happy! Without having kids in the equation, it does make it simpler. You just try to give back as much of yourself to that person you truly cherish. To those bitching and whining, you just haven't experienced it yet. Maybe you are with the wrong person, and not your true soul mate. I've experienced it, but last year my wife was diagnosed with cancer, I was thrust into a role of being a caregiver. It hasn't been an easy road, I got her back to where she is right now, she has personally thanked me for getting her to this point. I told her this, this is my thank you back to YOU, for all the kindness, and caring you've given to me the past 15 years. I don't know what the future holds, I may never find this again! I'm not going to quote Alfred Lord Tennyson here, you get the picture...
Why do most of men (not all of course) change after marriage? I mean stop taking their wives on date, being lazy to help her, usually being selfish, not appreciating her, being unsatisfied,stop trying to be nice and make her happy...
Everyone changes after marriage, it's just called aging, it happens to single people as well. I disagree with your observations though. Many men and women improve as time goes on. A lot of us put effort into improving our relationships and becoming better people. Not everyone does of course.
It's taken me a few years to understand what my wife needs, I'm a slow learner... But now that I'm getting a better grasp on our relationship needs and desires, for the most part, our relationship is better then ever.
You are right, there are no guarantees. Having done more than my fair share of house-keeping and child-rearing in previous relationships (and resenting it) it was a bit of a sore point for me and one reason (perhaps the main reason) why I once thought that I never wanted to marry or live with a man again.
When I dated my husband I was keenly observant about how he managed his life. Did he pay his bills on time? Was he in debt? Did he keep a neat house, keep up on his laundry? Are counters and table-tops clear or cluttered? You can tell a lot about a man by looking at how he keeps his car, his garage and his tools. Are things organized and put away? Those are habits that don't generally change, IMO.
I think a lot of women are guilty of doing too much, then complaining about it. Just my opinion, but it's often their own fault, and they play the martyr role. I'm not interested in that. I have a rule to never do anything that I don't want to do. That's something that I learned that from my husband and it works well for him, so I adopted it too and have never looked back.
I think you are right.
I also think it often takes at least one marriage/relationship to get this especially if you were from an older generation and grew up seeing women doing all or most all the house-keeping and child-rearing. Often those women didn't work full time outside the home but when the following generations of women increasingly work outside the home as well they felt as if it were also their duty to keep up the domestic responsibilities of their predecessors as well.
Very impressive! How would you guess? I always find very old couples who are still holding hands very endearing :-). That's the type of relationship I'd strive for.
Not difficult. I looked up your posting history (I do that often before responding to people) and there were two posts in that forum in which you clearly had personal knowledge of that venue which could only come from being there, or having been.
I, too, always found older couples holding hands sweet and endearing and now my wife and I are one.
I hope you get your wish!
Last edited by Curmudgeon; 11-23-2016 at 08:09 AM..
Everybody changes whether married or single. You can't tell me you are the same person you were 10 years ago....We evolve...
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