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Background
I was sexually abused and did not start dating or really conversing with the opposite sex until i was 24. Relationships Part 1 Initially, i was just a doormat that sought out toxic and abusive relationships. It is embarrassing to think that i entered those relationships and allowed people to treat me that way.
Then I ran into some one, who was just bad news. To this day, I am curious to what their mental illness was. But, they pretty much just started degrading and humiliating me for ****s and giggles and i couldnt walk away. Relationships Part 2 I finally went off on him. This started a trend of me ending lashing out on people. They were never unwarranted, as i was still attracted to POS.[/FONT]
But, I would respond to the POS behavior with a slew of nonsensival crazy girl text. Crazy Behavior:
Since I was attracted to POS, they would do something dick/****ty. My response would be a slew of crazy girl, self depreciating text most about my appearance.
Concern/Question Im terrified this will come back to bite me in the ass. Im terrified the people who say me that way, will tell other people and everyone will think im crazy.
Ive gone to therapy and had one really great relationship since then.
But, Im still afraid to really go on dates, due to this anxiety.
Any one dealt with something similar?
Background
I was sexually abused and did not start dating or really conversing with the opposite sex until i was 24. Relationships Part 1 Initially, i was just a doormat that sought out toxic and abusive relationships. It is embarrassing to think that i entered those relationships and allowed people to treat me that way.
Then I ran into some one, who was just bad news. To this day, I am curious to what their mental illness was. But, they pretty much just started degrading and humiliating me for ****s and giggles and i couldnt walk away. Relationships Part 2 I finally went off on him. This started a trend of me ending lashing out on people. They were never unwarranted, as i was still attracted to POS.[/font]
But, I would respond to the POS behavior with a slew of nonsensival crazy girl text. Crazy Behavior:
Since I was attracted to POS, they would do something dick/****ty. My response would be a slew of crazy girl, self depreciating text most about my appearance.
Concern/Question Im terrified this will come back to bite me in the ass. Im terrified the people who say me that way, will tell other people and everyone will think im crazy.
Ive gone to therapy and had one really great relationship since then.
But, Im still afraid to really go on dates, due to this anxiety.
Any one dealt with something similar?
i didnt. However, this is the one feeling that therapy hasnt really resolved
You have to keep working on it with your professional counselor.
I am very sorry for the things you have been through. Everyone has stuff they did in their past that they hope no one else brings up again, but as you know, you have some very serious compounding factors that only someone trained and experienced with those issues can help with.
Last edited by BirdieBelle; 01-01-2017 at 07:51 PM..
Background
I was sexually abused and did not start dating or really conversing with the opposite sex until i was 24. Relationships Part 1 Initially, i was just a doormat that sought out toxic and abusive relationships. It is embarrassing to think that i entered those relationships and allowed people to treat me that way.
Then I ran into some one, who was just bad news. To this day, I am curious to what their mental illness was. But, they pretty much just started degrading and humiliating me for ****s and giggles and i couldnt walk away. Relationships Part 2 I finally went off on him. This started a trend of me ending lashing out on people. They were never unwarranted, as i was still attracted to POS.[/font]
But, I would respond to the POS behavior with a slew of nonsensival crazy girl text. Crazy Behavior:
Since I was attracted to POS, they would do something dick/****ty. My response would be a slew of crazy girl, self depreciating text most about my appearance.
Concern/Question Im terrified this will come back to bite me in the ass. Im terrified the people who say me that way, will tell other people and everyone will think im crazy.
Ive gone to therapy and had one really great relationship since then.
But, Im still afraid to really go on dates, due to this anxiety.
Any one dealt with something similar?
you've been through a lot so it isn't your fault for acting a certain way.
Don't worry about what people think. Trust me, people will judge know matter what. If you did something stupid in the past and changed years later, a mistake from back then shouldn't stop you from living your life. Any jerk that will be that closed minded can talk all they want. You don't need people like that in your life and if people are easily brainwashed then they are weak to begin with.
Call me cynical, but I believe that if you keep dating bad boys, you'll always be attracted to bad boys.
One day (if it hasn't happened already) you're gonna attract a good guy. He's gonna be a true gentleman, treat you the way you should be treated...only for you to dump him and go back to the bad boy!
I've seen this trend time and again - and continue to see it. Weeks later, the woman's crying and screaming, 'cause that bad boy beat the **** out of her and cheated on her! But...."she loves him!" The reason why she won't leave him - despite his beating and cheating.
Do be aware that no one can be harder on you than you, yourself. Believe me, it's not helpful. It's beyond all of us to go back and change our pasts. What we can do and should, is change how we conduct ourselves in the future and above all else, forgive ourselves if we think we need to, then get on with our lives.
Get more therapy and do not use acronyms such as "POS".
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Get more therapy
