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Old 01-06-2017, 09:35 AM
 
Location: Sweet Home...CHICAGO
3,421 posts, read 5,204,934 times
Reputation: 4355

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You are married to an abuser. Leave. Then get counseling to find out why you keep marrying abusers.
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Old 01-06-2017, 11:44 AM
 
Location: State of Transition
102,126 posts, read 107,381,087 times
Reputation: 115942
So, OP, when do you leave?
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Old 01-06-2017, 11:50 AM
 
Location: Toronto
6,750 posts, read 5,698,052 times
Reputation: 4619
Quote:
Originally Posted by mrs.mhernandez View Post
In my previous post, I discussed all the issues i've been having with my husband. We have only been married 8 months. He had sent p*rn scenes where he photoshopped his head on the man & his friend's sister on the woman to a friend, he has messages from his ex fiancee & her best friend (not terrible, but not "right" to talk to them), he told me I'm not allowed to take photos with other men...when he saw a pic of myself and my longtime coworker at a work Christmas party posing with a prize we won.

To make a long story short, last night I finally confronted him about the pics. He claims that his friends send him p*rn but he tries to delete it. He got mad about an acne mark I had on my neck and asked me who made the mark....then he got angry that I am going to visit my aunt & 2 female cousins in Louisiana next weekend alone. The last time I asked him to go in March, he told me "I hate Louisiana, no. It's all voodoo magic and h**kers" and he never takes off work to go places with me cuz he works construction.

He was even more angry because my female cousin & I were going to have a "girl's night" and go out dancing at a bar. My husband knows I LOVE to dance, it's one of my passions especially latin dancing. I have not gone out with ANY friends alone this year, even tho I am 25 years old. He said "If you go to Louisiana next week, you will come back & I will be gone. You will be single. I'm not going to control you it's your choice." I reminded him I let him go out alone this summer with his friend i'll call "Mike" multiple times to go to a bar downtown and to his friends house to drink/play video games till 2 am...he said that it was ok for him because I was sick with my heart problems so I couldn't go due to the hot weather.

We scream and cry for an hour over other things. I then say "Ok, am I allowed to go to Louisiana if I don't go to any bar, just spend time with my family?" He said "It's not a good idea. I don't like that idea at all. I have a bad feeling in my chest that something will happen if you go alone without me there to protect you." I said "You never have that premonition when I go to work alone in Alabama. why did you marry me if you don't trust me?" Then he says "No it's not about trust. I just have this bad feeling in my chest that something bad is going to happen. You aren't my slave so go if you want, but I don't like the idea at all." I asked him if he still loves me & he said "i'll love you forever."

So....now I don't know what to do, I feel sick. If I don't go see my family, my husband will be happy. If I do go see them, my husband has threatened to leave me. I don't know what to do, is this normal for a husband to not want his wife to go on vacation alone???
Someone can only hold the I will leave you card over you ... if you actually appear to care.

Based on the stuff you are writing ... you might actually be better off if he does leave you.

So I would go, enjoy the trip and look forward to the extra closet space when you get back !

This guys sounds like a lunatic. It has only been 8 months. Is he really worth all this drama?

I am married to a drama king... but he does not dare disrespect me in regards to some of the stuff you are sharing. Why exactly are you putting up with all this? If you let him bully you in to not doing things ...this nonsense will only get worse.
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Old 01-06-2017, 11:55 AM
 
Location: SW MO
23,593 posts, read 37,394,969 times
Reputation: 29336
Quote:
Originally Posted by mrs.mhernandez View Post
Thanks!

Yes, I am getting my masters degree currently. I actually wouldn't have to move at all. The house is in my name only as are all of our bills and both of our cars. He would be the one that would have to move...and the only place he has to go is a 3 bedroom apartment that already has 6 occupants.
Then you have nothing to lose except this loser. Go, have fun, relax, get your head together then call him and tell him he needs to be gone by the time you come back.

Here's a parallel. Two years ago my wife and I had some real medical issues (we're seniors) which put a huge strain on us and our marriage. She decided to go back to California, spend some time with her daughters and clear her head. Ultimately she was gone for about four months. At no time was the word "divorce" ever mentioned and in the end she couldn't wait to get back home, and she is. Both going and returning were her ideas and her choices. She's a competent adult and doesn't need to, nor can she be, told what to do by me and I wouldn't presume to try it. Love and respect forbid it.

Threats, demands and directives are merely a control issue. If you truly love someone they have no place in communications between spouses.

You can do a lot better than this macho clown.
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Old 01-06-2017, 12:09 PM
 
Location: New Jersey
1,843 posts, read 3,051,555 times
Reputation: 2747
Please leave this so called man.
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Old 01-06-2017, 12:15 PM
 
95 posts, read 83,574 times
Reputation: 57
Quote:
Originally Posted by Curmudgeon View Post
Then you have nothing to lose except this loser. Go, have fun, relax, get your head together then call him and tell him he needs to be gone by the time you come back.

Here's a parallel. Two years ago my wife and I had some real medical issues (we're seniors) which put a huge strain on us and our marriage. She decided to go back to California, spend some time with her daughters and clear her head. Ultimately she was gone for about four months. At no time was the word "divorce" ever mentioned and in the end she couldn't wait to get back home, and she is. Both going and returning were her ideas and her choices. She's a competent adult and doesn't need to, nor can she be, told what to do by me and I wouldn't presume to try it. Love and respect forbid it.

Threats, demands and directives are merely a control issue. If you truly love someone they have no place in communications between spouses.

You can do a lot better than this macho clown.
Wow that was a very interesting story. That was nice of you to let your wife have that time to clear her head. I agree with you, I am going to go on vacation & if he leaves me when I return...so be it. I would never dare to tell him he cannot do something without me unless it was something really crazy like a rave or something lol.
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Old 01-06-2017, 12:22 PM
 
Location: Alabama!
6,048 posts, read 18,376,633 times
Reputation: 4835
Before you leave, engrave your name on everything. Better to move him out, change the locks, and file for divorce before you leave.
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Old 01-06-2017, 12:27 PM
 
5,401 posts, read 6,498,108 times
Reputation: 12017
You know the answer. Get to a divorce attorney and get back your life. In the futue do not marry for at least 2 years...get to know yourself & see a counselor if you need reinforcement.
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Old 01-06-2017, 01:05 PM
 
95 posts, read 83,574 times
Reputation: 57
Quote:
Originally Posted by historyfan View Post
You know the answer. Get to a divorce attorney and get back your life. In the futue do not marry for at least 2 years...get to know yourself & see a counselor if you need reinforcement.
Luckily my dads best friend is a divorce and property attorney so I can get it done for cheap. I don't know if I'd ever marry again at this point, just not worth it to me. I'm so successful on my own all these men just drag me down. I'm seeing a counselor now so hopefully that helps
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Old 01-06-2017, 02:15 PM
 
Location: Long Island, NY
308 posts, read 444,468 times
Reputation: 368
Quote:
Originally Posted by mrs.mhernandez View Post
Luckily my dads best friend is a divorce and property attorney so I can get it done for cheap. I don't know if I'd ever marry again at this point, just not worth it to me. I'm so successful on my own all these men just drag me down. I'm seeing a counselor now so hopefully that helps
Start with baby steps. Spend some time single, maybe at least 6 months, to work on yourself. Then try just dating someone. You don't have to get married! You're young, you still have your whole life ahead of you.
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