Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I hate cheap people. When they pay for others there is a reason such as trying to impress them. They know they won't be seeing them again for quite awhile and won't be spending anymore on them. For everyday people they just don't spend.
I 100% get it. My husband is like that too. He knows I have money so he is tight fisted with his. I at some point started to think that maybe it was because he did not really care about me that much and wondered if he was with someone else he would be more generous and thoughtful. I am or at least was really generous or thougthful with my money... but have stopped.
I use to get really really really upset when he would go buy gifts to bring to his family (sister, brothers, nices and nephews) when going to visit them each year. They are not poor. They have money. He almost never does stuff like for me or our kid so it was extremly hurtful and insulting.
Not sure what to tell you in terms of what to do... but if it bugs you now it likely won't change. You might want to consider ending it.
The bolded..exactly. If you want to be a cheap ba*stard..then be that way to EVERYONE. At least I can HALFWAY understand that. These people who will do things for their family, friends, neighbor, guy who delivers the newspaper, and the guy who stands outside Kentucky Fried chicken in a chicken suit but NOT for a significant other just make me shake my head. Don't know what they are trying to prove, but its kind of a screwed up method. It's one thing if you are involved with a selfish a-hole. (but then why are you dating that person at all). But if ur significant other is a good person, I don't know why its such a problem for people to do things for each other. That attitude is selfish as he*ll. I wonder if it carries over in 'other' aspects of the relationship.
Though I get your fear, I find this hard to totally understand. So, if you have yourself a good woman, why would you NOT want to ocassionally do things for her, which might include spending money or her?
I have paid for dinner for guys I have dated. I have bought nice gifts for guys I have dated. And they have done the same for me. It's a give and take. My friends may be kool, but they aren't fulfilling a need in me that a man does. They aren't making my heart feel butterflies, holding me at night, and making me feel the kind of love that I want to feel. My man would be doing that.
Why wouldn't I be willing to do nice things for him? If he were a good man, then I might not mind buying him and a friend good seats to his favorite football team, etc. Ive had guys who did nice things for me ' just because'. Nice gifts, dinners, etc. I mean, I've never been in a relationship where nice things like that were NOT done for me. They did that because they cared for me. However, I also did that for them. Nothing wrong with that. If you are that afraid to give of yourself to someone you are supposed to care about, how would you know what kind of person they are deep down inside anyway? Meaning , if someone is going to use you for your wallet, best you find that out sooner than later.
If she is a good woman to you, and you do a couple of things for her, and you see she NEVER returns the favors, THEN you know what you have, and you can cut her loose. And if she is someone that you feel is selfish, then why be with her anyway?
I agree with the OP. Espescially when she has been the type of woman to ALWAYS put up her own share, yet her man pays for some other chick?? Yah..uh....nope. I would feel like crap also. If people are that paranoid about being 'used' stay single.
I agree with most of what you said.
I've been with my girl for three years and I often pay for her since I make twenty times as much money as she does. I don't do it always, and I just make sure she is never inconvenienced economically whenever she is with me. When I'm paying for my friends it's different mostly because we don't interact as often. If I buy dinner for my girlfriend everytime we go out however she is going to expect this treatment for the rest of our relationship. I let her pay her share some of the times so she is reminded that she needs to have a certain degree of independence to have my respect.
There is a difference between being cheap and not wanting to be used. Many men think they have to be a provider and some women expect the man always paying for everything. This attitude is incredibly disappointing because when you date with such women it feels like you are paying for their time. It's not a situation where two people can reach mutual respect and understanding.
Of course making gifts, paying for dinner when you invite your partner out and being willing to spend more money if you make more is completely reasonable. But for the person who makes more money there is still a certain degree of importance in not spoiling the other too much, to keep the relationship healthy. When it comes to friends it's different because there's simply no such pressure.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,699 posts, read 41,742,544 times
Reputation: 41381
Quote:
Originally Posted by OliviaWolf
Hello, I am speaking in the 21st century. Both men and women can earn their living, however when it comes to first dates and relationships some men offer to pay the check and others never do. Does it have to do with how interesting the woman is or is it just something with the guy?
I ask that from the bottom of my self esteem because I have been with this boyfriend for more than a year and we always (even in the first date) split the check evenly. He never paid me a romantic dinner (not even on our first anniversary), never gave me any expensive gift and he earns twice as I do.
To give him a hint that it seemed awkward to me, I paid him expensive dinners some times, but he never thought of that as a clue, never paid back and so things went on. I got used and even liked that we had a financially fair relationship.
However, some weeks ago he told me a female friend would come visit us in the city. I offered my apartment for her to stay and he surprised me saying he had offered to pay her the $ 300 plane ticket. He said she "needed" because she, poor girl, had broken up with her thousandth boyfriend in a year.
That got me thinking that he is available to pay things for women other than me, and that made me feel like crap. I even sold my car to pay my 50% part in an expensive trip he had booked for us. He knew the trip would be heavy on my budget but never offered to help and even stimulated me to sell the car (now I am on foot).
As I made it clear, I always paid my part and don't regret it, but I felt sad when I saw him available to pay treats to other ladies. This particular woman doesn't need any money. She has an ok job and is a grown-up past the stage of killing herself over some teenage love.
I made him talk about it (he paying the ticket to someone who didn't need it). He said the female friend had also helped him in the past, that I was mischievous to think evil of him and that it was all on me, the jealous insecure girlfriend.
What do you think?
What makes a man pay things for some women and not for others?
End of story: the woman gave up coming visit us after alleging "there were only couples [me] in the city" (I took this conversation to him only after she gave up coming).
I think this guy just doesn't like you. If I won't even shell out for my girlfriend, I sure as hell won't even shell out for other girls I'm not getting sex from. The fact your investing in the relationship more than he is without him even attempting to match is just proof he doesn't give a damn about you.
I would pay for a woman I really liked. If I didn't like the woman, even on the first date, I'd call for two separate checks and be done, who cares if I p$&@ her off. I ain't ever seeing her again anyway.
The bolded..exactly. If you want to be a cheap ba*stard..then be that way to EVERYONE. At least I can HALFWAY understand that. These people who will do things for their family, friends, neighbor, guy who delivers the newspaper, and the guy who stands outside Kentucky Fried chicken in a chicken suit but NOT for a significant other just make me shake my head. Don't know what they are trying to prove, but its kind of a screwed up method. It's one thing if you are involved with a selfish a-hole. (but then why are you dating that person at all). But if ur significant other is a good person, I don't know why its such a problem for people to do things for each other. That attitude is selfish as he*ll. I wonder if it carries over in 'other' aspects of the relationship.
I personally can't not stand cheapness. I am cool with being a deal hunter or trying to get the best value for something... but ex if you can't pick up the tab at least sometimes ... totally annoying. I personally use to treat people to stuff all the time... now I have stopped. Over time you get to realize that some habbits with certain people don't change regardless of how much money they have access too.
I'm from the People's Republic of Dating. If I'm dating someone who earns far less than me, I pick up pretty much everything. I'll let her pick up symbolic inexpensive things like a breakfast or an ice cream cone. If I'm dating someone more or less at my income, I prefer to alternate paying for things but I don't sweat it if I'm picking up a bit more than my fair share. I have a long time friend who has about 25x my net worth. I don't push back at all when she grabs the check at a restaurant. If the waiter hands the check to me, I'll pay it.
If I'm at all uncertain about our relative finances, I pick up the check as a matter of course.
he needs a good pms beating ..... whip his ass good!!
would he have paid for a guy friend???
guys arent that nice unless they are getting a piece on the side or investing in a piece down the road..
he should not be putting anyone in front of you ...
none of my girlfriends would have tolerated that ...i'd have got bobbited,,,,and then shot..
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Anti-Cheapness...
