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Relax. No is something I heard before, and I still hear until now. But here is how I think things actually work with women ("you" here is general, one is meant personally including the quoted persons):
Good guys approach you. "Sorry, I have a boyfriend." Not interested because respect is neediness or fear of rejection, attention is desperation in getting approval, kindness is an agenda to pursue sex, etc
Meet a jerk and override your common sense by thinking of his arrogance as confidence, neglect as self-worth, abusive language as fearlessness (from rejection by women), etc. Basically, try to find every pitiful excuse to overlook how rogue and mean those guys are
Have a relationship with him. Enjoy the first days, week, or months
Get burnt by cheating, abusive insults, neglect, irresponsibility, broken promises, etc
Resolve not to fall in love with a jerk again. They are so rogue now!
After some recovery of what you suffered, go back to dating again
As long as what is above is not repeated for like 5-15 times, adopt your inefficient filtering mechanism again and go back to Step 1
And after enough repetitions, we may say congratulations! Now you fully figured out a noteworthy fact: "all men are the same," and no longer want (or able) to date. Maybe you are now a single mother in her 40s or 50s. Men are done with you now, and they are currently burning some hotter and younger girls. Those will join you once they are as old as you are.
What does ANY of this have to do with your saying women should put out immediately or the man will "leave"?
That's what this overlooked good guy would do? Demand immediate sex or else off he goes? And if the woman refuses this good guy who demands an instant pump then the woman will suddenly be 50 and men will be "done with" her and drawing young hot women? (That last part is hilarious, BTW...nice touch..gotta throw a threat in there in a last desperate attempt to her women to put out...you're adorable!)
Yeah. So. I'm confused. Or...maybe you are. Both the jerk and the good guy in this scenario are demanding, boorish glands who will use the woman but she should exclusively let the good guy use her and not the jerk because...? Wait...in this setup, how do you even differentiate between the jerk and the good guy?
What does ANY of this have to do with your saying women should put out immediately or the man will "leave"?
That's what this overlooked good guy would do? Demand immediate sex or else off he goes? And if the woman refuses this good guy who demands an instant pump then the woman will suddenly be 50 and men will be "done with" her and drawing young hot women? (That last part is hilarious, BTW...nice touch..gotta throw a threat in there in a last desperate attempt to her women to put out...you're adorable!)
Yeah. So. I'm confused. Or...maybe you are. Both the jerk and the good guy in this scenario are demanding, boorish glands who will use the woman but she should exclusively let the good guy use her and not the jerk because...? Wait...in this setup, how do you even differentiate between the jerk and the good guy?
First, when the OP talked about their situation I misread it and thought they were meeting regularly and she still does resist intimacy. When she said "no kissing though" and when she reported that he is "looking for something deeper," I had that impressed I just talked about. Second, I had already taken what I had said that when I blamed her for what happened.
Here is what I have said:
Quote:
Originally Posted by Aldaoudeyeh
Her speech seemed to be so emotional that it implied to me they met multiple times, especially that the man said he is looking for something deeper. I will not take back what I have said unless I have really misunderstood and it was the first time they met.
But either way, playing hard to get is the most important reason women cannot attract good guys, and even after attracting some, they will probably be jerks, and this is the most important reason women get burnt.
The woman will not "suddenly be" 50 if she rejected a good guy. The post is obvious and nothing is vague about it. It talks about how women keep making the same mistake even after getting burnt many times, and once they are in their 40s or 50s the guys that used to chase her will just switch to younger girls.
Oh yes. Let's say "use her"? Are you claiming that women are objectified when they accept sex without a lot of resistance? Should women have compelling reasons to have sex or otherwise they are objectified or (you insert the word here!)?
And you still can distinguish between a good guy and a jerk. Here is how:
Once you are burnt, take a feedback out of your experience and note what were the characteristics of that jerk. Maybe you can see how you thought of his arrogance as confidence? Or maybe you noted how he does not seem to care about anyone but you? Why are you so special anyway? You think of that as something great because you are his precious now, while it is actually a big indication of an agenda. If you need to make sure that someone is respectful, you need to look at how they treat others, especially those who cannot fire back (for any reason) if he abused them. In these situations, you can tell who is real and who is fake.
You will also need to keep your options open at the beginning of knowing someone. Do not reject a guy just because he did not impress you with his surprises or just because things got a little awkward. You won't know how things may go, and you may feel more comfortable with each other. Actually, these kind of impressive things you get from the first meeting are usually not spontaneous, so watch out for them.
Oh wait . . . something important. Are you arguing that when a man approaches a woman, he should have no sexual intentions at all? Otherwise, he is a player? Sorry, just as it is not OK to call a woman (you know the word) due to her desire for sex, a man is not a player due to having sex as driving force to talk to a woman. Being attached to sex and leading on a woman to make her think that he wants true relationship is what makes a man a player. (unless she knows in advance that all the intention is to have casual sex). Afterall, if a woman has a good experience with jerks who just want to mess around and still overrides all of what she learned and trades her long-term happiness for the temporary pleasure, then the man is a mean player and the woman deserves what she suffers.
As for what have quoted (post #40), I had to post it because women keep making the same mistake over and over, which was a response to a poster who told me that I have never heard "no" growing up, so I basically think myself entitled to things I do not deserve. Quite the contrary - I have heard the word "no" very frequently before that I do not usually bother hearing it again. Not anymore.
Last edited by Aldaoudeyeh; 12-01-2016 at 02:31 AM..
1. Never tell a stranger where you live!!! You are lucky you are alive and not raped
2. Don't text nonstop before meeting in person and not over such a long time.
3. Meet at a public place for the first date and tell a friend where you are.
4. No sex immediately. You are playing house hang out/watch tv/sleep over/cuddle on the first date?? don't do that again.
5. If somebody tells you they are an addict and have an addictive personality - RUN. If he doesn't go back to booze, he'll resort to something else.
6. He talks about his ex more than a few sentences - he isn't over her. Forget him.
7. He is a Debbie Downer - look for a happier person.
This is a great list!
I would change #6 to if he/she talks about the ex (unprompted) on the first date, period.
I've learned to end first dates promptly when the ex gets brought up ....why?....because it's going to be a huge distraction for the person over time, and clearly they are not over the ex, or whatever the issues were.
Well, that was a fun little argument on my thread LOL....
Side Note: He looked at my POF profile last night (we met on OkCupid, not POF)...just had to laugh when I realized who it is. I looked at his profile and noticed in the "Intent" section...it said "not looking for a relationship or any kind of commitment" which is not at all what he led me to believe when we talked LOL.
Time to realize something: The common denominator in all these disappointments is you.
I'm not saying that to be harsh. I'm saying that to spur reflection on your part. Reading the OP, it seems as if you have a bad habit of ignoring the warning signs and barreling ahead.
Things to think about:
1) Stop trying to close the deal right away. Doing so tells the world you're desperate.
2) If someone is starting AA, blabbing about his Ex, and cynical, then this is not a promising start. Cynicism is corrosive. It affects one's outlook on everything in life.
3) It is perfectly okay to NOT be in a relationship.
Repeat #3. Tattoo that on your wrist if need be. You are better off not being in a relationship at all than having your self-esteem whittled away by the usual bunch of losers.
3) It is perfectly okay to NOT be in a relationship.
Repeat #3. Tattoo that on your wrist if need be. You are better off not being in a relationship at all than having your self-esteem whittled away by the usual bunch of losers.
True. The OP did seem to be really rushing the "dating" to push it into a relationship. This, before even getting to know the guy. Also repeat: texting does not constitute "getting to know the guy". It's only getting to know the side of him that he wants you to get to know. Or worse: getting to know a false self he's projecting in order to get with you.
I hear you about the let downs. At this point i rather have a kickass mancave to come home to with some good food and tv and a dog to lay on my lap to keep me company. I'll probably die alone like in the godfather movie with only my dog next to me.
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