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Not exactly a party, but some of my closest friends came over and we hung out a bit. I went through a very very difficult marriage and divorce and it was a relief to get the papers finalized.
That's a good point ..... Kim is it an actual organised party or just a gathering between friends you're referring to?
Same thing pretty much I know but the first is much more publicised.
As relieved as I was to get my divorced finalized (after 18 months of him doing everything he could to drag it out because it was a way to control me and make me miserable), I was not happy, much less in the mood for a party. I never, ever wanted to be divorced and it was only when the situation was completely untenable and destroying the kids did I finally call it quits.
As relieved as I was to get my divorced finalized (after 18 months of him doing everything he could to drag it out because it was a way to control me and make me miserable), I was not happy, much less in the mood for a party. I never, ever wanted to be divorced and it was only when the situation was completely untenable and destroying the kids did I finally call it quits.
There was nothing to celebrate.
I'm with you. A divorce is nothing more nor less than the failure of marriage - a serious and formal relationship that was supposed to betoken love and commitment. A divorce is nothing to celebrate or party about.
When the ex left me for another after 25 years of marriage she dragged the divorce out for two years and final settlement (I finally bifurcated the two issues) for four. When all was said-and-done I experienced relief, not joy.
I don't think this would work for me. Divorce is sad, I'm assuming that it's a somewhat mutual and cordial thing and it wasn't an abusive situation.
If at one point in your life you felt that you had a beautiful thing with another human and decided to take the plunge and be with them for life, for that beautiful thing to wilt and die isn't something to celebrate in my mind.
Yeah, but you seem like you have a good marriage.
I think if someone for example was cheated on or mistreated or gave everything they could and still it did not work out then instead of feeling like I am a complete failure ... people that care about them should rally together and remind them it is not the end and just time for another beginning.
I am not pro just giving up ... I have a really odd marriage... but have not thrown in the towel.... but just in case it does finally all come crashing down.... I don't want to sit there and cry about it for an extended period of time and don't think investing more time on what was is going to help.
The party could be about celebrating closure and a embrassing the world of possibilities to come.
When I was in my early 20s my older cousin had a freind who like her has been dating someone since high school and after univeristy they both got married months after each other and shared the experience of planning bridal showers, wedding and buying first homes together and all that fun stuff. Then her freind marriage did not work out and she expressed feeling very unsupported by everyone who was there for her during all these fun times, but totally turned their backs on her during this hard time. I was newly married when this happend and was not directly freinds with her ... but I totally get it now. Shortly after that she and my cousin that were best freinds actually stop talking all together.
All big life events present challenges. So why do people usually only rally around people to celebrate the happy times rather then to rally around then when they are going through less pleasant times to try and help them get through the experience.
"We" don't.
My friends and family are there, even when bad things happen... hospitalization, death, and even divorce.
Gathering for support don't have to involve frivolity...
Yep!
But this kind of party can also be about empowerment.
Ex you had a bad marriage and the party could be an effort to show it has not destroyed you and you are ready to get back out there and start living and loving life again.
I think for someone like me ... the idea works because I don't like the idea of letting something like this defeat you.
The end of a marriage is and can be to many the re-birth of your independence and a huge period of exploration. You are entering a whole new window of possibilities.
Ex What the person in your 20s wanted vs the person in your 50s wants in a partner or in a life style.
As relieved as I was to get my divorced finalized (after 18 months of him doing everything he could to drag it out because it was a way to control me and make me miserable), I was not happy, much less in the mood for a party. I never, ever wanted to be divorced and it was only when the situation was completely untenable and destroying the kids did I finally call it quits.
There was nothing to celebrate.
I agree. It's a sad thing. In your case your ex playing games with you is ugly and sad. You sometimes have to take measures to protect yourself and the kids as you've mentioned, but again, at the end of the day, it's sad, sad for the kids and sad overall.
I, in a small sense, get what the OP is talking about, or at least the concept of it, it's a way of moving forward and maybe putting a positive spin on something that might have been really bad, I'm not devoid of understanding multiple angles of a given subject, but yeah... I still think it sucks.....
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) with the lads instead of a huge event 
....
