How do you know when someone is "the one"? (love, older)
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I found this answer on another site and it makes sense. Before you marry that person, go on a backpack test. This guy explains it better, but I wish I would've done this "test" before I had married my ex husband. I actually did go on a hiking trip with my ex, but I never thought much of it or any other red flags that flew my way. The trail was the most beautiful trail ever (Kalalau trail), and I couldn't understand why he wouldn't want to go on it. Ten minutes into the hike, he gave up already and I went on the hike for about another hour by myself. When we remodeled our home, we fought every time. When I had our first child, he didn't love him. When I had our second child and lost him that night, my ex went home early to sleep on a more comfortable bed and left me all alone.
So, I agree with the following post. Go on a "backpack test" with him and see if the both of you would come out stronger or not. I think if I had known about this test and followed its reasoning, I would've saved 15 years of life being with the wrong person. I'm actually going to apply this test to future relationships. I always told myself that the right guy for me would be the one who wants to finish the Kalalau trail with me. I just didn't think there was a stronger reasoning behind it or even a name for it.
Quote:
I recommend the backpack test. Both of my children agreed to this, and it appears (so far) to have worked successfully for them.
The basic idea is this: for a marriage to last, the partners need to recognize that there will be periods of intense stress, non-romantic moments (often lasting days or longer) when life gets tough. It could be illness, or lack of money, or just something serious going wrong. Maybe a flat tire. Maybe you arrive at midnight at the cabin you rented and you discover the key doesn’t work. How will you and your partner-to-be handle it? Will you work well together? Will your love continue despite the stress?
Take a week-long backpack trip together. Or do something equivalent. I like backpacking because doing it, particularly in Yosemite or anywhere in the Sierras, is a wonderful exhilarating spiritual experience. But—and this is the key—it always has moments of stress. It may suddenly rain, and you get unexpectedly wet. Maybe it will be cold in the morning, and you (or your partner) will not want to get up to fetch and heat water. One time it snowed suddenly, and we couldn’t find a sheltered place to camp. Maybe one of you will develop a blister. Maybe one of you will feel that you would like to transfer some weight to the partner. Maybe you will get lost. Maybe a bear will steal your food. Maybe one or both of you will get very tired, and grumpy.
Before you get married, you want to experience stress together, ideally over an extended time. A few days is minimal; a week is better; a two week trip is probably more than enough. I recall taking such a trip with my wife-to-be, and a good friend and his wife. I was appalled at the way he treated her. When her pack was uncomfortable, he told her to endure it until they got to a good rest spot. (My wife and I insisted we stop until her pack was comfortable!) He didn’t help her in the cooking. He just didn’t seem to care. After that trip, I could never again think of him as a good friend. And indeed, a few years later, he and his wife were divorced.
Don’t go backpacking with casual friends you want to keep. You may grow to dislike them when you see them under stress, and then you will not even want to be casual friends with them. That was my experience in the trip I just described.
It doesn’t count to go on a romantic vacation, staying at hotels that take care of all your needs. A day trip isn’t good enough. You’ve got to experience extended stress; even better if the stress is unexpected. My bride to be and I went on several backpack trips before and during marriage. Perhaps the most dramatic one was a two-week trip that had rain, snow, terrible blisters, discomfort, bears, and all sorts of stress. We came back from that trip loving each other much more than we had imagined possible.
I'm not talking about a video game, I'm talking about pen and paper DnD. Think people sitting around a table with stacks of books, papers, and charts, rolling dice and role playing characters while doing math for fun. And yes, most men find that weird. Most people do! You get better acceptance if you tell people you enjoy reading comic books. Playing video games is considered normal anymore, but not playing in person RPGs. I think only LARPung is though of as worse. When I've told men in the past about this hobby they thought it was a joke or weird. Maybe they thought I was a LARPer running around in the park in a costume, lol. So I it wasn't something I used to bring up on early dates. But with my current boyfriend, I wanted to tell him and when I did he didn't think it was weird even though he never played.
I have no idea what any of your letters instead of full words used means and honestly I don't care what they mean.
You missed my point completely and I do not know how to use only letters so you will understand it.
I have no idea what any of your letters instead of full words used means and honestly I don't care what they mean.
You missed my point completely and I do not know how to use only letters so you will understand it.
Sorry. What I am saying is I have an unusual hobby, I'm not talking about a video game. My point is I don't lie about who I am on dates or am being someone else. I just never felt comfortable opening up completely. Bringing up a weird hobby is often a death nell on a first date. Finding someone you feel comfortable with almost immediately is a sign that you may have met "the one." That's how I felt with my, now, boyfriend.
Just to clarify:
DnD is "Dungeons and Dragons"
RPG is Role playing game
LARP is live action role playing game ( think people dressing up as knights and wizards and such and having sword fights dressed in costume)
Most people think playing Dungeons and dragons is weird. Don't believe me, start telling people it's a hobby of yours and they will look at you like you said you like to collect fingernails or something. It's generally not something people will tell you they do unless they are really comfortable with you and me being that comfortable with my boyfriend on our first date was telling. He was different than other men I dated and I knew it in some deep level.
Last edited by BellaLind; 01-03-2017 at 11:51 AM..
So, I agree with the following post. Go on a "backpack test" with him and see if the both of you would come out stronger or not. I think if I had known about this test and followed its reasoning, I would've saved 15 years of life being with the wrong person. I'm actually going to apply this test to future relationships. I always told myself that the right guy for me would be the one who wants to finish the Kalalau trail with me. I just didn't think there was a stronger reasoning behind it or even a name for it.
My partner says that he knew I was the one for him the first time we went camping and I didn't complain about dirt or bugs- and he's only halfway joking when he says it.
I definitely do agree with the idea of doing something extended which isn't planned to the nth degree. Camping is one idea, even just an extended road trip can be another. What does he/she do if they get lost, have a flat tire, or don't have access to their local Starbucks? To me, how someone reacts in these sorts of situations is a pretty good indicator of their overall demeanor and character, for sure.
Within the past 2 years, I've gone through 2 serious relationships. They were both exhausting to say the least but I really fell head over heels for the both of them (not at the same time of course lol.) It begs the question - how do I know when the right one will come along if I fall in love so easily it seems? Does it feel different compared to past relationships?
Finding the "right one" is not an exact science. With my fiance, our long-term and short-term goals matched up well. We both want to get married and have children some day. We both believe that Jesus Christ died for our sins. We both are open to each other. Our relationship has its ups and downs of course, but our relationship is not exhausting. I love being with her!
I knew he was the one for me on our very first date.
We are still together 42 years later!
And HOW. you knew he was the one?
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
