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Old 12-26-2016, 09:45 AM
 
3,424 posts, read 3,328,706 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TJenkins602 View Post
Wow... I have a friend who often "ghosts" me. The first thing I want to know is that she is okay. But if I know she is okay and that she is just ghosting me, then I'd feel a bit better.

This one particular friend (really close friend that I've known for years) has a habit of being really self destructive. A single mother, and yet she seeks out situations where her life and her daughter's is in danger.

It is very common that I don't hear from her and I think that she's dead.
I had one who ghosted on me. I saw though that she had recent Facebook posts (we were FB friends) but couldn't take two seconds to call/text me.

I unfriended and blocked her, removed her from my phone contacts. If - IF she calls me, I'm not gonna be tactful with her. I don't have time for bull**** games!
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Old 12-26-2016, 10:43 AM
 
Location: Jupiter
10,216 posts, read 8,285,738 times
Reputation: 8628
Quote:
Originally Posted by StarfoxGod View Post
If you are seeing someone(girlfriend/ wife/ boyfriend/ husband), how long would you allow someone to disappear for? Ex. you call someone or text and 2 hours go by, you try again. Then another 3 hours go by an you reach out and still no reply. Assuming the whole day goes by after 2-3 calls and 2-3 messages what would you do? I always felt that if a person tries to contact you, you would get back within an hour or 2 but some people are very distant or too caught up with what they are doing.
One time and she's out. I don't do the ghosting thing but I'll assume she's not interested and give up on her.
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Old 12-26-2016, 10:48 AM
 
3,424 posts, read 3,328,706 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 49ersfan27 View Post
One time and she's out. I don't do the ghosting thing but I'll assume she's not interested and give up on her.
49ers, how you doing? You holding up ok??
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Old 12-26-2016, 10:56 AM
 
9,301 posts, read 8,323,898 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ItsRick24 View Post
I had one who ghosted on me. I saw though that she had recent Facebook posts (we were FB friends) but couldn't take two seconds to call/text me.

I unfriended and blocked her, removed her from my phone contacts. If - IF she calls me, I'm not gonna be tactful with her. I don't have time for bull**** games!
I'm pretty much getting to that point. In fact, I've come to the point where I don't care about our friendship, but I care about her as a person. The friendship has become more harm than good.
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Old 12-26-2016, 11:03 AM
 
6,822 posts, read 6,616,037 times
Reputation: 3769
Quote:
Originally Posted by StarfoxGod View Post
If you are seeing someone(girlfriend/ wife/ boyfriend/ husband), how long would you allow someone to disappear for? Ex. you call someone or text and 2 hours go by, you try again. Then another 3 hours go by an you reach out and still no reply. Assuming the whole day goes by after 2-3 calls and 2-3 messages what would you do? I always felt that if a person tries to contact you, you would get back within an hour or 2 but some people are very distant or too caught up with what they are doing.
If people just responded to texts like adults, this wouldn't be a question.

The reality is, no one knows. People are busy or they aren't.

I texted a girl I was dating for a bit that I didn't think she was the type to "ghost" after about two weeks of no response to two different texts sent. The texts were "how have you been", etc.. I think that is a reasonable time to label a situation a "ghost". She angrily replies that she's busy and that she doesn't ghost. Prior to this, she didn't go a day without a response.

The reality is, it was a ghost that at point. I find it a mark of immaturity, no matter what people believe.

It's an instant turn off for me. On the other hand, if a lady kindly communicates with me and shows maturity, I find that highly attractive. I respect her and move on. I wanted nothing to do with her after she did that. The funny part is I am the one with something to lose in the relationship with the greater sacrifice. She is the one with an ex with two children. Count my blessings and move on.

I do understand ghosting for someone that consistently presses the issue when it's been made clear from the other side there is not a mutual interest.

That is not what happened here or what happens in a number of situations. If it's also a quick one-time fling I understand that also, but not when you've been chatting for a while with an intent of a relationship.

It's disrespectful, childish and immature then imo, but it has become the norm in recent dating it seems.
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Old 12-26-2016, 11:08 AM
 
35,095 posts, read 51,103,864 times
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Not answering a text within your expected amount of time is not ghosting, it is impatience on your part.
There are times that I don't answer a text for a few days.
No one is required to adhere to someone else's expectations so send your text and wait patiently for an answer.
Also, don't forget that there are times when a text does not actually go through.
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Old 12-26-2016, 11:18 AM
 
9,301 posts, read 8,323,898 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CSD610 View Post
Not answering a text within your expected amount of time is not ghosting, it is impatience on your part.
There are times that I don't answer a text for a few days.
No one is required to adhere to someone else's expectations so send your text and wait patiently for an answer.
Also, don't forget that there are times when a text does not actually go through.
Of course there are plenty of factors to this. For instance, if one is not answering a text for days and yet this person is active on social media, laughing and giggling with other friends, (or you know he could get back to you, just chooses not to)

However, if she seems to just disappear and no one knows what happened, then that is when patience is warranted.

If you are just left out of the loop, then there is no use fooling yourself, she is just not interested in getting back to you. Move on.

So yeah, it is important to be patient and make sure you know for sure what is happening before deciding what to do.

Yeah, sometimes the text does not go through for whatever reason. I've had it happen plenty of times before.

There are legitimate reasons for not getting back to someone.

But I don't think this thread is about that. It's more about when (we know) the person could get back to us, but shows that she is just not interested in responding (active social media account).
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Old 12-26-2016, 11:20 AM
 
9,301 posts, read 8,323,898 times
Reputation: 7328
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mikelee81 View Post
If people just responded to texts like adults, this wouldn't be a question.

The reality is, no one knows. People are busy or they aren't.

I texted a girl I was dating for a bit that I didn't think she was the type to "ghost" after about two weeks of no response to two different texts sent. The texts were "how have you been", etc.. I think that is a reasonable time to label a situation a "ghost". She angrily replies that she's busy and that she doesn't ghost. Prior to this, she didn't go a day without a response.

The reality is, it was a ghost that at point. I find it a mark of immaturity, no matter what people believe.

It's an instant turn off for me. On the other hand, if a lady kindly communicates with me and shows maturity, I find that highly attractive. I respect her and move on. I wanted nothing to do with her after she did that. The funny part is I am the one with something to lose in the relationship with the greater sacrifice. She is the one with an ex with two children. Count my blessings and move on.

I do understand ghosting for someone that consistently presses the issue when it's been made clear from the other side there is not a mutual interest.

That is not what happened here or what happens in a number of situations. If it's also a quick one-time fling I understand that also, but not when you've been chatting for a while with an intent of a relationship.

It's disrespectful, childish and immature then imo, but it has become the norm in recent dating it seems.
Yeah, and I can't say for sure what the typical underlying cause is. Anything could cause ghosting.
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Old 12-26-2016, 11:31 AM
 
6,822 posts, read 6,616,037 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TJenkins602 View Post
Yeah, and I can't say for sure what the typical underlying cause is. Anything could cause ghosting.
Ultimately I'm beginning to care less and less as my level of commitment goes down. Accept it as the norm. Have plenty of options available.
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Old 12-26-2016, 11:33 AM
 
9,301 posts, read 8,323,898 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mikelee81 View Post
Ultimately I'm beginning to care less and less as my level of commitment goes down. Accept it as the norm. Have plenty of options available.
Yep. Just have fun and no worries.
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