27 and still a virgin. (dating, boyfriend, girlfriend, married)
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I've never had a girlfriend at 27 years old. I haven't kissed or even been on a date. I am very depressed because of this. I am 5 feet 7 inches tall and I weigh 221 pounds. I have been overweight my entire life. I have never seen my abs. I never had any female attention whatsoever all throughout school. Now at the age of 27 I am really feeling down. I have one brother who has a long term girlfriend. I also have a step brother and step sister who each have a long term boyfriend and girlfriend. I have zero experience in that regard and the worst/weirdest part about it all is nobody ever asks about it. Not that I want them to but most families would be freaking out if their son was in my position.
I think my weight just ruins the way my short 5 foot 7 inch body looks. Has anybody been in my situation and weight was your main problem? Did women/girls treat you better after losing it? What would you do in my situation? Thanks.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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I'd lose the weight. Not for the dates, but for self esteem reasons. I'm about 40# less than I was in my 20s, but I wasn't even really THAT overweight then... because I was living in Wisconsin and its all relative. Start running and hit the gym. Lay off the carbs and processed foods in general. Make it part of your daily routine. No excuses.
It's not as if you haven't seen how the process works, if your siblings are in relationships.
So ... do you know who you are? What you want your life to look like?
Most people have to work in some way for the things they want.
I wouldn't lose weight just for a goal of attracting someone if that is not who you are. For whatever reason it sounds like you have not really been active. Is that how you think you'll be for the foreseeable future? Or do you have other goals you want to accomplish?
You can do it! Yes, do it for your own happiness and well-being.
It doesn't have to be a sudden radical change; you can make gradual changes in your activity and diet, and you will see results! You don't have to give up all carbs and processed foods, but you can decrease them gradually. You don't have to exhaust yourself with exercise; start with small changes.
It worked for my son at your age. He was able to lose 90 lbs over a couple of years, making gradual changes. He had a lot more self confidence with women after the weight loss, and the confidence makes a huge difference. He is a lot happier now.
The key is to not give up, and that often trips people up if they try to make too many changes too quickly. Keep up the exercise and better food choices, even if there is a setback or slowdown, which happens to everyone.
While you would likely have better dating options if you were thinner, there are plenty of men and women who weigh as much or even more than you who have relationships. But I wouldn't use needing to lose weight as an excuse for your problems with dating.
Instead I would focus more on the stuff that you can change quickly. How well do you dress, do your clothes fit properly? How good are you at small talk and banter. Second have realistic expectations. Dating is competitive, look at the type of people your height, weight and age and look at the type of woman they are dating. That is your target. I am not Brad Pitt, I can't date Angela Jolie and neither can you, but there are women who are willing to date me and you need to find the women who will date you and not beat yourself up over the fact people who have better options take them.
You might need to address the depression issues professionally.
Do you have any male friends? Its easier to develop social skills with men because they aren't assuming that you have a sexualized agenda with them. But if you don't have the social skills to have male friends, its very difficult to have the social skills to develop connections with women. But among men its much easier to learn to banter, to joke around and lot of the other skills that allow women to feel comfortable with you. So work on being more social.
I've never had a girlfriend at 27 years old. I haven't kissed or even been on a date. I am very depressed because of this. I am 5 feet 7 inches tall and I weigh 221 pounds. I have been overweight my entire life. I have never seen my abs. I never had any female attention whatsoever all throughout school. Now at the age of 27 I am really feeling down. I have one brother who has a long term girlfriend. I also have a step brother and step sister who each have a long term boyfriend and girlfriend. I have zero experience in that regard and the worst/weirdest part about it all is nobody ever asks about it. Not that I want them to but most families would be freaking out if their son was in my position.
I think my weight just ruins the way my short 5 foot 7 inch body looks. Has anybody been in my situation and weight was your main problem? Did women/girls treat you better after losing it? What would you do in my situation? Thanks.
Well, virginity isn’t necessarily something you have to lose by a certain age, or even at all, popular culture notwithstanding. I mean the desire for sex and to have sex is natural and healthy, but not doing it by a certain age is not wrong or shameful.
As far as weight, being heavy will definitely repel or not attract a large number of women. But to be realistic and fair, many women of various ages, shapes, sizes, proclivities don’t mind a heavier guy — and many others actually prefer that. The world is huge and populated with a vast array of people who like and dislike different things. Any changes you make should be done to make you feel better or for your benefit because you are the one living with those changes and orchestrating their implementation.
Last edited by AnthonyJ34; 10-07-2019 at 11:42 AM..
Reason: Misspellings
If it makes you feel any better, I am 30, perpetually single (despite several efforts to meet and befriend women that seemed to have things in common with me), and I am fit and can see my stomach muscles (it's not a perfect 6-pack, but if I flex it I can see it).
It is not your weight that is the biggest problem. Obviously, if you drop the weight and get in better-looking shape your chances, prospects, and opportunities with women automatically go up by 400%, if you are meeting single women. Regardless of what anyone tells you looks matter a lot. However, for men, looks are not the only thing that matters a lot, and that is what has given me trouble and what [surely] has given you trouble too [in addition to the weight]. Women (especially young women) care tremendously about your hobbies, lifestyle, what your social circle is like, and how "fun" you look in general. The only hobbies I have along that "fun life" lifestyle that most women are attracted to are running and playing tennis, but other than those ALL my other hobbies are highly intellectual endeavors that are done solo with computers, OR reading books and that sort of stuff. I have always been confident, but I have always been an introvert who does love a less crazy lifestyle with the more intellectual hobbies and activities for fun. So, it's really not just about the looks and the confidence. It is also about how fun your lifestyle looks to them, and obviously about who they are.
And it is not the height either. I am 5'8" and I have had good-looking girls like me at the tennis courts, but as soon as they found out I am more about reading, videogames, and other introverted stuff, and tennis is just "something on the side to do once per week and that's it" they both lost interest. The reality is that it is really hard to find nice-looking young women who do prefer the guys that don't have the "highly active and interesting" lifestyles going on. And just having good feelings and good intentions with her doesn't make any female find you sexually attractive. The other aspects are what typically do that.
So yes, I do recommend to lose weight and get in healthier shape for yourself, but don't think that's magically going to get you a gf if your hobbies and lifestyle are still not what is found as "cool or attractive."
And most women will not take the time to know the real you and all the good things about you if you don't look like a great guy in their minds at first. Most will also see you as a friend automatically unless you awaken at least some minor sexual attraction in their senses at first.
That's just the way it is. Don't take it personally and do you. Try to meet women who are a good personality match with you and be happy single. That's what I do.
If it makes you feel any better, I am 30, perpetually single (despite several efforts to meet and befriend women that seemed to have things in common with me), and I am fit and can see my stomach muscles (it's not a perfect 6-pack, but if I flex it I can see it).
It is not your weight that is the biggest problem. Obviously, if you drop the weight and get in better-looking shape your chances, prospects, and opportunities with women automatically go up by 400%, if you are meeting single women. Regardless of what anyone tells you looks matter a lot. However, for men, looks are not the only thing that matters a lot, and that is what has given me trouble and what [surely] has given you trouble too [in addition to the weight]. Women (especially young women) care tremendously about your hobbies, lifestyle, what your social circle is like, and how "fun" you look in general. The only hobbies I have along that "fun life" lifestyle that most women are attracted to are running and playing tennis, but other than those ALL my other hobbies are highly intellectual endeavors that are done solo with computers, OR reading books and that sort of stuff. I have always been confident, but I have always been an introvert who does love a less crazy lifestyle with the more intellectual hobbies and activities for fun. So, it's really not just about the looks and the confidence. It is also about how fun your lifestyle looks to them, and obviously about who they are.
And it is not the height either. I am 5'8" and I have had good-looking girls like me at the tennis courts, but as soon as they found out I am more about reading, videogames, and other introverted stuff, and tennis is just "something on the side to do once per week and that's it" they both lost interest. The reality is that it is really hard to find nice-looking young women who do prefer the guys that don't have the "highly active and interesting" lifestyles going on. And just having good feelings and good intentions with her doesn't make any female find you sexually attractive. The other aspects are what typically do that.
So yes, I do recommend to lose weight and get in healthier shape for yourself, but don't think that's magically going to get you a gf if your hobbies and lifestyle are still not what is found as "cool or attractive."
And most women will not take the time to know the real you and all the good things about you if you don't look like a great guy in their minds at first. Most will also see you as a friend automatically unless you awaken at least some minor sexual attraction in their senses at first.
That's just the way it is. Don't take it personally and do you. Try to meet women who are a good personality match with you and be happy single. That's what I do.
Have you thought about women who might share some of your interests. I mean there are women who do book clubs, play video games and even attend stuff like com cons. Its not like there aren't any introverted women.
Your weight is just one of many reasons why you haven't had a girlfriend. Your appearance including hair, facial hair, complexion, glasses, teeth; and, the way you dress and the way you carry yourself are just a few of the superficial ways you might be judged. Your work/ lack thereof, ambitions/ lack thereof, firm handshake/ lack thereof, conversion skills/ lack thereof, and eye contact/ lack thereof can speak volumes about who you are as a man.
I hate to break it to you, but if you're watching porn, spending your free time playing video games, eating a terrible diet, drinking soda, and not working your butt off to be a better person then you will never have the confidence to meet the type of person you are attracted to UNLESS you're attracted to someone who is shorter and fat, like you are.
Ask yourself: what type of person am I attracted to? If I was her, would I find myself attractive? What can I do about meeting someone like her?
The answer is: it's all about what you're willing to do to lose weight, gain confidence, and meet that woman.
And before you say I have no idea what I'm talking about... I'm 5'7" 3/4, and I've been happily married for 20 years. I've been as high as 216lbs and as low as 172. Regardless of my sometimes heavy weight and my height, my confidence and ambition has never been questioned. Confidence, ambition, a firm handshake, and good conversation skills are things that are lacking in a whole lot of Male millennials.
So, here's where you're at: continue the status quo, continue doing the things that make you heavy, continue doing the things that make you unattractive to the opposite sex OR reinvent yourself and get what you want in life.
Here's what's for certain: complaining about your circumstances on City Data isn't going to make you happy.
Get out there and kick some a**, or live an unfulfilled life.
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