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Why is this a 22 page thread? It was a first internet date between two people who obviously weren't very interested in each other. A guy a little tight on cash asking the waiter for the check with separate checks on a date with a random person where there isn't much interest isn't exactly remarkable. Remarkable would be if the guy dined & dashed sticking you with the check.
Would it have been remarkable if he had been interested or are you assuming that separate checks means that he definitely wasn't interested?
The tone was a bit awkward (at least for me) after he asked for separate checks because I was thinking, "Well, that was kinda weird. Maybe this meeting didn't go as well as I thought it did." I usually hug people at the end and thank them, but there was nothing to thank him for and I don't recall hugging him goodbye. I think I just kind of said after we had walked out of the place, "Well, I'm parked around the corner" or something like that. He was parked somewhere else. He did ask me if I needed assistance with walking on the snowy sidewalk outside of the place, but I said I'd be fine and then we went our separate ways.
I think someone mentioned it earlier, but he's probably talked to his buddies (or made a thread) about the date he had that went well until the woman found out she had to pay for herself. Then she became distant and didn't even want him to walk her to her car.
I think someone mentioned it earlier, but he's probably talked to his buddies (or made a thread) about the date he had that went well until the woman found out she had to pay for herself. Then she became distant and didn't even want him to walk her to her car.
#Communication
I didn't tell him I didn't want him to walk me to my car. That's not what he asked me.
When I was single I always offered to split the check on the first date and not once did the guy ever let me. It wouldn't have been an automatic deal breaker if the guy took me up on splitting the check, BUT the way this guy went out of his way to flag down the server and ask for separate checks is pretty awkward IMO. If he's that hard up, then maybe he should stick to coffee dates. Also, I am all for being equals, but I find that he did not see her safely to her car after the date to be the real deal breaker here. As much as women and men are equals these days, it's dangerous for a woman to be walking around alone in the dark. It's just courtesy.
This is one of those things, at least IMO, that people do, or do not do, of their own volition.
I could never imagine myself saying something like this- either the guy "has it" or he doesn't.
Quote:
Originally Posted by strawberrykiki
I find that he did not see her safely to her car after the date to be the real deal breaker here. As much as women and men are equals these days, it's dangerous for a woman to be walking around alone in the dark. It's just courtesy.
He asked her if she wanted him to walk her to her car and she said, "no".
:shrug:
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by strawberrykiki
When I was single I always offered to split the check on the first date and not once did the guy ever let me. It wouldn't have been an automatic deal breaker if the guy took me up on splitting the check, BUT the way this guy went out of his way to flag down the server and ask for separate checks is pretty awkward IMO. If he's that hard up, then maybe he should stick to coffee dates. Also, I am all for being equals, but I find that he did not see her safely to her car after the date to be the real deal breaker here. As much as women and men are equals these days, it's dangerous for a woman to be walking around alone in the dark. It's just courtesy.
I've accepted a handful of times, but it is really uncommon, and it has to be a pretty darn bad date.
But yes, beyond awkward. I never ask for separate checks, we just split, put in cash, or two cards, or whatever... in any case where we're splitting. But this is super cheap and beyond awkward.
He asked her if she wanted him to walk her to her car and she said, "no".
:shrug:
That's not what he asked. The snow didn't lead all the way to my car. I did think that maybe he took that to mean that I didn't want him to walk with me, but if he hadn't asked in the first place and just gone ahead and done it like he so proactively asked for the separate checks, we wouldn't be having this discussion right now. lol
When I was single I always offered to split the check on the first date and not once did the guy ever let me. It wouldn't have been an automatic deal breaker if the guy took me up on splitting the check, BUT the way this guy went out of his way to flag down the server and ask for separate checks is pretty awkward IMO. If he's that hard up, then maybe he should stick to coffee dates. Also, I am all for being equals, but I find that he did not see her safely to her car after the date to be the real deal breaker here. As much as women and men are equals these days, it's dangerous for a woman to be walking around alone in the dark. It's just courtesy.
The separate check thing was tacky. I kind of think making a thread about it was a little passive aggressive (not really passive, implying that only broke or cheap men.....anyway) jab at an issue the OP has strong feelings about.
I say this as a man who pays (paid) for first dates, but one who is amused at how many women and men make this a litmus test. That's so 1950s.
Now walking a woman to her car is entirely different. That is common courtesy. I can't imagine not walking a woman to her car, because there really are some risks in that scenario. Economic reality has changed quite a bit since the 1950s. The risk women sometimes face, not so much.
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