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Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,962,945 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mr_Goldenfold
Tried that... pared it down... tried super concise too. Prefer in the middle as I suspect no one wants to read a novella.
Either way, none garner any interest. If you got any working examples, I'm all ears. Honestly, I'm of the opinion these days that nothing you can do as a guy is good enough.
Other people's profiles aren't going to help much, if at all. It's all about painting a picture of you and speaking to your people.
To the men that are having trouble attracting women through OLD it might not have anything to do with your profile or who you are as a person but more basic stuff like your location or your age.
I was getting so many messages that before I even read the message I would look at the man's location first and if he lived more than 30 minutes from me I wouldn't even read the message. I just thought it was a waste of time to start something with a man that realistically lived too far away from me to date.
If he lived close enough I would check out his age and again if he were too young or too old I wouldn't bother reading his message.
Sometimes it was little things that turned me off from someone's profile too. I would never talk to a man that had shirtless pictures of himself or pictures of him trying to look sexy. Most of the time the men just end up looking silly when they do this (same with women.)
I also hate the beach (salt water, sand, sharks) so if a man mentioned loving the beach in his profile I wouldn't respond to his message because he's probably going to be disappointed that I'm not a beach lover. I'm in Florida and a lot of people live for the water but I'm not one of them.
I also wouldn't respond to men that are too good looking. It's been my experience that men that are too attractive are usually players and I don't need that drama in my life.
I think most women are probably just looking for a decent looking guy in their preferred age range not too far from them to start with. Once all of those criteria are met than we are willing to move on to getting to know the guy better.
I have to wonder why people who are "embarrassed" to do online dating somehow think they are so much better than everyone else who is doing online dating.
I did not do online dating because I was desperate. I did it because I had problems meeting men in my social circle because other women would claim they liked him first, and wanted me to stay away. Or they would gossip about me to the man I was dating. I was tired of it and wanted to meet a man that they didn't know and couldn't meet.
To the men that are having trouble attracting women through OLD it might not have anything to do with your profile or who you are as a person but more basic stuff like your location or your age.
I was getting so many messages that before I even read the message I would look at the man's location first and if he lived more than 30 minutes from me I wouldn't even read the message. I just thought it was a waste of time to start something with a man that realistically lived too far away from me to date.
If he lived close enough I would check out his age and again if he were too young or too old I wouldn't bother reading his message.
Sometimes it was little things that turned me off from someone's profile too. I would never talk to a man that had shirtless pictures of himself or pictures of him trying to look sexy. Most of the time the men just end up looking silly when they do this (same with women.)
I also hate the beach (salt water, sand, sharks) so if a man mentioned loving the beach in his profile I wouldn't respond to his message because he's probably going to be disappointed that I'm not a beach lover. I'm in Florida and a lot of people live for the water but I'm not one of them.
I also wouldn't respond to men that are too good looking. It's been my experience that men that are too attractive are usually players and I don't need that drama in my life.
I think most women are probably just looking for a decent looking guy in their preferred age range not too far from them to start with. Once all of those criteria are met than we are willing to move on to getting to know the guy better.
That first bolded part isn't the typical guy experience. Not at all. Most guys I bet would not mind a decent drive for a suitable candidate. I can't drive to wherever in SE Asia the gals messaging me on my last OKC stint were from, though.
As for being "too good looking", bring something to the table and clearly state it and your options get better. Most profiles I come across are mostly checklists of negative garbage and nothing selling themselves on why they are a great catch. Instant cringe and pass. Then they wonder why they have been camped on an OD site for several years or back after a year now that they knocked out a kid for a loser that accepted them just long enough to scoot...
Well, the negative sarcastic tone that you're using here isn't likely to attract many women, for starters. That may or may not be the only thing you're missing, but it's probably one thing.
Quote:
Originally Posted by geminigirl7
For the last few weeks I've been looking at profiles of men on POF and I've seen a few men that look interesting so this evening I worked up the nerve to create my own profile but for some reason I can't seem to bring myself to complete it. I'm especially nervous about putting a picture of myself out there for the world to see. I keep thinking that someone I know is going to come across it and think I'm desperate and pathetic for looking for dates on the internet. I feel embarrassed by the whole thing really.
I know logically a lot of people date this way now and it's pretty normal but part of me feels like a loser for not being able to meet someone the old-fashioned way. It's hard though, I'm a busy single mom and I don't have a lot of time to go out.
I'm also worried that I'm not going to get very many replies or that once they see me in person they will be disappointed. If you meet someone at a bar or a grocery store you know up front what the other person really looks like. I'm not bad looking but we all look different in person.
Anyone else feel this way about online dating and did you go through with it anyway? Did anyone you know ever see your profile somewhere and call you out on it? Did you care? Did most dates go pleasantly enough? Help I'm new to dating!!
Nope. Not embarrassed all. I met my finance through an online dating service. Before her I dated some wonderful woman and not so wonderful woman with an online dating service. And no, no one called me out on finding my future wife via online.
I had a kind of lightbulb moment the other day when I got some junk email that I actually read--a newsletter from Gay Hendricks--and he suggested that some of us actually feel shame about being single and I thought Oh how silly. But it made me think and I realized that I really do feel shame about it, even though there is no earthly reason why I should since my ex left for reasons that had nothing to do with me and I've dated a lot since but never have met the right man. I just keep getting this creeping feeling that maybe there's something wrong with me that nothing is working out and that's why I'm single--I know I'm not alone in this.
So, I'd like to suggest that maybe the reason for being embarrassed about OLD isn't being seen so much as shame at being single and when you put out a profile, that's telling the world that you're single and don't want to be. I"ve hung up my profile for now and working on myself but it's not likely I'm going to meet anyone IRL around here. I really really need to move.
I don't use online dating period and I have friends set me up profiles after I went an entire year dateless. I deleted the profiles and told them to never do it again as I found them not respecting my wishes. If I want to meet a woman it will be in person not on some silly internet site.
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