Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
There your friends. I would just say something like "He must get nervous around you guys because he hardly ever drinks, it only happens with this group."
Yup in a humorous way that would work and he could at least enjoy himself without having to be on alert
Last edited by Londoncowboy30; 11-29-2016 at 10:40 AM..
Reason: Himself I forgot.
There your friends. I would just say something like "He must get nervous around you guys because he hardly ever drinks, it only happens with this group."
yeah i get that. but i know there are people who sometimes stop hanging out with certain people because their significant others are either annoying, obnoxious or they just dont like them. so i think i'm just worried my friends wouldn't come over anymore if they found him annoying. again, i don't think they do, but i just worry about that.
I think a lot depends on whether these are "friends" or friends.
From what you write they seem more like "friends", as opposed to the other where you can just say this stuff to them.
__________________ ____________________________________________
My posts as a Mod will always be in red.
Be sure to review Terms of Service: TOS
And check this out: FAQ
Moderator: Relationships Forum / Hawaii Forum / Dogs / Pets / Current Events
i live with my boyfriend and i have a small group of friends who i have over once in a while (probably only a few times a year). the friends include both guys and girls. drinking is usually involved but as i've gotten older the drinking has decreased substantially. now we just get together to hang out and have a few drinks, no one really gets drunk/hammered.
anyway, my boyfriend tends to overdo the drinking whenever they come over. and he ends up being on another level than everyone else. he's not falling over drunk or anything but he just starts slurring a little bit and will maybe say things that he wouldn't normally say. i guess he "comes out of his shell". he doesn't say anything inappropriate but he might ramble on about certain things that no one is interested in. i get super embarrassed by this. the night always ends the same way - me telling him he is too drunk compared to everyone else and him saying he doesn't understand and claims that he isn't any drunker than anyone else. i feel like he has no idea how he comes across and how everyone perceives him. all i'm asking is that he cuts back once in a while when i have people over so my friends don't think he is just always drunk.
am i being unreasonable with this? i'm super self conscious of myself and always worrying about what people think so i'm not sure if i'm just super worried about what my friends will think and i should just let it go or if i have a right to be upset?
I'm surprised your BF doesn't drink more often to be honest. You sound really difficult.......
... he's not falling over drunk or anything but he just starts slurring a little bit and will maybe say things that he wouldn't normally say. i guess he "comes out of his shell". he doesn't say anything inappropriate but he might ramble on about certain things that no one is interested in.
i get super embarrassed by this. the night always ends the same way - me telling him he is too drunk compared to everyone else and him saying he doesn't understand and claims that he isn't any drunker than anyone else.
i'm super self conscious of myself and always worrying about what people think so i'm not sure if i'm just super worried about what my friends will think and i should just let it go or if i have a right to be upset?
Quote:
... since it's so rare it's hard for me to conclude he has a drinking problem just from this. but i'm open to that as well.
It really isn't about drinking, it's about being self-conscious and seeing your boyfriend as an extension of yourself. You don't have little talks with your other friends at the end of the night and go over things they said that were out of character, do you? If one of them makes a joke you don't think is funny, you don't get all embarrassed and glare at them do you?
Let your boyfriend represent himself, you already stated that he isn't even saying anything inappropriate!
Quote:
Originally Posted by funymann
Give him a break.
I'm sure you do stupid stuff too.
Me too, or ramble on when no one may be interested. Luckily no one gets mad at me and hisses: Stop it, you're embarrassing both of us!
I've seen this before and think the person getting all uncomfortable by someone elses actions is the one with the problem...
Quote:
Originally Posted by funymann
Why are you analyzing your boyfriend so much?
It's obvious this isn't about him and drinking. It's about how others perceive you because of him. Right?
Great point!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Londoncowboy30
Yup in a humorous way that would work and he could at least enjoy himself without having to be on alert
Right?! What about him? I think his having a good time should count as much, he's the boyfriend she lives with everyday, she only sees the others 3 or 4 times a year.
(welcome back)
the night always ends the same way - me telling him he is too drunk compared to everyone else
Wow, that's insulting. And you do that in front of your friends?
Those kinds of conversations are meant for a private time, and shouldn't be brought up during the drinking. So the next day around lunch, do not pick a fight, just bring it up and ask him to please lighten up or eat beforehand or something, because it embarrasses you in front of your friends.
If I were your friend, I would stop coming over to have to listen to your harangue your boyfriend over how much he is drinking compared to everyone else. That is not cool.
Wow, that's insulting. And you do that in front of your friends?
Those kinds of conversations are meant for a private time, and shouldn't be brought up during the drinking. So the next day around lunch, do not pick a fight, just bring it up and ask him to please lighten up or eat beforehand or something, because it embarrasses you in front of your friends.
If I were your friend, I would stop coming over to have to listen to your harangue your boyfriend over how much he is drinking compared to everyone else. That is not cool.
no no no, i do it in private after everyone leaves. i wouldn't do it in front of my friends.
i simply say "i feel like you're a lot drunker than everyone else and this happens every time they come over. maybe next time you can drink less?" and he claims he's not drunk and doesn't understand what i'm talking about.
i live with my boyfriend and i have a small group of friends who i have over once in a while (probably only a few times a year). the friends include both guys and girls. drinking is usually involved but as i've gotten older the drinking has decreased substantially. now we just get together to hang out and have a few drinks, no one really gets drunk/hammered.
anyway, my boyfriend tends to overdo the drinking whenever they come over. and he ends up being on another level than everyone else. he's not falling over drunk or anything but he just starts slurring a little bit and will maybe say things that he wouldn't normally say. i guess he "comes out of his shell". he doesn't say anything inappropriate but he might ramble on about certain things that no one is interested in. i get super embarrassed by this. the night always ends the same way - me telling him he is too drunk compared to everyone else and him saying he doesn't understand and claims that he isn't any drunker than anyone else. i feel like he has no idea how he comes across and how everyone perceives him. all i'm asking is that he cuts back once in a while when i have people over so my friends don't think he is just always drunk.
am i being unreasonable with this? i'm super self conscious of myself and always worrying about what people think so i'm not sure if i'm just super worried about what my friends will think and i should just let it go or if i have a right to be upset?
If he is a good bf otherwise I would let it slide. It really is not a big deal IMO.
It really isn't about drinking, it's about being selfconscious and seeing your boyfriend as an extension of yourself. You don't have little talks with your other friends at the end of the night and go over things they said that were out of character, do you? If one of them makes a joke you don't think is funny, you don't get all embaarrassed and glare at them do you?
Let your boyfriend represent himself, you already stated that he isn't even saying anything inappropriate!
Me too, or ramble on when no one may be interested. Luckily no one gets mad at me and hisses: Stop it, you're embarrassing both of us!
I've seen this before and think the person getting all uncomfortable by someone elses actions is the one with the problem...
Great point!
Right?! What about him? I think his having a good time should count as much, he's the boyfriend she lives with everyday, she only sees the others 3 or 4 times a year.
(welcome back)
i see them much more than that. but we only host them coming over a few times a year. but i probably get together with them once a month.
i totally get your point. i dont tell him he embarrasses me though, i just said that here in my OP to express how i feel and what goes through my head.
i see them much more than that. but we only host them coming over a few times a year. but i probably get together with them once a month.
i totally get your point. i dont tell him he embarrasses me though, i just said that here in my OP to express how i feel and what goes through my head.
I've seen my sister go through this through the years with her husband, it's usually not because hes had too much too drink though. He monopolizes the conversations and knows something about everything, a 'one-upper' if you know what that is.
She says things like: "I hope he doesn't embarrass me in front of everyone tonight" or "Ill go with him to the party, but we're leaving when he gets too obnoxious." Since I know her well, I know it's more about her self consciousness than it is about him. People just find him entertaining, some times he's an ass, so what. I doubt if anyone looks at her like she's a moron because he's acting obnoxious. It's more like she's the one going home with him, he must have some redeeming qualities.
The way you're describing your bf here doesn't really sound so outrageous, try to look at him as his own person, and not let it distract you from enjoying your friends. You'll get used to it, if everything else is good then you're lucky to have found him.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
)
