Having difuclty resolving feelings/comprehending game players (dating, boyfriend, women)

[loct99]

Why I feel this way?
I made a thread about a woman I had been seeing for two months. She had been aggressively pursuing me and pushing towards a relationship. Sending love notes, wanting to be exclusive, etc. spending a bunch of money on us, offering to clean my place. I was almost convinced to like her with how great she was acting.

She started to say immediately during sex, that sex doesnt work for us. Then as soon as i said, just a bit nervous and find you very attractive. She goes, well lets wait a few months. Then did it again immediatley the next time.

Looking back on it, i think she just didnt want to have sex with me. But, she was manipulating me as to why.


I gave her alot of benefit of the doubt here, because i dont understand the end game. What did she really gain?

Another Example

This is actually the 2nd time , this had happened to me in the past two years. The other time, I had been seeing this other woman, irreguarly over 4 months. At first , i wasnt stressing, but then she started to ramp up the sweet talk and the signs of affection that it lded me to being frustrated .

I pretty much said, that i liked her and wanted to see her more regaurly. It hasnt occured naturally yet, so i get the vibe that you may not feel the same, no big deal, but its been four months and this is how i feel.

She responded back that she was going thru a really hard time in her life and had been focusing on getting back to feeling good, but if i really wanted to hang out more, she would as she thought things were going well and liked me too.

I gave her space. And she proceeded to ramp up the sweet talk even further. She would respond back with these really long, extremely well written text declaring her excitment about us. Honestly, I am still impressed by these text. they were like pages long and extremely well written lol

Anyways, chick had a boyfriend.

An example I understand

I went out with this woman 12 years older than I am. She is the most conventionally attractive woman that I had ever gone out with, meaning fake everything. She blew me up with affectionate text, sexy pics, was all over me WHEN we hung out. She was texting me all day, every day.

She would make 0 time to hang out. I would call her out on this all the time, unlike the other two women i didnt feel a sense of guilt/pity to be understanding when that the other two caused with saying **** like depression, or all the **** about her "abusive" ex.

She would immediately re-enact king joffrey's scene from GoT. The fact that someone she liked so much, would say such things was so hurtful to her.

I took the situation for what it was. sometimes i responded, sometimes i didnt. At the end of the day, it was just an extremely hot woman, sending me nudes and all over me when we hung out. I could live with that.

She persisted off and on for over a year. Honestly, it would still likely be persisting if i hadnt run into the 2nd story. The 2nd story, made me want to cut all people like that out of my life for good. I have never met people like this before, and did not like it one bit.

Question/Feelings/Issue

The last woman, I understand. She was just an older woman that liked getting attention from a younger in shape man( i do fitness comps). I get that alot actually, i just allowed the situation with her to continue because i was ok with it. She was the most charismatic woman that I had ever met and she was beautiful. I didnt need/want more.


The other two women. I have struggled resolving the situations. the one with the fake depression, i guess you could argue that i was dumb and led myself on. But, part of that is that i do not see what a woman starting a relationship with another man, facebook official and all. gains by trying to convince me into pursuing a relatiionship and wanting a relationship with her. I wasnt blowing her up with attention or complements, so i dont understand it at all.

The first woman, it makes absolutely 0 sense to do all that work, spend all that time, all that money and then act that way. I dont even see how you can get validation/confidence boost out of it, when you were the one pursuing so hard.

I guess i have issues here because part of me feels "wow, what ****ty people". part of me feels stupid for letting it happen. part of me feels like i was persuaded into relationship just to be told that im not get enough, so thats kind of how i feel. and part of me wonders if it was me that ****ed it up as they all guilt bombed me at the end

[Frihed89]

No, they have issues.

[Summer_Rain]

It looks to me like your "picker" is a bit off.

[Luck-67]

Originally Posted by loct99

Why I feel this way?
She had been aggressively pursuing me

For the future, a woman "aggressively" pursuing you right out of the gate is a red flag....you know this now.

She started to say immediately during sex, that sex doesnt work for us. Then as soon as i said, just a bit nervous and find you very attractive. She goes, well lets wait a few months.

During sex? Bam! Instant deflation. Get outta there and she can wait forever....


I gave her alot of benefit of the doubt here, because i dont understand the end game.

It's OK to give someone the benefit of the doubt, however unfortunately when it comes to dating...you have to reel it back quite a bit. Wait for "proof"....

Another Example



I pretty much said, that i liked her and wanted to see her more regaurly.

Avoid telling them you "like" them. Let her tell you.

She responded back that she was going thru a really hard time in her life

Sounds like a friend zone statement to me.

I gave her space. And she proceeded to ramp up the sweet talk even further. She would respond back with these really long, extremely well written text declaring her excitment about us. Honestly, I am still impressed by these text. they were like pages long and extremely well written lol

Save them for future entertainment. Seriously.



Anyways, chick had a boyfriend.

Not surprising.....the term "emotional tampon" gets tossed around on this forum. This might have been you in this case (?)

An example I understand

I went out with this woman 12 years older than I am. She is the most conventionally attractive woman that I had ever gone out with, meaning fake everything. She blew me up with affectionate text, sexy pics, was all over me WHEN we hung out. She was texting me all day, every day.

My narcissist radar is warming up.



Question/Feelings/Issue

The last woman, I understand. She was just an older woman that liked getting attention from a younger in shape man( i do fitness comps). I get that alot actually, i just allowed the situation with her to continue because i was ok with it. She was the most charismatic woman that I had ever met and she was beautiful. I didnt need/want more.

Correct. If you're OK with it....get used to it. You'll end up getting tired of this stuff eventually though.


The other two women. I have struggled resolving the situations. the one with the fake depression, i guess you could argue that i was dumb and led myself on.

No. She led you on initially

But, part of that is that i do not see what a woman starting a relationship with another man, facebook official and all. gains by trying to convince me into pursuing a relatiionship and wanting a relationship with her. I wasnt blowing her up with attention or complements, so i dont understand it at all.

Probably a combo of needing too much attention and/or the emo tampon theory. If its too good to be true it probably ________. (Fill in the blank)

The first woman, it makes absolutely 0 sense to do all that work, spend all that time, all that money and then act that way. I dont even see how you can get validation/confidence boost out of it, when you were the one pursuing so hard.

Same thing....pay attention to patterns. She blew you up with initial stuff ....too good to be true most likely.



I guess i have issues here because part of me feels

You absolutely do not have issues, in regards to how you're explaining the situations in your post.

In short.....don't waste too much energy trying to analyze of figure them out. All of the experiences you have had there, are certainly very common feelings and most of us (men) have encountered these types of gals in some variation at some point in life.

The take away is: Learn to "play" the players.....hold back on the initial trust until they validate themselves a little bit more (to you) first, and hold back on all the communication-texting etc, a bit.... until they do. Yes......this can apply for women figuring out men as well (for the gender police :-) ).

JMO....

[funymann]

^^^^ I like these responses ^^^^

[loct99]

Originally Posted by Luck-67

In short.....don't waste too much energy trying to analyze of figure them out. All of the experiences you have had there, are certainly very common feelings and most of us (men) have encountered these types of gals in some variation at some point in life.

The take away is: Learn to "play" the players.....hold back on the initial trust until they validate themselves a little bit more (to you) first, and hold back on all the communication-texting etc, a bit.... until they do. Yes......this can apply for women figuring out men as well (for the gender police :-) ).

JMO....

i do hold back ....a ton. the situations just progress far enough, that i do start trusting and opening up.


i guess it bothers me that they totally seem to flip a switch and seemingly treat me like they have 0 respect. and their ex'es were like mid 40 year old club promoters/dealers. adn they respected them

[D217]

Wait... Are you a man or are these same-sex relationships?

I ask bc you sound extremely passive, as though you're at the mercy of these women, just letting things happen to you rather than taking any initiative or responsibility here- ( as women generally expect men to do... )