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I think this happens for 2 reasons. Either you have already went down the monogamy road and got burned badly, or you are so busy that you really don't have time to actually pursue a relationship. The issue I see with many people seeking relationships, and I was this person not too many years ago, is that they like the sound of "relationship", but they don't have the time or energy to make an actual "relationship" work. Sure, there's going to be people who seem like their relationship is effortless. You know how much has to go just right within that relationship for it to seem effortless? For the majority of us, it's going to take work from both sides in order to make that relationship bear fruit. I think people lose sight of that and think it will just magically work. Not at all. Grass doesn't grow and stay green without being cared for.
Or, as they claim to "want a relationship", what they're really seeking is FWB. In one case several years ago (and I met this woman IRL, not online), she just wanted a man to keep her bed warm.
I definitely think we, meaning Americans, expect way too much from a spouse. We want them to be perfect when we are far from perfect. It's not realistic to expect your husband or wife to be everything to you.
Well said and very true. Here's the thing: each person has to want to put the other ahead of themselves in a marriage. Its hard, because we're born selfish. We all need to be more giving to make a marriage work. Thats the biggest thing I've learned from my divorce, and probably too late to find "the one".
After many attempts to attract attention and get dates, I think that finding my dream girl is almost impossible . People usually make a priori assumption that I am annoying or offensive. I still have hope that I can meet a decent girl who meets all of my "must have" characteristics and some of the "nice to have" ones.
Well said and very true. Here's the thing: each person has to want to put the other ahead of themselves in a marriage. Its hard, because we're born selfish. We all need to be more giving to make a marriage work. Thats the biggest thing I've learned from my divorce, and probably too late to find "the one".
I don't know how hold you are but I met my late husband when I was 26 and he was 46. We married three years later and had two sons. So it's not over till it's over (to quote Olympia Dukakis in Moonstruck).
I don't know how hold you are but I met my late husband when I was 26 and he was 46. We married three years later and had two sons. So it's not over till it's over (to quote Olympia Dukakis in Moonstruck).
I'm 48. Divorced for 7 years and no children. I now live in what I refer to as the "dating desert" in Oklahoma. Factor in age, where I live, and how much dating has changed, and well, you can see why I've lost hope. Your late husband was a lucky guy.
I feel like I will never be able to find that"one" person who could understand me, we could share common interests, have fun together, we could share love with each other, have deep emotional connection, like we would be made for each other.. I haven't met that person I could think "wow he's the one I would like to spend my life with"
I've spent my entire life looking for "the one". After a short marriage in my 20s, the next 30 years were spent dating many women looking for "the one". At 54 years of age I eventually found her: she's the most amazing person I've ever met - kind, funny, smart, beautiful - simply perfect. She's my best friend and "gets me" better than friends I've known for 40 years. She's also happily married. The pain and heartbreak of knowing I will never be with her with is devastating. Trust me, you do not want to end up in this position.
I'm in the same boat. I've been looking for him since I was 17. Always dated with the intention to build with a person and see if there is marriage potential. I've always put effort into growing myself. While I'm not stunning by any means, but I clean up alright and take care of myself. I feel like I should be able to attract someone with some basic mutual attraction who is a good partner. I'd like to think I'm a pretty accepting person too. But nope, still can't find a basic emotional connection beyond friendship, that is sustainable. I turned 30 in June and now the reality that my dreams of getting to have a family of my own may never happen, is getting very real. Never thought I'd end up in a position where I cry myself to sleep over it, but here I am.
but I try to keep hope anyways. Don't give up on your dreams though. Dreams are the magic of life .
I'm in the same boat. I've been looking for him since I was 17. Always dated with the intention to build with a person and see if there is marriage potential. I've always put effort into growing myself. While I'm not stunning by any means, but I clean up alright and take care of myself. I feel like I should be able to attract someone with some basic mutual attraction who is a good partner. I'd like to think I'm a pretty accepting person too. But nope, still can't find a basic emotional connection beyond friendship, that is sustainable. I turned 30 in June and now the reality that my dreams of getting to have a family of my own may never happen, is getting very real. Never thought I'd end up in a position where I cry myself to sleep over it, but here I am.
but I try to keep hope anyways. Don't give up on your dreams though. Dreams are the magic of life .
I can relate to this. I've been told my whole life that I'm good looking. I'm pretty modest, so I don't let this go to my head. In fact, its quite the opposite with confidence issues stemming from childhood and trauma as an adult. But I do know I have a lot going for me as far as career, personal development, stability, emotional intelligence, sense of humor, health conscious, and an overall desire to just be a great partner for someone. In other words, I've learned from my mistakes and become a better man. I also want a family and am looking for commitment. However, it seems I only attract emotionally unstable women or women who I'm not attracted to in the least. The above average women don't pay any attention to me. Its kind of baffling. Probably comes back to confidence and not putting out the right energy, and thats a tough thing to change. Working on it though.
I can relate to this. I've been told my whole life that I'm good looking. I'm pretty modest, so I don't let this go to my head. In fact, its quite the opposite with confidence issues stemming from childhood and trauma as an adult. But I do know I have a lot going for me as far as career, personal development, stability, emotional intelligence, sense of humor, health conscious, and an overall desire to just be a great partner for someone. In other words, I've learned from my mistakes and become a better man. I also want a family and am looking for commitment. However, it seems I only attract emotionally unstable women or women who I'm not attracted to in the least. The above average women don't pay any attention to me. Its kind of baffling. Probably comes back to confidence and not putting out the right energy, and thats a tough thing to change. Working on it though.
I've seen your pictures before. You're very attractive so who knows. There is something to be said about confidence though. I believe that's the key. Most of the time I'm pretty confident myself, but I have more days lately where I feel beaten down and defeated. Trying to be confident when you feel awful is really tough. But with practice and experience, hopefully it gets easier to pull off lol.
I felt the same way you did, many times before meeting my other half. I prayed (and even cried) to meet "the one" for years before I did. My advice is (and it may sound cliche) while you are still single, work on yourself and learn about yourself, what you want in life and in a partner. Learn to not base your well being or hapiness on having a partner. Learn to feel good and be happy as a single person. You will then attract the right person, and know to not pick the wrong one.
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. People usually make a priori assumption that I am annoying or offensive. I still have hope that I can meet a decent girl who meets all of my "must have" characteristics and some of the "nice to have" ones.
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