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Good suggestion, I'll give this some thought. I suppose this involves throwing some sort of party? Or organizing some event? Guess I'll have to find some ideas on possible things that can be organized.
It is actually more than that. It is about reading people and able to guess what they will like A very useful skill in all type of situation. What is fun for you does not necessary mean it is fun for other people. What they say are fun are not necessary what they really like the most.
Is it possible you are clinically depressed? Depressed people have little interest in doing stuff.
So your interests revolve around things that provide an external motivation: esteem from others. So you can get up and go to work, because your perception of society tells you that is expected of you. Plus your need to make money.
But you don't have internal motivation to do things that don't provide that esteem and the tangible reward of money.
Sounds like depression to me. I recommend you talk to a health care professional and consider counseling to build your self-esteem and some antidepressants. I didn't care about anything until I started taking Wellbutrin. Wonder drug.
I think I understand what you might be saying.
But, let's use bowling as an example. You say you will go because you do enjoy being with friends.
So you may not ever sit there and think, "I like bowling, it's fun" But, you will go as a way to socialize.
OK. But why not join a league and, to satisfy what seems to be enjoyment you DO get out of accomplishments, don't just bowl, but make it a goal to learn how to bowl well.
Sorry if I implied that out of the blue I felt the desire to change my life, but I didn't exactly say that. Again, I kept my original post as short as possible to get to the point. I didn't want to be one of those people who posts a Harry Potter series worth of text and then expects people to read it.
If you needed more information, I figured you could just ask.
To be clear, the last decade has NOT been satisfying. For years I was very bothered by my appearance. I've always hated my height and my skin has always been ****. And I'm not just talking acne, this includes permanent acne scars. I must have seen 5-6 dermatologists and there's just nothing that can be done to help these scars.
Anyway, it took several years, but a couple years ago I finally got over it. I made the commitment to improve my appearance as best I can. I hit the gym and have put on some muscle, I taught myself how to dress nicely, and I've been able to clear my acne without prescription drugs.
Now I want to make the commitment to improve my personal life or whatever you want to call it - dating life, love life, whatever. Sorry if you can't comprehend why I'm trying to do this now. I don't think there is anything to comprehend. The past is the past, and all I can do is try to do better today and to try and do better this coming year.
That doesn't sound strange or shocking to me.
Haha. Wow, someone I actually get.
I didn't really start dating until 28. I mean, I had gone out with a couple guys, and even had a boyfriend when I was younger, not a real actual adult relationship until I 'started' dating a couple years ago. I sort of went about it the same way. I was sick of being alone, and just kind of dove in the dating pool - haha. I guess it's probably easier for girls, getting dates, anyway. It makes me think of that scene in 'Monster', where she goes in for an interview, and the prick is like, (I had to look this up, because I couldn't remember exactly) "When the beach party is over, you don't get to say, "You know what? Now I think I'd like to have what everybody else has worked their entire life for." It doesn't work that way." And she's like "**** you, man. Yeah, **** YOU! YOU DON'T ****IN' KNOW ME!" It's sort of the same thing. You don't know what anyone else has gone through, whether personally, physically, mentally, etc. It was actually an accomplishment for me to even go on a date, and actually have a relationship. Some people have to do a lot of work on themselves, which most people, that are more social, and have had more experience, don't understand. Why should anyone be alone, or be denied happiness, just because they didn't put years into dating like most people did? Guess what, those people are probably more messed up than people like him, from all the baggage, and a lot of people just end up with someone because they're tired of being alone, tired of looking. It doesn't mean they're "better", or more "desirable" because they have more years of practice/experience. There are pros and cons to most things, and inexperience is not all bad, at least you don't have the hurt and baggage that a lot of people do...even me, after just a couple years of dating. :/
As I described in the original post, I value spending time with people. The actual thing we're doing in that time frame doesn't matter too much to me. In the original post I talked about spending time with my friends. We did "fun" things, but the rewarding part was spending time with them. We didn't sit around staring at each other.
I'm sort of the same way. I tend to prefer more meaningful things. I like just talking, getting to know someone, or having meaningful conversations or discussions, debates, etc. I tend to like doing things with others that I already enjoy, like biking, walking, hiking...getting coffee, etc. I don't really like 'doing' things where you just sit next to each other, like watching a movie or playing video games, where you don't really interact, or get to know each other. It's more about the "experience" for me, doing something we both (hopefully) enjoy.
I think I understand what you might be saying.
But, let's use bowling as an example. You say you will go because you do enjoy being with friends.
So you may not ever sit there and think, "I like bowling, it's fun" But, you will go as a way to socialize.
OK. But why not join a league and, to satisfy what seems to be enjoyment you DO get out of accomplishments, don't just bowl, but make it a goal to learn how to bowl well.
Right. There are people who do things because they are really obsessed with the activity and are competitive at it. Then there are people who do activities because it's a good way to meet people and socialize.
The OP says he likes cooking and it's not social. Sure it's social. You can take classes and there are usually lots of women who like to take cooking classes. They might not all be the OP's age, but they could have daughters or nieces that could be his age. I know one of the big grocery chains in my area offers cooking classes at the bigger stores and they fill up quickly. I've always managed to know young guys who did ballroom/salsa dancing as well, which tends to skew heavily female.
I know some people who want to have meaningful conversations a lot of the time and it can be a little --- intense? Sometimes you don't always want to have the meaningful conversation. I hate small talk as much as the next person, but I don't need to have the intense conversations all the time either.
^^Oh, really? Well maybe I'm intense...haha. No, I'm fun too - but I'm sort of philosophical. I don't necessarily mean those kinds of conversations, but at least getting to know someone, what interests them, and why, why did they choose this major, that job, etc...I tend to want to know everything about someone, haha. I know girls tend to be deeper like that...it just seems like guys just want to skim the surface, keep things "light" and "fun" - but maybe that's just with me...
Cooking is fun too, because you can talk and interact while you do, and can have them over and cook for them, then they will want to have you over and cook for you too... Plus if you're into a certain kind of food or something, you can take a class in that, and then impress them with your skills. Like, I'm vegetarian, and there are veg. meet up groups...I also like Indian food, and there was an Indian cooking class that I wanted to try...the co-op has classes/events like that, since you seem to be into health, you could try that...look in the paper for events and such, here they play old movies for free sometimes.
Also, a dance class would be good. You could learn something which most girls like to do, and would impress them and come in handy, and there would also be girls there, that you could dance with, and interact with.
I think I understand what you might be saying.
But, let's use bowling as an example. You say you will go because you do enjoy being with friends.
So you may not ever sit there and think, "I like bowling, it's fun" But, you will go as a way to socialize.
OK. But why not join a league and, to satisfy what seems to be enjoyment you DO get out of accomplishments, don't just bowl, but make it a goal to learn how to bowl well.
That's basically it, but I've always had trouble thinking of an activity that appeals to me. Using the example of bowling, the main reason I wouldn't do this is that I just have no desire to be good at bowling. But yes on the whole I'd say activities are more appealing if I can see what important things I get out of them, important things like career goals/skills, relationships, etc. Seeing that value seems to be the tricky part, at least for me.
I didn't really start dating until 28. I mean, I had gone out with a couple guys, and even had a boyfriend when I was younger, not a real actual adult relationship until I 'started' dating a couple years ago. I sort of went about it the same way. I was sick of being alone, and just kind of dove in the dating pool - haha. I guess it's probably easier for girls, getting dates, anyway. It makes me think of that scene in 'Monster', where she goes in for an interview, and the prick is like, (I had to look this up, because I couldn't remember exactly) "When the beach party is over, you don't get to say, "You know what? Now I think I'd like to have what everybody else has worked their entire life for." It doesn't work that way." And she's like "**** you, man. Yeah, **** YOU! YOU DON'T ****IN' KNOW ME!" It's sort of the same thing. You don't know what anyone else has gone through, whether personally, physically, mentally, etc. It was actually an accomplishment for me to even go on a date, and actually have a relationship. Some people have to do a lot of work on themselves, which most people, that are more social, and have had more experience, don't understand. Why should anyone be alone, or be denied happiness, just because they didn't put years into dating like most people did? Guess what, those people are probably more messed up than people like him, from all the baggage, and a lot of people just end up with someone because they're tired of being alone, tired of looking. It doesn't mean they're "better", or more "desirable" because they have more years of practice/experience. There are pros and cons to most things, and inexperience is not all bad, at least you don't have the hurt and baggage that a lot of people do...even me, after just a couple years of dating. :/
And that's if you accept the premise that experience matters. I sort of don't. I've seen all types of people find significant others (even if they didn't end in marriage, they still managed to find someone to agree to be their boyfriend/girlfriend) - very odd people, annoying/immature people, unattractive people, dumb people, introverted people, shy people, etc. So I more so hold the opinion that 'getting' a SO is the easy part. With so many men and women out there there's definitely a right person for you - the hard part is finding them.
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A very useful skill in all type of situation. What is fun for you does not necessary mean it is fun for other people. What they say are fun are not necessary what they really like the most.
No, I'm fun too - but I'm sort of philosophical. I don't necessarily mean those kinds of conversations, but at least getting to know someone, what interests them, and why, why did they choose this major, that job, etc...I tend to want to know everything about someone, haha. I know girls tend to be deeper like that...it just seems like guys just want to skim the surface, keep things "light" and "fun" - but maybe that's just with me...
