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Old 12-23-2016, 07:42 PM
 
Location: 🇬🇧 In jolly old London! 🇬🇧
15,675 posts, read 11,462,234 times
Reputation: 12547

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Atlguy39 View Post
Thanks. I do know that typically in a woman's eyes its more about personality than looks. Thats a major weakness for me. Some of my new friends may not agree with that because I've worked hard to be more outgoing (what everyone seems to want in the U.S.) and positive. But I'm still not very assertive or confident (another key with women) enough. That said, I am sort of dating a couple of attractive women (ie: my type), so its going better. However, I over analyze every single thing and usually take innocent comments (via texts) negatively. Not sure why I do this. I continue to pursue them, so I'm working through it, but dating is soooo stressful for me. I just can't relax enough, which makes them uncomfortable on dates, and I'm accused of being "hard to read". It just takes time to get to know me, time which women don't care to invest these days. Anyway, despite my divorce, I do still want to be married, just to the right woman of course. I really long for that. I mean after all, humans weren't created to go through life alone, and I feel very alone.

Sorry your year is ending badly. I'll make a toast to both of us on my NYE cruise for a happy 2017.
The one thing that springs to mind with the reacting to the innocent texts and possibly a few other slight things is because quite simply you are over analysing it mate LOL and once you've shredded it down into little pieces you've got yourself all worried, worked up and convinced yourself that things wiil/are going to go wrong. If you see what I'm getting at?.

It might be because you've had a few bad moments in the past and maybe that's why it's clouding your judgment perhaps but you know what the say about thinking of the past can f up your future mate

But yes I'll be out no doubt for NYE as well
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Old 12-23-2016, 08:07 PM
 
Location: Oklahoma City, OK
5,353 posts, read 5,771,382 times
Reputation: 6561
Quote:
Originally Posted by Londoncowboy30 View Post
The one thing that springs to mind with the reacting to the innocent texts and possibly a few other slight things is because quite simply you are over analysing it mate LOL and once you've shredded it down into little pieces you've got yourself all worried, worked up and convinced yourself that things wiil/are going to go wrong. If you see what I'm getting at?.

It might be because you've had a few bad moments in the past and maybe that's why it's clouding your judgment perhaps but you know what the say about thinking of the past can f up your future mate

But yes I'll be out no doubt for NYE as well
Yes, I said that. Definitely right about the bad moments clouding my judgment. Easy to say "just put those out of your mind, mate", but in reality hard to do.
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Old 12-23-2016, 08:23 PM
 
Location: 🇬🇧 In jolly old London! 🇬🇧
15,675 posts, read 11,462,234 times
Reputation: 12547
Quote:
Originally Posted by Atlguy39 View Post
Yes, I said that. Definitely right about the bad moments clouding my judgment. Easy to say "just put those out of your mind, mate", but in reality hard to do.
You asked why " take innocent texts negatively " and I was agreeing that it's because you over analyse it thats doing it to you

And I didn't actually say to put bad experiences out of your mind if you read carefully mate but it's wise in my opinion to be mindful that naturally not having an open mind and certainly realising that whoever you're dating is an individual and thinking it would go the same way as others have would only harm your chances.

It sounds obvious I KNOW but when something's close to you and you're having problems with it then a fresh pair of eyes can offer a different insight and notice something I might not have even if it's the blatantly obvious.

Honestly I'm just trying to offer an insight from the outside mate with no judgement at all
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Old 12-23-2016, 08:31 PM
 
Location: Oklahoma City, OK
5,353 posts, read 5,771,382 times
Reputation: 6561
Quote:
Originally Posted by Londoncowboy30 View Post
You asked why " take innocent texts negatively " and I was agreeing that it's because you over analyse it thats doing it to you

And I didn't actually say to put bad experiences out of your mind if you read carefully mate but it's wise in my opinion to be mindful that naturally not having an open mind and certainly realising that whoever you're dating is an individual and thinking it would go the same way as others have would only harm your chances.

It sounds obvious I KNOW but when something's close to you and you're having problems with it then a fresh pair of eyes can offer a different insight and notice something I might not have even if it's the blatantly obvious.

Honestly I'm just trying to offer an insight from the outside mate with no judgement at all
I know you were trying to help. I just get frustrated with myself and it comes out wrong on here. Maybe the OP can take back over this thread now. I'm not trying to hijack it, just offering my perspective.
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Old 12-23-2016, 08:35 PM
 
Location: 🇬🇧 In jolly old London! 🇬🇧
15,675 posts, read 11,462,234 times
Reputation: 12547
Quote:
Originally Posted by Atlguy39 View Post
I know you were trying to help. I just get frustrated with myself and it comes out wrong on here. Maybe the OP can take back over this thread now. I'm not trying to hijack it, just offering my perspective.
No you're fine mate and it's my fault for carrying on with the posts.

My apologies OP
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Old 12-23-2016, 10:41 PM
 
Location: SW MO
23,593 posts, read 37,333,939 times
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Not unreasonable. Just didn't want what I had in the past. In fact, I wanted the polar opposite. Knowing what I didn't want sure simplified things.
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Old 12-23-2016, 10:47 PM
 
Location: California
352 posts, read 233,107 times
Reputation: 320
Quote:
Originally Posted by marketa View Post
Ever since I got divorced I found myself looking for perfection. I quickly notice the imperfections in all the guys I've met so far, and although I know I am not perfect myself and I am most likely jeopardizing this whole thing I can't stop. Has anyone felt like that? How do you stop being so F picky?
I think it's pretty normal to have every little detail about someone else on your radar after a divorce. I know it was that way for me for awhile. I would say, stop looking for awhile, make sure you're truly over whatever the circumstances of the divorce were.

Might take years...if ever. Just don't settle, nor punish anyone else in the process.

The Marley quote sums it up well....
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Old 12-23-2016, 11:31 PM
 
4,868 posts, read 8,390,795 times
Reputation: 3161
Quote:
Originally Posted by Stagemomma View Post
You don't say how long you've been divorced, nor do you really define 'picky'.

I've been divorced 10 years, and heck, yeah, I'm picky, and not apologizing to anyone for that.

I've tried to be more patient, more open minded, more accepting, look outside my 'type', whatever, and what I find is that the harder I have to work to accept a guy for who he is, the more likely I am to forget him in his absence. As in, I just can't get him to stick in my mind. As in If he didn't call for a few weeks, I might not notice. I don't think that's me being picky. It's just me not being into him.

That said, in 10 years not one guy has come even CLOSE.
I'm not divorced..but I've had a few long term relationships. My last was dysfunctional and emotionally abusive so I have the mentality of someone who's divorced and that is exactly how I date now. The few that have stuck in my mind since him ended up not wanting me and it didn't go anywhere. I have a hard time connecting with a lot of men now. I think I'm broken lol.
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Old 12-24-2016, 04:37 PM
 
229 posts, read 460,799 times
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Been divorced for 1.5 years now, and yes, I am over it. I wonder if I'll ever be able to fall in love again or if I'll just be suspicious of everyone who comes my way...
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Old 12-24-2016, 04:42 PM
 
Location: 🇬🇧 In jolly old London! 🇬🇧
15,675 posts, read 11,462,234 times
Reputation: 12547
Quote:
Originally Posted by marketa View Post
Been divorced for 1.5 years now, and yes, I am over it. I wonder if I'll ever be able to fall in love again or if I'll just be suspicious of everyone who comes my way...
Do you actually give any bloke you either go on a date with or are interested in a chance to prove themselves?
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