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Sometimes I feel like I should date a grade school teacher. I have dated a high school teacher in the past. She was very nice but I should try grade school teachers
Women don't exist for you to "try" them out.
Until you can get over your serious issues with trust and respect, you should not date.
Well I am being serious. I have dated in the past. And all you young guys you may date and find love in your 20s and 30s but guess what if you hit 40 or even before that if you get a divorce and had children you have that mark on you being risky also and financially ruined . Whereas at 40 never married and no baggage from previous bad relationship you are in better shape. Because you can find your love and stuff at a younger age but as rosemary clooney sang the futures is not ours to see que Sara Sara.
I hope all of you younger guys are reading this thread as an excellent example of what happens when you don't date around and experience relationships with lots of different people when you are in your teens-twenties. You wind up a 40 something guy with a twisted perspective about women, relationships, life, love, and marriage.
No matter how socially awkward you are, how unattractive you (think) you are, PLEASE get out there and flirt, socialize, ask women out, join groups, travel, and experience relationships NOW so you don't end up like all the sad, lonely, angry men who wind up here on C-D (and all the MRA sites) because they have absolutely no idea how relationships actually work.
I am not being sarcastic, this is a genuine plea. Please help yourselves NOW so you don't end up like this.
One thing I've seemed to notice (and this is just my observation of men--mostly on this forum and my high school reunions). There are two types of men who seem to struggle the most with dating in middle age (40+).
1) The men who used to be the popular/jock type in their youth and that's all they brought to a relationship. They lost what they had and don't seem to know how to use personality, charm, and other manly skills to attract women.
2) And the men like you are mentioning who were socially awkward and didn't date much (if at all) in their 20s/30s. They never developed any dating skills and are stuck in their teens/early 20s when it comes to sophistication of interpersonal relationships. Women expect more sophistication of a man in his middle age. I would go so far as to say that level of sophistication is what women find attractive in middle age men (it's certainly not their lack of youthful bodies and faces).
Of course, there are some men who struggle for other reasons (location, lack of singles, cultural issues, etc), but these two types seem to make up the bulk of men in their 40s who struggle.
The men who seem to do better when they hit 40 are the men who where never really the hottest in their youth, but still dated, had relationships, and grew their "relationship IQ" over the years. It seems like their 40s is in their "prime" for these guys. I put my boyfriend in that group (although I am biased).
I think the take away here for younger men is to date or at the very least socialize with women and build up those interpersonal skills. It might be hard, but you have to keep putting yourself out there. Even if you don't plan on dating or meeting someone later, just what you learn can help you career-wise and business-wise with women bosses, customers, clients and it could even help friend-wise (female friends bring something different to a friendship than male friends... and the same can be said about male friends bringing something different than female friends). If being in a serious relationship scares you or you can't seem to make it work, at least go for casual relationships or even friendships. In most cases, you will benefit in the long run one way or another.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BellaLind
One thing I've seemed to notice (and this is just my observation of men--mostly on this forum and my high school reunions). There are two types of men who seem to struggle the most with dating in middle age (40+).
1) The men who used to be the popular/jock type in their youth and that's all they brought to a relationship. They lost what they had and don't seem to know how to use personality, charm, and other manly skills to attract women.
2) And the men like you are mentioning who were socially awkward and didn't date much (if at all) in their 20s/30s. They never developed any dating skills and are stuck in their teens/early 20s when it comes to sophistication of interpersonal relationships. Women expect more sophistication of a man in his middle age. I would go so far as to say that level of sophistication is what women find attractive in middle age men (it's certainly not their lack of youthful bodies and faces).
Of course, there are some men who struggle for other reasons (location, lack of singles, cultural issues, etc), but these two types seem to make up the bulk of men in their 40s who struggle.
The men who seem to do better when they hit 40 are the men who where never really the hottest in their youth, but still dated, had relationships, and grew their "relationship IQ" over the years. It seems like their 40s is in their "prime" for these guys. I put my boyfriend in that group (although I am biased).
I think the take away here for younger men is to date or at the very least socialize with women and build up those interpersonal skills. It might be hard, but you have to keep putting yourself out there. Even if you don't plan on dating or meeting someone later, just what you learn can help you career-wise and business-wise with women bosses, customers, clients and it could even help friend-wise (female friends bring something different to a friendship than male friends... and the same can be said about male friends bringing something different than female friends). If being in a serious relationship scares you or you can't seem to make it work, at least go for casual relationships or even friendships. In most cases, you will benefit in the long run one way or another.
I definitely want to avoid being in the OPs shoes at 41. I have made an effort to put myself out there and feel I'm farther along in at least having friendships with women and talking to them than 4 years ago. It definitely helped my career and social life but still struggling in my dating life.
One thing I've seemed to notice (and this is just my observation of men--mostly on this forum and my high school reunions). There are two types of men who seem to struggle the most with dating in middle age (40+).
1) The men who used to be the popular/jock type in their youth and that's all they brought to a relationship. They lost what they had and don't seem to know how to use personality, charm, and other manly skills to attract women.
2) And the men like you are mentioning who were socially awkward and didn't date much (if at all) in their 20s/30s. They never developed any dating skills and are stuck in their teens/early 20s when it comes to sophistication of interpersonal relationships. Women expect more sophistication of a man in his middle age. I would go so far as to say that level of sophistication is what women find attractive in middle age men (it's certainly not their lack of youthful bodies and faces).
Of course, there are some men who struggle for other reasons (location, lack of singles, cultural issues, etc), but these two types seem to make up the bulk of men in their 40s who struggle.
The men who seem to do better when they hit 40 are the men who where never really the hottest in their youth, but still dated, had relationships, and grew their "relationship IQ" over the years. It seems like their 40s is in their "prime" for these guys. I put my boyfriend in that group (although I am biased).
I think the take away here for younger men is to date or at the very least socialize with women and build up those interpersonal skills. It might be hard, but you have to keep putting yourself out there. Even if you don't plan on dating or meeting someone later, just what you learn can help you career-wise and business-wise with women bosses, customers, clients and it could even help friend-wise (female friends bring something different to a friendship than male friends... and the same can be said about male friends bringing something different than female friends). If being in a serious relationship scares you or you can't seem to make it work, at least go for casual relationships or even friendships. In most cases, you will benefit in the long run one way or another.
I think this might apply to women as well. I use to attract guys just because I was cute, young, and popular. Like they would line up to date me. But then they never saw anything in me that made them want marriage and to grow old with me.
I have also come to realize that I am boring and what makes me happy is not enough for most men. Give me the hallmark channel, a good book and my iPad over going out anywhere. I would rather do house projects and busy myself making my house look like Pinterest. I use to get upset, but any more it is what is meant to be. Sure I would love to be married and grow old with someone other than my kids, but at least Inhave them. Other people are not as fortunate
One thing I've seemed to notice (and this is just my observation of men--mostly on this forum and my high school reunions). There are two types of men who seem to struggle the most with dating in middle age (40+).
1) The men who used to be the popular/jock type in their youth and that's all they brought to a relationship. They lost what they had and don't seem to know how to use personality, charm, and other manly skills to attract women.
2) And the men like you are mentioning who were socially awkward and didn't date much (if at all) in their 20s/30s. They never developed any dating skills and are stuck in their teens/early 20s when it comes to sophistication of interpersonal relationships. Women expect more sophistication of a man in his middle age. I would go so far as to say that level of sophistication is what women find attractive in middle age men (it's certainly not their lack of youthful bodies and faces).
Of course, there are some men who struggle for other reasons (location, lack of singles, cultural issues, etc), but these two types seem to make up the bulk of men in their 40s who struggle.
The men who seem to do better when they hit 40 are the men who where never really the hottest in their youth, but still dated, had relationships, and grew their "relationship IQ" over the years. It seems like their 40s is in their "prime" for these guys. I put my boyfriend in that group (although I am biased).
I think the take away here for younger men is to date or at the very least socialize with women and build up those interpersonal skills. It might be hard, but you have to keep putting yourself out there. Even if you don't plan on dating or meeting someone later, just what you learn can help you career-wise and business-wise with women bosses, customers, clients and it could even help friend-wise (female friends bring something different to a friendship than male friends... and the same can be said about male friends bringing something different than female friends). If being in a serious relationship scares you or you can't seem to make it work, at least go for casual relationships or even friendships. In most cases, you will benefit in the long run one way or another.
#2: of course they didn't date much if at all in their 20s and 30s since the opposite sex was not interested in them. This is not a novel idea. Just another poster trying to tell 40 something dateless men what's wrong with them. As for your use of the word sophistication, you've got to be kidding me.
#2: of course they didn't date much if at all in their 20s and 30s since the opposite sex was not interested in them. This is not a novel idea. Just another poster trying to tell 40 something dateless men what's wrong with them. As for your use of the word sophistication, you've got to be kidding me.
I not saying something is wrong so much as don't let something go wrong. The more you do something, the better (more sophisticated) you get. And I did say if dating just isn't working for you, there are things one can do other than think "woe is me." You can date casually (speed dating would be a great experience since women outnumber men and you are gaurteeed several dates/women to talk to). Or if that's not going to work at least interact socially with women because it will help relating to them and possibly dating later on.
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