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I'm assuming you're a woman.
Would you prefer we try to change the bad parts of being a woman or just throw up our hands and say "not fair"?
Is it the same for men?
I have never been under the impression that the world was going to be fair.
Is it fair if you are smarter than me?
Is it fair that there is racism?
Is it fair if someone is beautiful?
Is it fair to be born in a 3rd world country?
Is it fair men are stronger and bigger than us?
Sure we should all strive for fairness, but how are you not going to be able to beat us up? One example, and it doesn't matter.
Social habits were developed by the masses for what worked at the time. It changes all the time.
I don't think current judges are fair to dads in a lot of cases.
Personally, I like the general male/female dynamic. It is a courting ritual. It is foreplay.
It is sexy.
Do it what ever way works for you.
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Because I'm willing to bet majority of these guys are asking the girl out on the date in the first place. I have no problems taking turns paying when it comes to dates, but to act petty and be so calculative is just a turn off to me. Some of you guys act as if the girl has to earn the meal. Jesus lol
Some of you girls act as if the guy owes you free meals, drinks, and other expenses simply because you are hanging to his arm.
Hey there, I knew you'd show up soon! I was willing to pay for my dinner and I did. I never said anything about assuming that he would pay for me or feeling entitled to be paid for.
Hey there!
If contributing to expenses wasn't that big of a deal this thread wouldn't even be started or women wouldn't accuse men of being "cheap" (as the title of the thread suggests) which also goes both ways believe it or not. Its a bit ironic to hear women complain about men being cheap because they don't pay for their meals, drinks, and other expenses but these same women don't want to pay for anything. I don't see how it would make a man cheap if he is contributing to expenses. Cheap would be for someone to expect to be paid for and catered simply because of their gender. If women were totally fine about contributing to expenses this thread wouldn't be as long as it is. Happens whenever this topic comes up.
It's life, people get rejected from all sorts of things.
Of course.
But what does that have to do with this conversation?
Quote:
If a guy can't afford to take a girl out to dinner, then don't ask her to go to dinner in the first place. It's as simple as that.
Sure
But, again, what does that have to do with this conversation?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mikala43
I have never been under the impression that the world was going to be fair.
Is it fair if you are smarter than me?
Is it fair that there is racism?
Is it fair if someone is beautiful?
Is it fair to be born in a 3rd world country?
Is it fair men are stronger and bigger than us?
Sure we should all strive for fairness, but how are you not going to be able to beat us up? One example, and it doesn't matter.
Social habits were developed by the masses for what worked at the time. It changes all the time.
I don't think current judges are fair to dads in a lot of cases.
Same here.
What does that have to do with this conversation.
Should we not try to eliminate unfairness where we can?
I think we should.
Quote:
Personally, I like the general male/female dynamic. It is a courting ritual. It is foreplay.
It is sexy.
I could name a lot of things that I find sexy that most women would object to being expected on the first date. Why is a man paying for the date different?
Quote:
Do it what ever way works for you.
This is always the best answer (as long as it doesn't hurt another)
I'm not a fan of the "I'll pay if I think things are going somewhere" approach, because it's so...mercenary. A major mark, to me, of strong character is treating people well without the expectation of reciprocity. Doing kind or generous things just because it's a nice thing to do, rather than because you expect to get something out of it.
I'm actually in favor of going Dutch, or of taking turns paying for dates/outings, but the idea of selectively offering to treat only if you think you're going to be getting something from the other person is...that's kind of gross, right? I don't think it'd make me feel great if I found out the person I was seeing had taken that approach. Like, thanks, you tried to buy my affection with dinner, cool. The overall approach is kind of cheap in multiple sense of the word.
I think I generally dislike the idea of approaching dating as though one is shopping for a significant other. Why not plan dates you think will be fun, with people you think will be interesting, and then if it goes somewhere romantic, great, and if it doesn't, the experience still wasn't a waste of time. Journey over destination, I guess.
If contributing to expenses wasn't that big of a deal this thread wouldn't even be started or women wouldn't accuse men of being "cheap" (as the title of the thread suggests) which also goes both ways believe it or not. Its a bit ironic to hear women complain about men being cheap because they don't pay for their meals, drinks, and other expenses but these same women don't want to pay for anything. I don't see how it would make a man cheap if he is contributing to expenses. Cheap would be for someone to expect to be paid for and catered simply because of their gender. If women were totally fine about contributing to expenses this thread wouldn't be as long as it is. Happens whenever this topic comes up.
I don't think the issue is so much about women not wanting to contribute to expenses as it is about women believing that men are happy to pay if they think the woman is worth it. So if a man doesn't pay, that can be insulting to a woman. I know your own personal stance is that everything should be equal, so not paying for a woman's expenses doesn't necessarily mean that you're not into her, but some of the men here have expressed sentiments to the contrary.
Do you think there are women who would go out with an average man if he paid for dinner, that they wouldn't go out with if he didn't?
I really don't know. I read almost every page of this thread though and it seems like a lot of women don't have a problem going dutch on the first date. For me if I really like a guy I'm not even thinking about who's going to pay for dinner when I agree to go out with him and I hope he's not thinking about that either.
I really don't know. I read almost every page of this thread though and it seems like a lot of women don't have a problem going dutch on the first date. For me if I really like a guy I'm not even thinking about who's going to pay for dinner when I agree to go out with him. I hope he's not thinking about that either.
To be fair I agree and the money side of things doesn't really cross my mind as such, Pretty much ALL my attention, focus and enthusiasm goes into her and making sure we have a great night
However I would like to say that I do completely understand people that are up against it financially in some capacity might have more emphasis on the cost factor and therefore may be more prudent and astute ( this part is not aimed at you GG7 but anyone )
This is one of those things, at least IMO, that people do, or do not do, of their own volition.
I could never imagine myself saying something like this- either the guy "has it" or he doesn't.
Yeah, I change my tune on this one. Was talking with some buddies and the walk to the car thing has danger to be misconstrued and is highly dependent on the situation. As such, there's more possibilities.
A) Right timing, wrong place for a first kiss....and do you really want the kiss to be outside of a pub's parking lot? ....i recall now how sweetly she looked under the electric buzzing light next to the discarded McDonalds wrappers smashed into the cracked pavement....
B) Nice thing to do, but it's awkward....my car was totally 5 down from the door and he followed me and just stood there....for a second I thought....is he going to rob me?
C) The click wasn't there, and it was time for the date to end.....definitely still a choice.
D) The dude is had to use the restroom, liked how things ended etc.
My first date, in 1979.
I met this lovely guy, in a horrible bar where I worked. Pretty good money, though. He drove a cab. I had such a crush. He asked me out. I said, "sure, breakfast at the diner after I close the bar?"
No, no, no! A proper date! Next Thursday, or such. Dinner and a movie!
So I arrived, nervous as can be. 18 year old feminist. Going to pay my share.
I really didn't know the etiquette of "who invites pays."
So we go to this fancy restaurant, and I'm just mortified at the prices, plus I'm so crazy bout the guy, and just so outclassed, I can't imagine him seeing me put food in my mouth!
So at every step I keep offering my share, he's like..."no, I got it."
My point?
Both of us classy AF!
Was with that sweet guy many years. His classy was bone deep!
It's all about intentions.
So, to the OP, yeah, that was kind of uncool of him!
It's not the money, it's the intention.
Last edited by SMSweeney; 01-10-2017 at 07:42 PM..
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