Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
You should start off with a common ground for a conversation. Something simple and could give her the impression you're hitting on her but also it may not.
The cold, "Would you like to go out with me?" is in my opinion a death march of failure.
What salesman would sell any vacuums by knocking on the door and saying, "Would you like like to buy a vacuum?" Not many.
Tell me about that vacuum! Why should I buy that vacuum? Do you see where I am going with this? You want to intrigue her a bit. Get her thinking about you. Say hi followed by some sort of common ground.
"If this line goes any slower my milk is going to expire."
Just a few ice breakers here and there.
Perhaps you are pumping gas you can always say, "brr... I might have to go inside to buy a hot chocolate now." Make sure she hears you and that she knows you were saying it in her direction. If she laughs it's good. If she likes you she may say something back at you, "Sure, I would love a hot chocolate."
When I've tried the above suggested approach before, I've found it's virtually impossible to advance beyond friendship, and not be friend-zoned. Because of this and because "friends first" has never worked for me, I have only attempted to approach women upfront in a way that expresses interest much more in a romantic way, not in a "friend" way b/c of not wanting to relegated to the friend zone.
What do you do for you? What do you do for fun? What are your passions? What are your interests? If you say none, and only seek to get a female, there is your answer. You are boring. You want a female plug and play device to fill a gap in your life. Not attractive, interesting or maintainable. Unless you want a female blow up doll.
Well I've tried going to group events, church activities, and meet-ups, things like that, but since I don't really know anyone there to begin with, it can be incredibly hard to know what to say in the first place, to make an initial acquaintance or get to know them.
Here's the thing with events and activities. They can be great places to meet people, provided that 1) one does not go into them with the express intention of meeting a romantic partner (unless, of course, that is the express purpose of the group), and 2) it's done as more than a "fly-by".
As to 2) above, I think this is something that people often overlook. Generally speaking, groups and events are already established, so it probably will take more than a visit or two to actually be able to feel things out and start to make connections. The key here, I believe, is to find something that you are very interested in, so that you have a reason to go back- even if it is a bit slow in the "connection department". And yes, OP, I know that it's difficult, but it is something that you might want to think about.
In terms of these group events and activities, do you have the opportunity prior to the event to contact the organizer? A lot of times, people who are leading these sorts of things will have no problems at all taking you "under their wing" for a brief period, and introduce you to others. And, yes, the better you present yourself at the start, the better the results will be in the long run. That is, if someone is coming into a group with the intention of meeting eligible women/men, people are going to be able to see that from a mile away, and will probably not be as warm and welcoming as they would otherwise be.
So OP, tell us how your romantic approach works. What are you saying to them. etc....
In the past, I had tried to phrase my words very carefully, to implicitly communicate verbally that I have an interest in them, talking about typical pleasantries and small-talk and such, but also trying to add a hint of interest in getting to know them more. Kind of like preparing a verbal lead-in, into asking them out. But a lot of times I also couldn't get over the shyness, so there were also many times where I really, really wanted to ask a woman out, but simply couldn't get enough courage to go through with it. Like I mentioned in an earlier post, it's been a while since I asked a woman out IRL ever since I have stopped all OLD attempts, so now I am trying to resume the IRL method, but am still trying to find the right and proper/effective technique to do so.
Here's the thing with events and activities. They can be great places to meet people, provided that 1) one does not go into them with the express intention of meeting a romantic partner (unless, of course, that is the express purpose of the group), and 2) it's done as more than a "fly-by".
As to 2) above, I think this is something that people often overlook. Generally speaking, groups and events are already established, so it probably will take more than a visit or two to actually be able to feel things out and start to make connections. The key here, I believe, is to find something that you are very interested in, so that you have a reason to go back- even if it is a bit slow in the "connection department". And yes, OP, I know that it's difficult, but it is something that you might want to think about.
In terms of these group events and activities, do you have the opportunity prior to the event to contact the organizer? A lot of times, people who are leading these sorts of things will have no problems at all taking you "under their wing" for a brief period, and introduce you to others. And, yes, the better you present yourself at the start, the better the results will be in the long run. That is, if someone is coming into a group with the intention of meeting eligible women/men, people are going to be able to see that from a mile away, and will probably not be as warm and welcoming as they would otherwise be.
^^Totally agree with all of this. If you're genuine in your interest in whatever activity it is, then it's a natural way to start a conversation with someone you don't know. If you're taking a painting class or whatever...well, you were both just in the class, so maybe talk about that. Ha. But it's not easy to have that kind of conversation if you didn't care about what you were doing and just went looking for single people.
If you've been rejected close to 1000 times, something is definitely wrong with you. You either are not nearly as good-looking as you think you are or something about your personality is very of obnoxious.
In the past, I had tried to phrase my words very carefully, to implicitly communicate verbally that I have an interest in them, talking about typical pleasantries and small-talk and such, but also trying to add a hint of interest in getting to know them more.
So wait a minute. You are interested in them. But you need to get to know them more? Implying you don't actually know them? So how do you know you are interested in them? People want to be wanted for who they are, not just because they are a member of the opposite sex. If you cold approach someone you don't even know with romantic "interest" there are only 2 things that can be motivating that interest; looks or desperation for anything.
Quote:
Kind of like preparing a verbal lead-in, into asking them out. But a lot of times I also couldn't get over the shyness, so there were also many times where I really, really wanted to ask a woman out, but simply couldn't get enough courage to go through with it. Like I mentioned in an earlier post, it's been a while since I asked a woman out IRL ever since I have stopped all OLD attempts, so now I am trying to resume the IRL method, but am still trying to find the right and proper/effective technique to do so.
It is not about technique. It is about mindset. Every single attractive to semi-attractive woman in this country (assuming you are in the US, not sure of the cultural norms elsewhere) have been cold approached by a bazillion guys who don't know us from Adam but still want us to "go out" with them. WHY would we want to do that? Why do they even want to go out with us? They don't know us at all.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
