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Typically I wouldn't deal with this. But I've only been in love with one other women and that was 7 years ago and that was my first love. I haven't felt this for someone in a very long time.
I know you like her, and she was honest with you, but the above is pretty bad.
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The saying, "love is blind" comes to mind here. OP, I feel bad for you, because I think you want this to work so bad with this woman, that you're willing to sit through a lot of bad times to get to the good times. Sadly, I think the "bad times" are here to stay for a while. Not because I think her life is all that terrible, I just think this woman doesn't want you to fit in her life. Maybe she thinks you treat her too well, which is why she continues to hold you at arms length?
My personal opinion. I think it's time for you to reevaluate the effort you're putting in, compared to what you're getting back in return. You and her are definitely grown adults and can make adult decisions; however, she's willing to discard you for an ex-boyfriend. She's telling you that she's unwilling to get to know or really introduce anyone new into her life. Hence why she's confident enough to tell you that an old boyfriend has been sniffing around lately. I'd say cut your losses and look after yourself for a little bit. I don't think this woman has any intentions of doing anything malicious to you emotionally, but she's unwilling to accommodate you in her life.
Sure, you could continue to hang around, but you're essentially betting on the come up and that's a really bad idea for someone who's sure of themselves. This situation isn't your typical drama of fighting, but it is drama of one person fully invested while the other person isn't invested at all. She's invested just enough to keep you hanging on, but that's not near enough to sustain even dating, never mind an actual relationship.
Not even an ex-husband...
"They only dated for a 2-3 months and the guy asked her to marry him. She wasn't ready so she broke it off. That was a little more than a year ago"
Wow, I totally misunderstood, this is even worse! I can almost understand if she were thinking about reconnecting with the father of her children but the fact that she's thinking about getting back with some random guy that she briefly dated because she's tired shows that she doesn't care about you the way you do her.
She obviously has feelings for David that she's not being honest about or else she's just a real weak person in general. Life is hard but taking up with some man that she supposedly doesn't even love because she's overwhelmed with housework and kids shows a real lack of character to me.
She's also playing head games with you, OP so I would think really hard if this woman is worth the trouble. It sounds like you both need some space to sort things out. She might be a great person but her life is unmanageable right now and she needs to work that out on her own.
It's done. I've done and said everything I possibly could.
I asked her why she was doing this. I told her just because she had been mistreated all her life(previous marriage) that she didn't have to put up with it now. She would never have to worry about that with me. Just because her boys like this guy doesn't mean they can't like or take to someone else. You can find someone that would make you and your boys both happy.
I asked her did she all of sudden become happy with David because I knew she wasn't in the beginning. All these questions and her response was "I don't have an answer 'My Name', I don't have an answer to any of it. If it was just me, it would be so different. You're having a hard time because you know I felt something too. I'm hurting too"
This same David passed by her house one night and saw my truck in the driveway. The next day he goes into her workplace, blows her out and calls her a *****. This guy gets to be with her boys and I never got the chance to even meet them.
I told her she was making a big mistake and I know she knows it. I told her she was going to end up hurting her boys more if she got down the road and found out she could never be happy with him.
She was so into me in the beginning and even said she thought she was falling for me. She actually had turned me off a bit but I ended up falling for her instead I guess.
It's done. I've done and said everything I possibly could.
I asked her why she was doing this. I told her just because she had been mistreated all her life(previous marriage) that she didn't have to put up with it now. She would never have to worry about that with me. Just because her boys like this guy doesn't mean they can't like or take to someone else. You can find someone that would make you and your boys both happy.
I asked her did she all of sudden become happy with David because I knew she wasn't in the beginning. All these questions and her response was "I don't have an answer 'My Name', I don't have an answer to any of it. If it was just me, it would be so different. You're having a hard time because you know I felt something too. I'm hurting too"
This same David passed by her house one night and saw my truck in the driveway. The next day he goes into her workplace, blows her out and calls her a *****. This guy gets to be with her boys and I never got the chance to even meet them.
I told her she was making a big mistake and I know she knows it. I told her she was going to end up hurting her boys more if she got down the road and found out she could never be happy with him.
She was so into me in the beginning and even said she thought she was falling for me. She actually had turned me off a bit but I ended up falling for her instead I guess.
I guess life doesn't make sense nor is it fair.
Sadly, I think you were behind from the get go. I think the first time she told you that it wasn't going to work, you should have taken the bait and left it alone. However, love is blind, and you found yourself falling for her. I can't lie, there was a moment where I retracted my statement, because it seemed like she was putting in effort. Then, your next update was that she was getting cold feet again. You can't have a steady dating scenario or relationship when you feel as if you're always on shaky ground.
I think she wanted you, but she doesn't know how to be with you. She has a trend of picking the wrong guys, because the wrong guys work for her. In order to change and try something different, you have to be willing to throw caution to the wind. The moment she tried throwing caution to the wind, she told you that she was being too adventurous. I'm not saying either of you were too good or bad for each other, but you will have to learn to take steps back with women that have cold feet going forward. You got really invested with a woman that kept going hot and cold with you. The moment the water starts getting cold, you have to start letting her initiate. If she's not initiating than she's not interested and you end up with your answer. You kept initiating and since she did like your company, she kept you around, but with no real intentions of it going anywhere. She told you that the night before Christmas, so you spent the next 2 months trying to persuade her, but sadly her mind was made up way back in December. There was nothing you could do to change her mind either. When people have made up their mind, it's best to just leave them alone.
Well since her mom's boyfriend is a pos she is having to take off work and help her mom until she can get around on her own.
To go into more detail, this David character was in her driveway one day when she got home about a month ago and pretty much gave her an ultimatum to marry him. I guess since he knew she hadn't found anyone else. Well we had went fishing and then out to eat one night and she told me all about it. That even though he was great with her kids she wasn't happy with him and she told me she wasn't going to marry him.
So, she let him around the kids after knowing him 2 -3 months? Meanwhile you are jumping through hoops and she is stringing you along.
Move on, OP. Old girl is using you (Valentine's gift? Uh huh. Did she get you anything?).
Quote:
Originally Posted by geminigirl7
Wow, I totally misunderstood, this is even worse! I can almost understand if she were thinking about reconnecting with the father of her children but the fact that she's thinking about getting back with some random guy that she briefly dated because she's tired shows that she doesn't care about you the way you do her.
She obviously has feelings for David that she's not being honest about or else she's just a real weak person in general. Life is hard but taking up with some man that she supposedly doesn't even love because she's overwhelmed with housework and kids shows a real lack of character to me.
She's also playing head games with you, OP so I would think really hard if this woman is worth the trouble. It sounds like you both need some space to sort things out. She might be a great person but her life is unmanageable right now and she needs to work that out on her own.
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